Tag: Athlete

So I guess this post is 4 years in the making because it’s been like 4 years since a video of her at the World Juniors took the internet by storm.  You probably know the video and if you don’t I helpfully included a gif of her pre race warm up dance.  It was just a thing she did but it obviously had it’s appeal to a lot of people.  Now, part of that is she is very attractive and moves well.  I think a bigger part of it is she look so happy.  I remember the video being misattributed as being at the Olympics, which was understandable, it was right before the Olympics.  It’s also why we watch the Olympics, for the triumph of the human spirit.  So seeing someone with that smile and what is clearly just a sheer joy of being alive, it’s why we’re there.  We want to see people win, we want to see people succeed, we want to see unbridled joy.  Also she is pretty hot and in killer shape.  The result was mesmerizing and I actually have had people ask me if I had ever heard of her and hey I should post her.  I had heard of her but I guess the time wasn’t right?  She had to make the Olympics to earn a place here?  No, of course not but she did make the Olympic team and I am obsessed with the Olympics enough that she is showing up today, 2 days before her race.  I wish her luck Tuesday and today I want to fuck Michelle Jenneke.

The Olympics are here so get ready for post of athletes as I basically watch hours and hours of sports I normally never would because I kind of forget they even exist.  Anyway, here is Charlotte Caslick, who is a Rugby 7s player for Australia and I am glad Rugby is in the Olympics for lots of reasons but it turns out one of them I was unaware of is Charlotte Caslick running.  Because oh my god.  Look, she is fast and talented and I am starting to feel bad because Australia is just thrashing Colombia.  When I decided I was going to post her she had just scored once and Australia was up by a little bit.  In the time it took me to look for pictures she has scored twice more.  Australia is now up 55-0. Anyway, I realize that I like fast women, which I know makes me sound like some asshole from the 1950’s given the nature of this blog but I mean actual girls who run fast.  Athletics impresses me, feats of athleticism are impressive and there is nothing more primal than running.  It had to be the first sport.  Anyway, she is just astoundingly quick and you know, I have a lot of respect fro anyone who plays something as violent as rugby.  Also, she’s 21 and in the Olympics but didn’t even start playing until she was 17.  That’s just crazy.  So today I want to fuck Charlotte Caslick.

I realize McKayla Maroney making an appearance might seem odd or out of the blue but in my mind it’s not, she has been on my mind a bit recently for various reasons. She even came up recently in a conversation with my favorite Greek @wildflagsure. She fascinates me in a lot of ways because she is this strange lightning rod for opinions that bother me.  Well… kinda lightning rod, when people remember who she is.  You know, from the whole thing where people thought she was a bad sport at the Olympics (and I would say that her not smiling and being happy about losing is a trait we only find despicable in women, we want our male athletes to be competitive and angry when they fall on thier ass) to the thing I see now about her being lazy or… well, frivolous seems the best word to describe her overall.  Less kind is her seeming eagerness to wear things that accentuate her body.  Those also strike me as dumb because it’s just so hard for me to see someone who at 16 years old was literally one of the best in the world at what she did, and spent more time working out in a day than people reading this do in a week since she was a child as frivolous or lazy.  And as for the pictures thing… well look I think it’s cheesy when dudes pop their shirts off at the drop of a hat but they don’t seem to face a lot of comments about being attention whores.  Also, if 14 of the first 18 years of my life were dedicated to working out… I’d probably want someone to see all that work, too.  None of that is why she is here though, she’s here because I happen to think she’s pretty.  And ok, yeah, part of the attraction is people who are really good at something are hot and I like athletes.  But I find her quite attractive whatever the reason.  You can tell, cause I never like just posting pictures from instagram but here I am. So today I want to fuck McKayla Maroney.

In a weird bit of coincidence I was talking about Silje Norendal yesterday.  For some reason she just came up in conversation with @she-goes-to-eleven  who I was certain wouldn’t have heard of her and had not but her reaction was like mine initially which was, “Wow, that girl is beautiful”.  It was a fun little trip down memory lane but is not why Silje Norendal is here today.  No, she is here because I remembered in the back of my mind the X Games were starting soon so I said, “Oh, I should see when they start”.  Well, they started yesterday.  So I said, “Well, let’s see what’s on”.  So I turn it on and get to see the very first competitor starting her run for the Women’s Slopestyle finals.  Which means Silje Norendal was minutes away from my screen.  Now, when I started this post, I didn’t know who was going to win because it was just starting.  It just is that hard to find pictures of athletes, honestly.  It isn’t like there is nothing of her but she doesn’t exactly show up on the red carpet.  Spoilers, she didn’t make it to the podium.  I had high hopes with her final run but it just didn’t happen. I am still blown away though, she won gold the three previous years and the truth is being among the best in the world at something you do is mind blowing.  Just mind blowing.  The things she can do on a snowboard take my breath away.  Then I see her face and that has the same effect.  It’s honestly mind blowing to me the combination of talent and beauty.  So she is here.  Because she is amazing.  Today I want to fuck Silje Norendal.

I bet you guys thought I was done with Alex Morgan for a while!  Nope, the ESPYs were last night so suck it!  That’s right, the bullshitiest of bullshit awards shows, the show that gives awards to sports, which not only all have their own awards but you don’t need to vote on who is the best because they play actual games to decide who is the best, was last night.  And thank god for our over saturation of media because without the ESPYs there would be a large number of Athlete I would never get to see on the red carpet.  Female athletes tend to be largely ignored except for the every 4 years we see them in some global event.  So I like it.  And I actually have not been the biggest fan of some of Alex Morgan’s outfits over the years.  This isn’t stunning because when your job is playing soccer and your defining skill is running really fast that in no way transfer into fashion knowledge.  It’s a whole separate skill set so you may not have both.  Like, I don’t run fast at all.  But I bought some really cool socks a couple of weeks ago.  They have flamingos on them. Because I am a fashion icon.  But not a world class athlete.  But last night I really liked what she wore, so that is good.  It was probably my second favorite dress but you know what, that Goalie isn’t getting posted.  My thoughts on that are too complicated. So here is Alex Morgan because she is gorgeous and I was happy to see her and all of that.  Today I want to fuck Alex Morgan.

So we beat Germany.  And yeah I am one of those annoying sports fans who says things like we but it’s the national team, they represent America.  I am a real American.  I feel real joy and wait, wait… there is a sound track for this post, one sec…

There we go.  This post has a soundtrack.  An AMERICAN Soundtrack. Look, watching the National Team is really exciting because they are good but also fun to watch.  And I really like Women’s soccer cause it’s way better than Men’s soccer.  I am sure there are purists out there who will decry it as “exciting” or “Fun” or “Watchable” and I get that the men’s game isn’t supposed ot be those things but women’s soccer is different.  They are entertaining and they also aren’t grabbing their legs with phantom injuries constantly because they are tough.  They are bad asses.  This post is largely for the whole team but Alex Morgan is my favorite so she is here.  Sadly I am basically out of good action shots because despite being probably the most popular female athlete in the country and the most popular soccer player in the country… well she’s a female athlete and a soccer player, there are only so many pictures.  We’ll just have to cope with these other pictures where she is gorgeous.  Last night was exciting, I can’t wait for the finals. Ok kids, train, say your prayers, eat your vitamins, be true to yourself, be true to your country.  Be a real American.  Today I want to fuck Alex Morgan.

The US played last night so obviously I am posting Alex Morgan cause that’s what i do.  I really love watching play in the Better World Cup and I absolutely love Alex Morgan.  It’s so strange, I am bad at favorites but I never was with sports.  I mean, obviously I have my teams, only the worst people in the world vacillate from team to team.  But like favorite players, I lock in, it’s easy.  It was at some point watching the National team play in 2011 that I first saw her and yeah, I saw her getting ready to be subbed in and was like, wow, who is that, she’s beautiful.  Then I saw her play.  Look, I could watch her run all day.  I feel the need to qualify that is not a sexual thing, that is just the joy of watching athletic achievement.  I mean, I know this is the internet and somewhere there is a website called Women on Treadmills or something.  I just love watching her go at full speed, she’s so fast it’s just a joy to watch.  I wish I had gotten to see more of it last night like against Nigeria but you know what?  I’ll take the goal instead.  A joy to watch though.  She is great and today I want to fuck Alex Morgan.

So I was watching the Better World Cup last night (That is what I am calling it, remember?)  And I am enjoying it because Women’s soccer is pretty great.  I have gone into this before.  I don’t have a ton to say about the game other than obviously I enjoyed it.  I wish we had scored more because we had a ton of opportunities but it was exciting.  Scoring chances are exciting.  Alex Morgan looked like she is doing a little better, moving quickly.  But really this is just about the fact that I love Alex Morgan.  She is beautiful, she is talented.  And so fast.  I could watch her streak past defenders all day to create scoring chances.  She is so much fun to watch.  The whole team is fun to watch.  I really love the Women’s national team and she’s my favorite player. So today I want to fuck Alex Morgan.

So the World Cup is starting and I am going to just come out and say it, the better World Cup is starting tonight.  Now, I realize my opinion there may be unpopular and it likely comes from the fact that I am not as big of a soccer fan as large swatches of the world.  You know this because I call it soccer while most people outside the US and pretentious people trying to sound more cosmopolitan inside the US call it Football. The thing I like about the Women’s World Cup is you still get high level athletes playing , which is hwy I find the Men’s World Cup, here to referred to as the more boring World Cup watchable. But the Women’s game is more wide open, more things seem to happen.  It is just more exciting.  Now, I realize, real purists don’t want anything exciting.  It’s a very American thing of me to want what I watch to be entertaining.  I am fine with that.  I am just going to say that the Women are more entertaining, the game is more exciting, and thus I think we should stop calling it the Women’s World Cup.  After all, no one calls the other World Cup the Men’s World Cup.  We can just call it the better World Cup.  So here is Alex Morgan in celebration.  I have enjoyed watching her play since the last World Cup, mainly because she is really, really fast.  Like probably faster than me in a car since I always seem to be caught behind idiots who just cannot get their car into second gear.  And you know, also as an added factor I give you this fact about her: USA! USA! USA!  So today I want to fuck Alex Morgan.

A thing I feel like I should say to start, and I will use generalities to start, is that if you are the sort of person who, when someone else gets something you are filled with anger, then you are at the very best an asshole.  And insecure asshole most likely.  Because someone getting something is not depriving you.  Other people being happy does not cost you happiness, there isn’t a limited supply.  Or if there is you aren’t drawing from the same well.  You are just an asshole who is so full of insecurities that you quite literally want everyone else to be miserable so you can feel better about yourself.  This makes you a raging asshole.  And that’s not even addressing how often your attitude is informed by racism or misogyny or homophobia or whatever small minded little bullshit you have going on.  This is brought on by the fact that Alex Morgan has been everywhere in my life lately (or seemed to be.  Google “Frequency Illusion” or Baader-Meinhoff).  It started with the announcement that FIFA 16 will include women’s teams and of course Alex Morgan is the face they are using.  And yeah, some dudes lost their shit about how this will ruin the game.  Because nothing ruins your fun like a feature that you never have to use but you know somewhere, someone is enjoying it.  Anyway, it culminated in me getting the mail this morning because I forgot yesterday and there is ESPN the Magazine with Alex Morgan on the cover.  Now, usually these magazines I don’t want go right in the recycling bin and this one was headed that way until I saw Alex Morgan and I was like, ok, sure, I’ll check it out.  Cause I happen to really like the US Women’s National team, I actually find Women’s soccer more watchable because it feels more wide open.  Also I am very attracted to Alex Morgan.  She is gorgeous and she can run like the wind.  And she’s everywhere or at least my brain thinks she is.  Today I want to fuck Alex Morgan.