Tag: Athlete

If I have to tell you who Gracie Gold is you probably have not been watching the Olympics, at least not in America, because were coverage to be believed the only two athletes at the Olympics to start the games were Shaun White and Gracie Gold.  After Shaun White didn’t medal that means Gracie Gold is almost the only athlete.  I get it, it’s a TV show, I just wish there were better options for watching sports as opposed to listening to Bob Costas/Al Micheals/whoever interview people.  Anyway, Gracie Gold is a figure skater if somehow you had not put that together yet, if she wins the gold it would not only feel like fate given her name but she’d immediately be America’s sweetheart because… pretty blond white girl wins gold in the most popular Winter Olympic Sport.  I am actually not a big figure skating fan, I like the costumes and everything but I dislike the outsized representation it gets and I am bothered by a sport that seems to be known for corrupt judging and that winning is based on things other than performance.  I can’t say I know it well enough to know when that is happening but the knowledge it is happening bothers me enough that I cannot enjoy it.  I can enjoy beauty and talent though, and for all the surrounding stuff I appreciate how impressive it is that these people can skate like they do.  And yes, she is very pretty.  And well, we’ll pretend for a second that this is really about America, I am here because I am rooting for America and you should, too.  Unless you’re not an American and then I’m sorry, that must be hard for you.  Anyway, today I want to fuck Gracie Gold.

Like most people I didn’t know who Tessa Virtue was before the 2010 Olympics.  I say most people because obviously there are fans of ice dancing out there who no doubt knew who she was and I work under the assumption all Canadians knew who she was because all my Canadian friends are just nuts about any sport that takes place on ice.  As a matter of fact, I “discovered” her because a Canadian told me I was wrong about someone else, Tessa Virtue was the hottest girl in the Olympics in 2010.  I kind of rolled my eyes and googled and was had to admit, she well could be the hottest person in the Olympics.  She is definitely gorgeous.  The ice dancing is pretty I suppose but I can’t  claim to be blown away by it like I am by flashier sports, it’s just not one of those things that speaks to my soul.  I do love what she wears on the ice often though.  And she is just so pretty.  And I just heard in some preview or news piece or whatever garbage NCB keeps showing instead of actual Olympics that she might be retiring after this.  Because the world cruelly uses the Olympics to remind us that 24 years old is too old and if you’re old than that it’s pretty much time to give up on life.  Don’t worry though, I am a kind soul, so I would gladly take Tessa in if she finds people barring her from places due to age.  I will state she is not too old for me.  Today I want to fuck Tessa Virtue.

I love the Olympics.  I have since I was a kid.  I don’t know why really other than by having it only happen every 4 years it felt very special.  I kind of dislike that they stagger them now, it was cool when it really was only every 4 years when I was a kid.  I guess national pride and stuff goes into it, too.  And there is the human interest element, all sports are the story of people but these are the stories of people who have worked very hard with very little acclaim.  Most are not millionaires.  And I guess also for me there is the added advantages of Olympic crushes.  I can’t say it is something I have thought of as a thing before but I am realizing back in 1992 I had a pretty solid crush on someone on the gymnastics team.  I tried google and stuff but for the life of me I can’t remember who it was.  I just know I watched a lot of gymnastics that year strictly to see someone and sigh a little bit.  Anyway, female athletes have gotten noticeably hotter over the years as the idea of women being able to compete in things other than baking contests has become more and more socially acceptable.  It makes a lot of sense really, that people who work out constantly and are in amazing shape would often be attractive.  Like the math is very basic on that one but you have no idea how different it is than the stereotype about female athletes was when I was a kid.  Anyway, that’s a lot of talking to bring us to Silje Norendal who is from Norway and is a snowboarder and a damn good one at that.  I would not know she was even a thing if not for the Olympics but now I know and well… why did I pick her?  I can’t pretend patriotism.  The answer should be so obvious though, look at that face!  I mean, just look at her!  My god!  On top of those looks she happens to be one of the best in the entire world at what she does?  How do you not find that amazingly attractive?  Think about it, someone who is better at something than 7 billion people. Don’t you just want to be around that?  I do.  And holy fuck is she pretty.  So today I want to fuck Silje Norendal.

So here is Lolo Jones who has somehow become a controversial Olympian over the past couple of years.  This year because she’s doing the bobsled and there is a feeling she has cost a dedicated bobsledder a spot on the team.  I can kind of understand the impulse but I don’t think it’s fair, it isn’t like she showed up yesterday and this isn’t the first time a sprinter has been used in the back of a bobsled.  Of course, a lot of the accusations come from the fact that she is hot.  This is not the first time that has happened either, back in the summer games there was talk that she only got the hype she did because she was hot.  Which was interesting because she was running track, perhaps the purest sport there is, there are no points, there is no judging, it is people running and the fastest one wins.  And she had wins under her belt so it was very hard to claim she just out prettied people to the finish line.  Just like it’s hard to claim that she out prettied her way to the bobsled team, it’s just that I don’t recall there being such outrage when Herschel Walker joined the bobsled team.  It leads me to think her vagina is a pretty big part of the issue here, we do have a history of getting rather angry when a woman either gets uppity or has the never to make us sexually attracted to her.  So the fact that she hasn’t stuck in her little box and is also pretty and knows it will cause some anger.  Look, I am not telling you that you should feel sorry for her because she’s pretty, there are worse things to be, I am just pointing out nothing is all sunshine and roses and there are downsides to everything that become clearer if you take the time to just see things from someone else’s perspective.  It’s not as much fun as outrage but it will help you in the long term.  Enough of that though, I can say without a doubt Lolo Jones is absolutely here today because of her looks, her looks got her this honor.  Now, hard work was involved because seriously that body… I mean, that is a lot of hours on the track… but she’s here because she’s hot, I won’t pretend otherwise.  Or wait, I will, she’s here because I love America and thus it is my patriotic duty to want to sleep with her.  That’s right, much like Thomas Jefferson, today I want to fuck Lolo Jones.

Last time I posted Alex Morgan it was because of the 4th of July and I claimed patriotism or some such bullshit.  This time I have to admit it’s just because she’s so gorgeous.  Like, she is so pretty and I am so amazed at how pretty she can be running up and down a pitch at full speed.  Seriously, I look like crap after taking the stairs some day, she is moving like a gazelle down the field and her hair still looks great in that ponytail.  It’s awesome.  I mean, she’s obviously in amazing shape as well but look at that face, she’s lovely.  And now she’s in a tire commercial because, well, duh, who else would you put in a tire commercial?  And so that was just on TV and that’s kismet or a sign or something and so today I want to fuck Alex Morgan.

Here’s Alex Morgan.  Because, you know, America!  That’s right, I am choosing to show my patriotism by supporting this nations fine athletes.  Especially this one.  Believe it or not I have thought of her for more reasons than the 4th of July, she has come up in conversations a ton recently.  It’s probably a sign.  I almost kind of miss Olympic Soccer, which I figure really kind of defines America.  We only watch then and we watch the women because it’s a sport we can be pretty sure we’ll win because we have a sizable talent gap.  Like the dream team.  We’re America dammit, we’re not interested in competition, we’re interest in winning.  Or I could be talking out my ass.  It is for real like 5 AM and I just know a few things about Alex Morgan.  She is really fast.  Like way faster than me.  She can do things with her feet that I can’t with my hands.  That’s not a crude sexual reference.  She is gorgeous and an impressive athlete and she represented my country and so it all just kind of came together today.  Today I want to fuck Alex Morgan.

So, usually when I post something about a three way it’s usually because I am a dirty perv and greedy.  I am ok with that, I don’t think I am all alone in the world of wanting more, more, more.  Today it isn’t that.  Well, not only that.  Today is kind of like a celebration of sorts?  It’s a way of expressing my love for the Women’s National Team, who have been just thrillingly entertaining all Olympics.  I can’t help but love them, there is an energy and enthusiasm that is infectious and if tumblr is any indication I am not alone in feeling it.  Of course, obviously my favorites are Alex Morgan and Hope Solo.  Alex Morgan is just so much fun to watch play and so gorgeous, I mean that goal in extra time yesterday… wow  And Hope Solo has some sort of base sensuality that I think we all feel.  So that kind of sums it up, why I want them, why today I want to fuck Hope Solo and Alex Morgan.

So the other day I mentioned even though Hope Solo seems to be the girl of soccer fans dreams I prefer Alex Morgan.  This was not a swipe at Hope Solo but I am probably lucky she doesn’t read this because she would have torn me a new asshole for even the imagined slight.  It’s actually one of the things I kind of like about Hope Solo.  I like that she seems to have very little filter, not just speaking her mind but going out of her way to make sure you hear her speak her mind.  Can this lead to maybe saying something dumb?  Maybe.  But I find it preferable to empty platitudes and athlete cliches.  And while I said I think Alex Morgan is prettier that doesn’t make Hope Solo not pretty, I do get why people like her.  Obviously, I mean she’s appearing here.  I am not sure what else to say really, I like her attitude, I like the way she looks, I like international soccer and I am enjoying watching the women play, and today I want to fuck Hope Solo.

I had a discussion the other day that basically went like this:

“What’s up with Volleyball player’s butts.  I almost think it was a requirement to have a great butt to make the team”

“Jumping drills and squats give you a great butt as a side effect”

“Oh, well that’s good.  I think the US Team’s butts are way better than the South Korean team’s.  America rules”.

I had another conversation a few days later with a friend who told me she had been watching Men’s Gymnastics and it was giving her impure thoughts.  Because yeah, we tend to like hard, toned bodies.  There is nothing wrong with that.  I also think that excellence is attractive but probably most attractive is the effort put in.  Passion is sexy but more so is the dedication it takes to get to this point.  My little brother was quite the wrestler in high school but his training regime was eating cheetos and playing x-box, he relied on talent alone.  He is, unsurprisingly, not in the Olympics, no one there made it by slacking off, these are people who have worked so hard for so long.  It’s why I love seeing the medal ceremonies, you can’t help but feel good for the winners because they have given so much of themselves and it means so very much to them.

All of this is a very long way of getting to the fact that I have been watching Volleyball and while I am not an expert or anything I am enjoying it, though I like beach volleyball a little more, I find fewer players easier to follow.  But I did notice about the butts and the in-shapeness and the fact that these girls are way more physically talented than I could hope to be.  I also noticed that Logan Tom is pretty cute.  And she has the butt.  And… so here we are, today I want to fuck Logan Tom.

I’ve been watching the Olympics a lot this weekend.  There is a special sort of irony that athletic competition encourages me to plant on the couch and watch TV but there it is, I love the Olympics.  Now, I have already done some US Athletes but today we are traveling to Paraguay for the pick.  Now, some of you might be saying that is some sort of betrayal but all I am doing is embracing the true Olympic ethos of bringing people from all over the world together to embrace the commonalities of being human.  Sport can help us understand our shared appreciation of achievement, of humans endeavoring to be the best they can be, the triumph of victory and the tragedy of defeat.  Or in this case the appreciation of beauty and out desire to sleep with said beauty.  I know next to nothing about the Javelin event except for the fact that it’s pointy and you aren’t supposed to try and catch it.  Leryn Franco is not the best in the world, she was 51st in the Bejing games.  Still, to get to the Olympics is a triumph and there is something attractive about trying as hard as you can, working your entire life to achieve something.  Being good at something is sexy, even if you are just very good instead of great.  Then you throw it into this body?  It is pretty nice.  I assume anyone who recognizes her name will know her because in 2008 she was declared the “hottest Olympian”.  I bet she can compete for that title again this year, no finishes in the 50’s in that event.  I get it, she’s gorgeous, I have a bit of Olympic Fever, and today I want to fuck Leryn Franco.