Here’s Demi Lovato on account of my thinking she’s really beautiful. That’s it really. I am impressed that she has done something as a child star that is really hard to do, which is get better with age, have an upward trajectory after 17. It’s hard to do because the world loves to eat child stars up. So good for her. I just wanted to say something else positive though cause she’s really just hear cause Demi Lovato is really hot. Today I want to fuck Demi Lovato.
Here is Emily Ratajkowski cause I have always had a thing for hot girls. She got married this week out of the blue and boy certain corners of the internet have a lot to say about that. People often have a lot to say about other people’s lives I guess. My inclination here was to make an X-Men reference because when I was a kid anytime anyone joined the X-Men there would be something along the cover of, “Welcome to the X-Men, hope you survive the experience”. But when I wrote that about marriage it sounded very negative and no one would get a random X-Men reference that had nothing to do with the X-Men. It’s just that stupid part of my brain that has existed at least since I was 8 which was like, “If I make obscure references to X-Men comics, then everyone will think I’m cool right?” Well… I am still waiting for my complimentary cool dude sunglasses. It’s been a long time. Either way, she is hot and I wish her well and if she had a mutant power it would be cleavage. I think. Cleavage related maybe? Boy, I would be a terrible comic book writer. Today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.
It was basically an inevitability I was posting Kaetlyn Osmond again today. I knew going into today with the Women’s Free Skate yesterday that she was very likely to show up. In some ways I am sorry I have to post her again because there are so many talented athletes I just wanted to mention. Even just in figure skating. Gabby Daleman is worth noting just for her otherworldly beauty (and the way my heart broke for her last night 3 separate times and then a fourth when I saw the way her face looked leaving the ice). Karen Chen is notable strictly because she might have the best on ice attire I have ever seen. Seriously, google it or, I guess just ask me in a message, I’ll share, it’s strikingly beautiful and creative and perfect. Ivett Toth deserves to be mentioned just for her short program the other night which I think charmed basically half the world with how amazing it was to see someone skate in a leather jacket to AC/DC. And really everyone because they are all so skilled. I have said before that making the Olympics is impressive enough and it is. So many of these young women just skated their hearts out and they fall and it breaks my heart and it must be even harder their but they get up and keep going and their faces don’t show a hint of pain until it’s over. When I was younger I often discounted figure skating as most did as frivolous or silly or not a real sport and for that I owe them and generations of figure skaters before an apology. I think we all know why the most popular winter sport that draws more female viewers than male is immediately discredited in the minds of many sports fans. My point is, I have all of that going into this and lots I wanted to say but Kaetlyn was always going to be posted because I had to. As remarkable as everyone else is, as impressive as it is, she is simply that much more remarkable. I don’t know why she stood out to me 4 years ago in Sochi but she did. She is beautiful yes. God is she beautiful but there is beauty in surplus at these games and still something about how she skates speaks to me. I am not an expert. Far from it. Judges ding things and all I can think is, “Looked pretty fucking sweet to me you picky assholes”. So I can’t claim she is better than the Russians but I like her and how she skates a great deal more. There is just a feel to it. It feels right. Theirs didn’t speak to me in the same way. Every time she skates I am enraptured. It’s why I took the time to make a bunch of gifs, I think you have to see her in motion, and even my shitty gifs hold at least a tiny bit of the joy of watching her. So yeah, as I said earlier she is beautiful, and it’s part of why she’s here but there is more than that. The Olympics are almost over, almost everything is done and figure skating is completely over. I have watched more figure skating this year than probably any other Olympics before, at least since I was a kid and didn’t control the remote. She was my favorite part of it. Today I want to fuck Kaetlyn Osmond.
I feel like I am wronging people by only posting one person today but I will take comfort in the fact that literally none of them are bothered by their exclusion. I had to choose someone and so here is Kailani Craine who is from Australia, which makes her even extra impressive. See, I have an encyclopedic knowledge of Australia because I have seen every Mad Max Movie, both Crocodile Dundees multiple times, and sometimes the Crocodile Hunter used to be on TV in the lounge when I walked past it in college. So I’m pretty much an expert and what I know about Australia is that it is full of giant spiders and snakes and everything on the entire continent is either poisonous, venomous, or both and it’s all trying to kill you. Now, some smart ass is going to bring up Kangaroos. Are even Kangaroos trying to kill you? Especially the Kangaroos. Don’t let those cute pouches and charming hops fool you, if a Kangaroo had the chance it would kill you and everything you’ve ever loved. On top of that it’s all the Outback. And not the kind that serves you steak, it’s better than that but still kind of miserable because it’s hot and red and it never rains and if the 1984 horror movie Razorback is to be believed, and I don’t know why it would lie, full of giant mutant boars. Which obviously are trying to kill you. So it’s impressive enough that she survived that kind of place but on top of that to play a winter sport in a land that is, once again, a dessert where warlords control all access to water, which is needed for ice and snow, well, that’s remarkable. This is all makes her very tough and very assertive to have learned how to ice skate, much less at an Olympic level. It makes a lot of sense if you think about it because of course she’s a figure skater, her country is a sneaky place that has beautiful things that are actually deadly, it’s the inherent contradiction of Australia and Figure Skating. And I know that might be strange to say that about figure skating but here is the thing, you watch a figure skater and you think, “My god, what a beautiful, delicate flower”. You see a girl and you think, oh, she’s this tiny, slight girl, so graceful, so delicate. But it’s all a lie. They are not these things. Well… they’re graceful. But go look at any figure skater’s instagram and of course they have legs like tree trunks. What, do you think they were jumping without muscles? And then if you get a work out shot of their arms and back and you realize that they could rip you in two with their bare hands. I am not here to decry delicate flowers, they have their place, but I have never seen a bouquet of tulips and thought it could tear my arms from my torso if I made it angry. So you know, figure skating is like that, it almost wants to make people forget through artistry and shiny costumes that these are remarkable athletes. I guess I am saying figure skaters don’t always get the respect they deserve, especially from sports fans. I respect them. I’ll be honest, the fact that Kailani Craine survived the endless death trap that I imagine Australia to be is impressive enough. She can also jump on ice while wearing a pretty dress? That’s too much talent for one person. Today I want to fuck Kailani Craine.
I am watching the Olympics and hey, this post is kind of related. I have been thinking about Aly Raisman since her Sports Illustrated shoot came out. I liked it. I think she is in general brave and strong and of course there was negativity about it because a woman on the internet did a thing and that is bound to piss a lot of men off. They seem like dicks to me. The shoot of course isn’t what makes her brave, sometimes people are brave to just get up and face the day. She and a lot of other women are brave for just that reason alone. I don’t really want to get into abuse here, I have a lot to say about it and always have but this is not the blog for it, so I will just say if you have suffered you have my sympathy. It is really hard, it is very isolating, and it will always be with you. But I guess that’s part of the bravery, not just continuing on but speaking out. It helps people feel at least not so alone. Beyond all the pragmatic reasons for it it gives other people courage and resolve. So I get angry when I see sad, shitty men on the internet act like sad, shitty men because a girl wore a bathing suit but then I remind myself they don’t matter, not even a little. They are trolls and trolls live for attention so my attention will instead by on Aly Raisman, who is basically a real life superhero. And by that I am no longer talking about coming forward, I am talking about there being pictures to her clinging to a wall in last year’s SI because she is in peak physical condition so is probably the closest to Spider-man we’re ever going to get. Aly Raisman can climb walls. That’s awesome. It’s also really hot. She’s beautiful and impressive and today I want to fuck Aly Raisman.
Happy Valentine’s Day guys. I hope your day is good. I am posting Kelly Brook today cause she made it easy by releasing some lingerie photoshoot that I assume was for Valentine’s Day. It could be a coincidence of course. Just seems unlikely. Anyway, she made my choice easy cause, you know, I like British Girls. If I were to have my choice of Valentine it would be a British Girl. Anyway, I usually would tell you guys not to worry too much about today because I know it stresses people out but I’ll remind you love comes in all forms and it isn’t jsut romantic. There is love in your life if you look close enough. Heartbreak can bubble to the top if you let it but rather than focus on that, focus on those who do love you. You will know who they are, they show it in their actions even if they don’t in their words. Appreciate it. Say thank you. Know that it is a wonderful thing to have and you are luckier than you realized. Then you know, look at these pictures of Kelly Brook. She’s pretty. That’ll give you a warm feeling, too, right? Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.
I was saddened heading into this Olympics by some early retirements of athletes I liked last time out. Three I posted even. But, you know who is back? Kaetlyn Osmond. And thank god because the world is richer for getting to see her. Four years ago (or technically 3 years ago, 11 months, and 17 days ago) when I posted Kaetlyn I was taken by her beauty and I said figure skaters dress like fairy princesses. I realized rereading that today that perhaps people might think that’s an insult. I am here to set you straight, there is nothing insulting about looking like a fairy princess. We should all be so god damned lucky. Look, the simple truth is that I have a love hate relationship with figure skating. I love the beauty and athleticism, I tend to hate the judging. Which yes, has gotten better and technically they no longer score you on how much of a fairy princess you look like and if you have fairy princess blood in your family or not but… well, I still think it’s their. But why I hate how a girl looking coming into play in if she gets a medal or lot I don’t hold it against the costumes. Which are frankly amazing. I love the chance for personal expression that most sports don’t allow. Would I like to see what happened if LeBron James designed his own uniform and it was different every few days? Fuck yeah I would! But it would never happen. It happens here and I can’t hold it against the pretty, sparkly costumes that they might influence a judge. And that personal expression is part of what I like about Kaetlyn and why I am actually looking forward to watching figure skating this year. She was accused last time of being “too adult” which is still beyond stupid. She was an adult, deal with it. Also, you know, I know Tinkerbell is a huge property for Disney but I don’t think it’s because it’s something the parents are buying for after they put the kids to bed. Anyway, she is sexy, so I think that is what people are sensing. There is a bit of that in the costumes (I loved her gloves. Why? I dunno, I just really dug them). I mean, they’re very much not sexual costumes but she herself is just kind of sexy, and her personality comes through. And man I like her a lot guys. She is one of those special ones who is just gorgeous. So I am posting her even though it’s just team skate so far and her individual stuff won’t be until the end of the week, I am glad for the excuse to post her. Today I want to fuck Kaetlyn Osmond.
In looking for pictures, I have discovered that Hilary Knight has abs that could kill a man. How? I don’t really know, I have never had lethal abs so I am not entirely clear on the logistics but they are very impressive so I am confident they could get the job done. I guess if they couldn’t she has a silver medal also, you could probably beat a man to death with that. I mean, she definitely could, she’s an Olympic athlete. She’s an impressive physical specimen, I assume most Olympians could kill a man if they wanted to since you guys are so obsessed with this for some reason but they wouldn’t. Because that’s counter to the Olympic spirit. I am not sure why you guys are so focused on this weird digression, the Olympics are about togetherness. So yes, while Hilary Knight could murder a man in numerous ways, I mean, she wears razor sharp skates, carries a big stick and has arms like pythons, it would be easy, but she wouldn’t. Because she represents something bigger, unity through sport, through human achievement and something universal about all of us. It’s a wonderful, magical thing if you let it be and let go of your morbid obsessions. Look, the magic of the Olympics is it is one of the few experiences of unbridled optimism in a world where lazy cynicism often rules the day. It’s a celebration of the human spirit and the joy in it is seeing people who have worked hard achieve their dreams. The greatest moments are seeing someone win a medal, or watching an entire small country go nuts because it won it’s first medal ever, or seeing someone who is just so thrilled to be there they can’t keep the joy off of their face. The US Women play their first game tomorrow but I was up at 3 AM not sleeping and watching Japan and Sweden play and I thought about Hilary Knight and how I almost posted her last Olympics but didn’t get around to it because there is so much going on during the Olympics. She is gorgeous and talented and you know what, the NHL may have abandoned the Olympics like a bunch of dicks but there will still be great hockey to watch thanks to the women. Today I want to fuck Hilary Knight.
Guys, there was so much competition today! First of all, there is snow in Korea and I am so excited for that. I stayed up until 2 AM to watch the first events but that won’t get posted here because it was Men’s Alpine Skiiing and Curling. And well, none of the men caught my eye and then I went to bed because while I realize it’s a capital offense if you are in Canada, I am in the US so I can freely say I wasn’t willing to stay up any later just to watch curling. So Olympics posts are coming, just not today. Then I get up and there are like 12 new great photoshoots? And people showing up at events and looking amazing? This was a hard decision but I am posting Melissa Benoist cause she looked sexy for Coveteur and has been in a ton of great shoots recently, which I assume is related to Waco which… hey, it’s weird. I remember Waco and the world being fascinated with it at the time and it bothered me as a kid because it felt slimy then (people seemed more titillated than concerned) and now as an adult it’s strange to see the news events of my childhood mined for drama. Not that it’s wrong to do so it just feels… strange. So maybe it will be awesome? Who knows. I am sure it will be a big hit. There is a joke there about it having a cult following but I’ll avoid that. In part because it’s hacky but also because I am never sure if having a cult following is a good thing. Pretty much that means most people don’t like you. I guess having a cult following is good if you’re a cult leader but otherwise it seems like a negative to me. Anyway, Melissa Benoist sure is pretty. She always looks good but it’s nice to get a reminder. Today I want to fuck Melissa Benoist.
Miranda Kerr is pregnant (No, not in these pictures. Sorry, I know I often do a where’s Waldo where I very cleverly insert one pregnant picture so you can spend hours looking but to my knowledge she is not pregnant in these. I don’t know for certain, there is no test. I guess you could ask her if she was pregnant yet in any of these but to my knowledge she is not. That’s a fun game, see if you can get blocked on social media by asking weirdly intrusive pregnancy questions about pictures) and she was on Jimmy Kimmel last night and I thought she looked great. Unfortunately all the pictures are just kind of paparazzi shots and I don’t dig on those much so here is um… Miranda Kerr Classic we’ll call it. Pictures from as long as like 8 months ago, before she was pregnant. Anyway, she looked good then, she looks good now, today I want to fuck Miranda Kerr.
Who I want to Fuck Today 