Tag: Kate Upton

Kate Upton is back in this year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue and thank god.  I mean, it wasn’t painful without her but Kate’s best work is often in a swimsuit so I missed her last year.  It seems a lot of people did because she’s currently trending on twitter.  Ranking above the fact that our President and his advisors colluded with the Russians.  Jesus, this country used to hate communism more than anything, even more than it loved boobs.  Better red than dead, guys.  Have you seen the Soviet Swimsuit Issue?  No, you haven’t. It’s the Soviet Parka edition because all it does is snow in Russia and that’s all that’ll happen here if we give in to this horseshit.  Better dead than red, guys. And before someone sends me something about the fall of communism I would like to point out that first of all, I don’t care.  Second of all, better dead than red just sounds better than better dead than the cronies of a oligarcic kleptocracy run by a former KGB agent turned Autocrat.  Anyway, Fiji sure is pretty to look at huh?  Well you know what, I agree but the Russians don’t.  They will take away Fiji and Kate Upton’s boobs if they get the chance.  Do you want that? No?  Then go buy a subscription to the Washington Post, it’s only like $3 on amazon.  I went with only picture from the Swimsuit issue today because sometimes in rare cases I do that.  I did that because I think Kate looked great this year.  I have heard some complaints that it is similar to previous years from her but she looked great in those years so the transitive property means she looks great this year, too.  So here she is looking great. Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

The Grammys are this weekend and that should make for an exciting evening of pictures tomorrow night but earlier this weekend we are getting some Grammys related stuff.  Kate Upton was at a thing honoring Tom Petty and I endorse all parts of that, that Tom Petty is great and Kate Upton showing up at things.  I actually kinda liked her dress which is why she is here.  I realize “kinda like” is maybe not the highest praise but you know it’s good, I like it, it isn’t the dress of the year or anything.  It’s more one of those where I kinda dig it but can’t entirely put my finger on what it is.  And I’ll be honest, I have different standards for different people.  Not that I am cutting the tall, busty blonde woman a break cause she has it so hard looking good but you know, her red carpet stuff is sometimes not my favorite stuff.  So I probably like the stuff that is good more than I would for some people who tend to knock it out of the park on the red carpet.  The bigotry of low expectations I guess but in this case it’s in a situation that basically doesn’t matter.  I am rambling.  Sorry, I have slept about 5 total hours since Wednesday.  I am a mess.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

So… if you remember I posted about Kate Upton on Christmas and how I knew she was supposed to be part of the Love Advent calendar and really it was the only thing I was looking forward to but she never showed up.  Well, she showed up today in the final video for it.  5 Days after even the Eastern Orthodox dudes are done with Christmas.  Seems poorly planned to me but I will forgive it because… well, it was a really good video.  I enjoyed it and it reminded me of why I like Kate Upton so much.  It was fun and silly and so… it was good.  She also looked great but I knew that a month ago when I saw behind the scenes pictures.  She did look great though and I tried really, really hard to get a gif to work in this post but I couldn’t create anything that was small enough.  Believe me I tried.  So here are links to some attempts.  Enjoy this and this.  Anyway, today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

So I have known this post was coming all week, I just didn’t know which day. See, Kate Upton posted some behind the scenes pictures of her working on the Love Advent (which I have talked a lot about this year even though I still consider it not my thing, it’s more coincidence than anything) and she looked fantastic.  I was like, well, obviously whenever her video shows up I will end up posting her.  And… well it never happened.  If it’s the worst disappointment I ever have to deal with I’ll cope.  Merry Christmas everyone, I hope you are having a good one.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Here is Kate Upton and Emily Ratajkowski because it’s my blog and I can do whatever I want.  I was originally going to post Kate Upton because she looked great at this Christmas Dance Party last night (forgive me for forgetting the hosts name. I don’t remember and this blog is very anti research).  So I thought I’d post her but I couldn’t find picture of just her, mainly just pics of her and Emily Ratajkowski.  And then I was like, well, she looks pretty great, too.  Maybe I should post her.  But then that didn’t feel right, leaving Kate out.  I wanted to post her.  But you know… I didn’t want anyone to lose in this scenario.  I know a lot of people hate the everyone gets a trophy thing but at the same time I am soft hearted and I get the urge.  I get that you don’t want to disappoint anyone. So I couldn’t choose.  I could do that to either girl.  So I decided I want both. For their sake.  Because I’m such a good person.  Today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski and Kate Upton.

So Kate Upton is going to be in the upcoming Galmour and she just looks fantastic in the shoot.  The only complaint I have seen at all is that she is wearing too much but you know…  she’s like half naked in a few of the pictures and it’s the October issue.  Bikinis don’t make sense there.  Anyway, because I love to tweak people here is Kate Upton wearing a lot of clothing.  I mean, I have some gifs of her in almost nothing and they are fantastic but today you don’t get that.  I don’t know why I have this urge to be obnoxious but I do.  It’s part of who I am.  It’s nice to have Kate back though.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

So two things surfaced today that had me thinking about the artificiality of photoshoots.  And I am not exactly breaking new ground here by pointing out the images they sell us are not reality.  And this isn’t about unrealistic expectations and stuff.  I mean, certainly that is a valid discussion to have but then so is the fact that no one is ever presenting you anything completely genuine.  Art, music, people… it’s all about getting a certain point of view across and if it seems manipulative or not is largely based on how you feel about that manipulation.  I am not going down that path though, that way lies nothing but Philosophy 101 and a whole lot of bullshit about there being no truth and reality is a lie which is both not helpful and intellectually lazy.  No, see today I saw pictures of Rosie Jones naked in a garden and she’s standing on the balls of her feet the entire time with her back arched.  And of course she’s topless, one day doctors will find a cure for her crippling allergy to tops.  One day!  But I wasn’t even looking at her breasts, and there is a conversation to be had about maybe desensitization seeps in when you see someone naked more than dressed but most of it was just that I was impressed that she was balancing like that and yet looked natural.  She just looked like she was having fun in a garden.  Except she was standing in a way no human being ever would and really I don’t know how she held the post.  I tried, I can’t, I start swaying and have to put my hands out to balance myself. Then I get to this picture of Kate Upton working out and that’s pretty common these days, there is this whole thing about her training and how shes’ getting into better shape and well… it’s a whole thing.  People love to talk about her level of fitness.  But she’s wearing like a tweed skirt and a bra and I guess that’s supposed to be sexy. Except my only thought was, “That bra is not supportive enough to work out in.  She’s going to hurt herself”.  So I get the picture is supposed to be sexy but my only thought is that really someone should get her appropriate workout attires.  That skirt is going to tear at some point and that’s just a waste.  And her boobs, well that’s going to be a disaster.  Someone help her.  And then I realized that is my problem with some of this artificiality.  I am not opposed to the artifice (and uh, ping @thunderstormofoblivion it turns out I am just an attending lord), I know it’s there, I just would like, at least for a moment, to be able to pretend it isn’t.  And I couldn’t.  Instead I just sat around thinking about poor Kate Upton getting hurt.  Then I looked for pictures that allowed me to embrace the illusion and here we are.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

The Kentucky Derby is so strange because it’s this weird portal back in time to an era that frankly was pretty shitty but certain people consider the golden age.  It’s this gathering of southern Aristocracy that doesn’t really exist anymore but kind of does and drinking drinks and horse trading both literal and figurative and… well, it’s not ground I need to cover because Hunter S Thompson already did 50 years ago so lord knows the world isn’t waiting on my take.  My point is that it’s a thing that kind of annoys me but I am also kind of drawn to.  And I was going to say this post was sort of about stupid hats because that is one of the things I am drawn to but it turns out Kate Upton didn’t wear a stupid hat yesterday.  I didn’t even notice until I looked closer, I think I just assumed she did.  I actually started to doubt myself but then it tunrs out she just isn’t wearing a hat here, because it’s a Gala, obviously at the race she did.  Because of course she did, she’s a horse person.  And I am tired, so I should clarify, by horse person I don’t mean an anthropomorphic horse or like half horse (because that would be a centuar, duh) but like, she’s been around horses all of her life.  She was a championship equestrian when she was younger.  So she understands dumb hats are a requirement.  Anyway, the hat thing comes up because I always think they look dumb and I am never like, “Oh sweet, look at that hat”.  Yet I always end up looking.  So I am wondering, is that their job?  Are they there to draw our attention so we talk about how dumb the hats are while still paying complete attention to the person wearing it and ignoring anything else of substance?  And that feels like the Kentucky Derby in general.  Then I remember I am on zero sleep so I am only like half sure I am even posting this.  I am going to go take a nap.  Oh yeah, happy Mothers day I guess?  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

I think it was yesterday (it might have been two days ago) but @soulblazer12 messaged me to say he was impressed with how good Kate Upton had looked at the Vanity Fair party and i agreed, saying she had looked really good lately in some photoshoots too and this made me happy.  I was hoping for more photoshoots and just… more of her looking good.  In general I am not a huge fan of her red carpet stuff so I would love to just see more stuff playing the her strengths as a model.  Well, apparently she’s in the 100th issue of V Magazine and she looks fantastic.  I love it.  So here she is an I am just so happy to have great pictures of Kate Upton to share because it’s a secret but I actually happen to be very attracted to her.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Today was another hard choice because there continue to be pictures from various Oscars stuff coming out and frankly there is an embarrassment of riches this year.  I am posting Kate Upton though because… well, I still like Kate Upton.  Maybe it isn’t like it once was when I was posting her constantly but I like her.  And she looked really good, which stands out because red carpet attire is often her weak spot.  I really liked what she wore.  Not just because of boobs.  The boobs didn’t hurt, obviously, but it was just a good dress.  It has some structure to it which helps her a lot and really suited her.  Also, finding pictures of her here was a reminder that man, the red carpet is not here thing a lot of the time, it made me appreciate the look even more.  She looked great.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.