Tag: Kate Upton

Every time when Fashion Week starts I find myself wishing it would never end (note: it is now over).  I mean, Ok, technically we get 4 weeks of it and London and Paris can give us some goodies but New York is always the most lucrative in the sense of lots of people I want to see wearing nice things showing up and wearing nice things.  Today was another tough choice but I really like Kate Upton’s silver top.  It’s just a good look for her and she has looked pretty good lately on the red carpet, not something that is always true.  Whatever decisions she’s making now though it’s the right one, I thought she looked fantastic.  So she’s here.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Kate Upton was in Shape magazine and that’s fantastic.  I am glad we seem to be getting more editorials featuring her lately because… because she’s pretty. Yeah, it’s pretty simple.  I like looking at Kate Upton and I think she has looked very good recently.  I quite liked the pictures, though a portion of the internet is complaining that she is too covered up.  I don’t think they like the jackets.  I have to say, they aren’t covering a lot but I can get the jacket bothering someone.  I don’t think she should work out or play basketball in the jacket she’s wearing in the picture I chose.  But I assume she’s doing that to keep warm before the coach sends her in.  This is important, you get sweaty and once you stop running around your cool down and eventually you can get chills, which aren’t just unpleasant, those chills can lead to muscle cramping.  I don’t want that and I assume Kate Upton doesn’t either.  So the jacket makes a lot of sense.  I guess what I am saying, Internet, is that sometimes it seems like nothing can actually make you happy.  I know that you can fall into this trap where just being negative seems like you are being insightful or smart but it’s a cover for insecurity, we all know that.  Regardless of why, eventually people aren’t going to want to hang out with you anymore because as we get older we realize we don’t need that kind of negativity in our life, that guy who shits on everything all the time.  So I get it, it’s not a typical warm up jacket but what do you want, past pictures have proven Kate Upton doesn’t have a lot of clothing, she’s barely covered.  She grabbed what she could because the team is counting on her.  Why would anyone have a problem with that?  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Kate Upton has just looked fantastic recently.  I mean, I have always been a fan but she has been killing it of late which is nice to see.  In part because one of my issues in the past is some of her outfits on the red carpet were just not great.  Which could very much have nothing to do with her, I don’t know her (I know, you probably assumed I did).  It could have been a bad stylist or a number of other things.  Or it could have been her.  It will forever be a mystery, like who built the pyramids.  And by that I mean the answers are clearly out there if you really want them but if you’re lazy you can pretend it’s aliens or something.  I mean that for both.  You can do no research and claim aliens built the pyramid and put Kate Upton in some regrettable dresses.  Why don’t they just stay on their own god damned planet?  Well, whatever is going on, it seems like an honest to goodness red blooded human being is dressing Kate now and she has just looked fantastic.  So I am posting her because I am pro-Earth and I am pro-Kate Upton.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Kate Upton was in a shoot for a Magazine I am blanking on the name of and in too much of a hurry to look up so uh… it’s a big mystery.  See if you can solve it.  Think about how good you’ll feel after.  A real life detective.  I have given you the gift of self esteem today, Tumblr, don’t squander it!  Anyway, she looked really good and hey, we’re about to enter an extremely long weekend so… why not some Kate Upton to send us out.  There is nothing more American than bronzed blonde women, right?  Or is that German?  It’s all very confusing.  My point is she looked good, I happen to like her.  It’s why I have posted her more than anyone else.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Here is Kate Upton cause it’s the weekend and it’s sunny and I am going to just go and enjoy the outdoors and uh… she looks like she is enjoying the outdoors to me.  I mean, also a bit ago SI released a whole bunch of unreleased pictures from the swimsuit issue and once again she looked great.  I am a fan.  So here she is in swimwear, mostly.  The gold slip dress seems like an odd beach choice but I am not complaining.  I am just saying trying to swim in it would be a bitch, the water would make it heavy and it would just not move well.  Probably why she’s in such shallow water in that shot.  She’s a smart one that Kate, she knows that’s a shallow water only piece of clothing.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

This past weekend Kate Upton was in Monaco for the Monaco Grand Prix.  I assume.  I mean she was at the Monaco Grand Prix this past weekend but I am leaping to a conclusion that that is why she went to Monaco.  Maybe she was at Cannes and got lost and ended up there?  I mean, she definitely was at Cannes.  The maybe is she got lost.  Maybe she went for the Casinos but showed up at the Grand Prix to mask her crippling gambling addiction?  Does Kate Upton have a gambling problem?  I can’t know for sure.  What I do know is that I wish this blog was more popular so that I could see the internet lined with shitty clickbait headlines in 6 hours with tings like “Does Kate Upton have a Gambling Problem!?!? Click here to see!”  I would run the best clickbait site by the way, because if you clicked that link it would just say no in big letters.  I feel like that way everyone gets what they want.  I get the clicks I so desperately desire and anyone who clicks gets a quick and concise answer so they can move on to click other stupid horseshit that they should really know better than to believe because of a headline designed to get attention.  Everybody wins in that scenario except for people who care about integrity or journalistic standards.  Luckily, those people can’t possibly be following a blog called Who I Want to Fuck Today.  Anyway, Kate Upton looked good there in the pics I saw over the weekend but then today there were pictures from a boat party and I don’t have a specific reason to post her other than those pictures were good. They did it for me.  I guess I like girls in white shirts with a shiny light gold suit. Well, now that I say it of course I do, it’s so obvious. It’s my thing I guess. Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

If anything this blog should show how mercurial and indecisive I am as a human being.  I get that that might seem like an odd statement as I post someone I have posted more than anyone else but most people run a fuck year blog about one person or can name a favorite celebrity or whatever.  I mean, I might be able to name a favorite as well but it’ll be different tomorrow and I’ll have a real issue deciding and I’ll never feel comfortable with my answer.  And posting Kate Upton it might seem strange that I am taking about this but yesterday she was on the list of people at things at Cannes who looked good but there were like 4 people I would have put ahead of her.  Nothing new has really come out since then and she is now ahead of all of them.  Why?  It might just be that I am really easy to influence, pictures of her, pictures I had already seen mind you, popped up on my dash overnight of her in Cannes and it was like, man, she looks good, I want to post her.  I mean, I also watched a blind taste test of tacos yesterday and then an hour later was craving tacos and didn’t put together why until I was eating tacos.  So there is that.  But there is also just a thing where on a Tuesday I will see two celebrities at an event and swear one is the most beautiful woman in the world.  By the weekend I can look at the same pictures from the event and claim the second one is now the most beautiful woman in the world and looks a million times better than the first.  So while I obviously find Kate Upton attractive and have since before I started this blog, after all she is the 4th person I ever posted (my first week of posts would surprise almost no one who has followed this blog for a long time).   But you know, I also go months without posting her.  Cause my brain is stupid.  Anyway, I thought she looked lovely at the events I have seen her at and big props for the gowns she wore, which were very good, a thing I can’t always say about her red carpet choices.  So thumbs up for simple elegance, though I guess the fringe isn’t simple and it might have it’d detractors.  I liked it.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

So pretty much all week people have been helpfully pointing me towards the flood of preview videos of Kate Upton’s Lip Sync Battles appearance.  And I get why.  And I appreciate it.  I feel bad that everyone is so disappointed that I was like, “Meh”.  It’s not you.  It’s not Kate.  I always disliked the song, I never got the appeal of the video, and so seeing it reconstructed was kind of meh.  Well, I should say I got the appeal of the video but.. the school girl thing.  Maybe it’s because I went to a private school but it strikes me as vaguely creepy a lot of the time and I really don’t get what about the outfit is all that hot unless it’s because it makes you think a girl is underage.  Like… otherwise it’s a shirt and skirt.  But hey, I’m also the person that doesn’t understand why eyes boggle every time a girl is in a bikini (while we’re at it, your frozen stills of upskirts and so on also creep me out.  Anything that makes me feel like some creep peaking under a bathroom stall is usually bad as a rule of thumb).  Anyway, I did watch it and it was kind of… fine?  I don’t understand the purpose of the show.  I kind of liked when Jimmy Fallon used to do something similar but it all felt much more thrown together and it wasn’t a massive production number.  I guess it’s like the shot for shot Psycho remake from the 90’s, I still am not sure why it exists. Anyway, my main take away was that Kate Upton seems like a good sport and she is pretty fun.  I got that mainly from the preshow interview stuff and so on. First of all, that green dress was pretty great, she looked fantastic there, much better than in the lip sync stuff.  But… I am reminded of Amy Schumer making a joke once about a guy telling her Kate Upton was funny and how Kate Upton wasn’t funny.  And I got both sides.  Look, I can’t tell you how angry it makes me when someone goes, “You have to meet person X, he’s the funniest person I have ever met”.  And it’s always like, hey, I’m standing right the fuck here. Either you’re a dick out to hurt me or a fucking idiot.  I mean, in fairness it’s usually the later but the knife really twists when I meet the guy and the funniest guy ever does this one impression of what if Monica Lewinski sang We Are the World.  Besides being 20 years out of date, it’s not that funny.  And a couple people lose their shit and I am like, ok, say something else funny.  And it never comes and I am like, “This is the funniest guy you’ve ever met?  This person, right next to me, is the funniest person ever?”  Then I get a, “Well, when I say funniest person ever I mean he makes me laugh sometimes”.  It’s like people don’t even realize words hurt.  And don’t even get me started on the sloppy, imprecise use of language.  It’s like those assholes who declare things as “great” or “epic” and then later you realize they meant, “Ok” or “passable”.  So what I am saying is I can understand how a stand up might flinch at hearing Kate Upton is “funny”.  And pretty people do get a little boost to basically every thing because we are deeply shallow creatures.  Trust me, I would love to pass through the world not this gorgeous but I can’t help it, I know it gets me a little boost in everyone’s eyes.  But, while I don’t think Kate Upton could do stand up I also see how hanging out with her would be fun cause she’s kind of fun and kind of funny.  Like that poor bastard my friends over sold.  He could be fun if they hadn’t ruined him.  Not funniest guy ever fun but fun.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Anyway, I feel like I had a greater point here but I lost it.  I guess what i am saying is I like Kate Upton and am posting her today.  I appreciate the links to youtube videos and so on but I think I am interested in different things than most people, but it’s ok, we have all arrived at the same conclusion, we’ve just taken different roads.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Hey guys, my friend @she-goes-to-eleven has gotten hurt.  She can’t even look at screens right now due to a concussion.  It happened while ice skating because of course it did, she’s Canadian and if you don’t own a snowmobile I assume that’s the only way you can get anywhere.  I don’t have more details than that but I assume it was during a polar bear attack she hit her head.  I assume this because if it had been a Wendigo attack she would be in even worse shape, because even Wolverine has a hard time with the Wendigo. That’s all I know though because my entire knowledge of Canada comes from X-Men comics and Strange Brew.  But, my thought was that if you are reading this it takes almost no effort for you to send her a message wishing her a speedy recovery and I guess my goal is that her inbox will be flooded with well wishes when the doctors ok her to look at screens again.  Now, I am posting Kate Upton cause Kate Upton is hot and I’d like to say that it’s a good fit because @she-goes-to-eleven likes Kate Upton but really I could have posted literally anyone, as I don’t think she’s ever seen a woman she wasn’t attracted to.  And besides, there is no dangerous ice or ridiculous cold in these pictures. They look nice and toasty.  Like, none of that wind that cuts through you or is hard enough that it feels like your car is going to be blown off the road when you drive.  Plus I mean… boobs.  I like boobs sometimes.  Sometimes.  When I am awake mostly.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

I can’t believe I am posting Kate Upton for the third time in 8 days.  I mean, I am sure some of you can believe it cause I have that reputation but it’s not 2012 anymore.  It is like a trip backwards in time.  Whatever is going on I am glad because she has looked great recently and more importantly she’s back to showing up all the time.  This is a good thing.  It wasn’t like I stopped posting her cause I was mad, she just showed up less often because she showed up less often everywhere.  So it’s only a good thing, even if it’ll just be for the next week or so, that she is suddenly popping up constantly for me.  I give it my thumbs up.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.