Tag: video games

Because I have my finger on the pulse of what is hip and cool and I live on the bleeding edge of cool I spent this week playing Tomb Raider. No, not the one that came out this week, the one before that that came out in 2015. I just got around to it. Probably as a result of all the commercials for the new one. Anyway, among my many super cool traits that have always made me the apotheosis of cool is my intense attraction to a couple of video game characters, in this case Lara Croft. I mean, so was the rest of the world in the 90’s but it is the reboot that really brought me on board. I mean, yeah, they did a good job of making her beautiful but I have really enjoyed her character arc. I quite enjoyed where she started and look forward to where she is going but man, she could be in a better spot for the middle chapter of this story. But that’s kind of why I dig it, they have made her so human. She still has her heroic tenancies and will do the right thing but seems thus far kind of blind to the consequences of her actions. Like, I am not an expert in archeology but I bet that most digs don’t lead to thousands of deaths. I could be wrong. Maybe I am wrong. Because I knew one guy once who was an archeology major and he never mentioned any classes in murder, so I just assume it’s not part of the curriculum but Lara Croft was either born with the ability to creatively break a man’s neck or someone taught her that. I guess I could be showing my ignorance here, I have no idea what is standard in an English education. Maybe “Stealth Kills” is an elective UK kids take when they’re 13. It’s like Home Ec, Shop, or how to fashion your own weapons at a campfire and silently kill a man with them. It doesn’t seem like a very British thing to me but those sneaky Brits hide a lot from us, Celebrity Juice doesn’t seem very British either but someone over there is watching it because it’s been on for like 100 years is my understanding. Anyway, my point is that Lara’s true calling is unstoppable murderer and I saw criticism back when the game came out that the game didn’t address it. She was torn apart by killing in the first game and seems mostly ok with it here. I would say it’s character growth that does it. Or maybe part of her fall. Either way it seems like a natural progression as she advances as a person but fails to see all the consequences of her action. Which makes me excited for the next game but also I think is why I am into her. It’s the reason I think so many people get crushes on fictional characters. Because we know them better than real people. I spent like 16 hours with Lara Croft and know her very well. And she’s well fleshed out. So she’s interesting. Also she can jump from platforms and use a bow and arrow to shoot out a rope to swing across a chasm and then use an ax to climb a rock face. She’s a badass. Who wouldn’t be attracted to that? Today I want to fuck Lara Croft.

So if you think it’s stupid when I post fictional characters here is like the dumbest one yet. AJ Mason is a character in Friday the 13th the Game. Which you might note is a thematic pick today. The game has it’s flaws but what it does very, very well is make it feel like you are in Friday the 13th. It definitely got the tone and feel very right. I will likely be playing tonight. So why AJ? Well, there is an interesting thing here about Archetypes. We don’t know much about the councilors in the game but they all feel very familiar. This is because they are all a type that was very popular in 80’s slashers, especially the Friday the 13th franchise. AJ is the rocker/punk girl who appears not in every slasher but in enough. I have always found her strangely attractive. And I know why. I found the girls who were those types attractive in the movies as a kid too. They were what I was drawn to. She most closely resembles Violet, who I thought was hot. But on the punk end of the spectrum I loved Trash in Return of the Living Dead. And Later in the Friday the 13th series I really thought JJ was hot and it was a shame she dies first. I would complain she didn’t even get to make it to Manhattan but hey, the movie barely got there, it would only be worse if no one was killed for the first 80 minutes. Anyway, I am posting AJ Mason because I enjoy the game, I wanted to finally get a real Friday the 13th post, and I am some weirdo who posts video game characters. Today I want to fuck AJ Mason.

Morrigan is a really kind of unique in that I think she might be the first video game character I remember who was also kind of a sex symbol.  I mean, not a universal one.  I don’t think that my parents would have seen her as such (I don’t know, I didn’t ask.  I can’t say that I want to have that conversation so we’ll leave that a mystery) but I mean that like, maybe she was the first video game character people felt comfortable talking about in such terms.  Too comfortable if you ask me since in college there was this guy who lived in the next dorm who had this giant Cloth Scroll of a nearly naked Morrigan in a sexy pose right over his bed and I think everyone but him thought it was pretty off putting.  I would say I am not here to judge but even now, all these years later, I’m pretty clearly judging him.  Anyway, my point is that it wasn’t the first time someone was like, “Hey, that video game character is kind of hot,” but it seemed to be the first time a large number of people seemed comfortable in admitting it.  And then came Lara Croft a few years later and while certainly plenty of people probably thought people were weird for thinking she was hot, there was a sort of a resignation that people were going to think so.  So I guess Morrigan is important.  In a way.  I feel like she was designed for that.  I knew what a Succubus was in 1994.  I assume many people did and if they didn’t before the game came out they certainly did afterwards.  There is a reason that little bit of supernatural lore always seems to seep into nerd culture and it’s because it’s pretty much an excuse to talk about spooky stuff but really just feed blatant male fantasy (and female fantasy.  I want to be fair here.  I am well aware that @pigeonfoo will like this post if she sees it).  I never really liked Darkstalkers though cause I didn’t think it was a very good game and the truth is I always sucked at fighting games.  So I didn’t like the series and it wasn’t a thing I thought about much but even I recognized that yes, Morrigan was hot and also she had just a great costume.  It’s top notch.  I still suck at fighting games but all the Capcom Vs. stuff has appealed to me because Superheroes.  And crossovers.  And I just bought Marvel vs. Capcom Infinite and man, this game is great.  It is just exactly the sort of silly stupidness I want from a crossover.  The story mode is pretty much perfect.  And Morrigan showed up and you know what, she’s pretty hot.  And also I love her dedication to being who she is. World ending?  Guy with a flaming skull for a head shows up and only talks about vengeance?  That’s no reason to not try to seduce him.  You have to respect someone so wholly herself that she won’t let circumstances change it. So here she is, not surprisingly at all clothed pictures were harder to find than not clothed ones of a video game character, here is what I have.  Today I want to fuck Morrigan Aensland.

I was thinking about Princess Peach last night because I was playing Mario Kart.  This is because of course, I rule at Saturday Nights.  Don’t try to live my lifestyle, kids, it’s too fast for most people, you wouldn’t be able to keep up with the pace, I’ve seen it destroy many a life.  Anyway, I was playing Mario Kart (and aside does anyone else have a WiiU?  I know people are down on it and all but i love mine because I got it to play Mario games and I get to play Mario games.  Hit me up if you want to play Mario Kart) and I was thinking about how complex these tracks are.  Then I was thinking about how unappreciated Princess Peach is.  Not by me, I always play as her because she’s great.  She can float in 3-D World and she has the prettiest outfit in Mario Kart.  And she can float in Smash Bros. too.  I just mean in general.  She pretty clearly is running the Mushroom Kingdom despite the fact that if she was the actual ruler of the Kingdom she would be Queen Peach, not Princess Peach.  It’s a kingdom, not a principality.  That means there is a deadbeat Dad out there making her do all of the work.  On top of that, this place is just bananas.  I don’t know how she holds it together given the incredibly stupid infrastructure spending going on.  Seriously, think about it: Kart tracks, Tennis Courts, Baseball Stadiums, Golf Course, entire Olympic facilities (though in fairness Sonic might host some of those).  Now, I guess Peach could be to blame for this or it could be her worthless Dad.  I am not sure who to blame but either way Peach is a genius.  I say this because I have seen nothing that looks like a modern economy in the Mushroom Kingdom.  At best you have merchants in little mushroom houses that give away one of three items.  That’s not much of a tax base.  And sure, really this is a Kingdom that could bulk up it’s defense budget because Bowser is attacking like every other day and they aren’t very good at stopping him.  But maybe they don’t have to be.  A single plumber always beats him.  That’s some clever budgeting and she is getting the money for all this other crap somewhere.  I don’t know, it went off the rails.  It’s like 2 AM or something.  The point is Peach is great and a little under appreciated.  I think.  I feel like a lot of this didn’t make sense looking back at it.  Oh right, Coins!  Coins!  It all makes sense if you think about the tremendous amount of gold Mario picks up every time out.  Like, just amazing amounts of gold.  Peach is setting herself up as the main driving force of the Mushroom Economy.  Don’t make things too hard for Bowser, he can kidnap her, Mario comes and rescues her.  No one to help Mario, certainly no plane or car or anything, so he has to take some long 8 world route to get there, gather a fortune in gold, rescue Peach and suddenly she has the funding for a new Battle Arena or Rhythmic Gymnastics Stadium.  It’s brilliant! Today I want to fuck Princess Peach.

Sometimes my brain doesn’t make a lot of sense.  Why am I thinking about
Street Fighter characters?  I have no clue.  But I guess I am because I
put in the monumental effort it takes to find decent but non porn
pictures of Chun Li.  And as I am typing this I am wondering why that is
so important, that I get decent looking ones.  Because when I was a kid
and I thought Chun Li was crazy hot she looked like this. 

Which probably doesn’t really count as detailed or high definition or what most people would call hot.  Though I was hardly alone, lots of people thought she was hot when I was in Junior High.  Lonely people are what we call them.. I joke but I dunno, it always strikes me as strange but not strange.  Like on one hand it’s a little odd to be attracted to 0s and 1s and squiggles on paper but on the other hand it’s not a new thing.  It’s kind of been a thing through out human history and I understand making a connection with something you enjoy.  Or… I dunno man, I am posting Chun Li cause I had a crush on her as a kid and I still think she’s attractive sometimes.  Today I want to fuck Chun Li Xiang.

The new Dragon Age is out and I am very excited.  Excited enough that I am already trying to figure out how to get out of work early (bomb threat?  Bad foot?  Lick random things until someone asks me to leave? So many options! I can’t wait).  I loved the first game and one of the things that was so exciting is it felt so much like the RPGs I loved as a kid, the ones that were on PC but also like a modern game.  It felt pretty much exactly like what I had always wanted and didn’t even realize.  It was great.  My favorite character in that game was Morrigan (sorry people who maybe saw the tag and were excited for a second, I know there is a more popular video game Morrigan.  Maybe some day for her).  I played lots of ways through and when she could be she was my romance option.  When she couldn’t we were best friends. I understand Leliana was the far, far more popular option.  People told me that Morrigna was evil (or a bitch) but I think this is a basic misunderstanding of a woman as a badass.  We see it so rarely I can understand  how you’d be confused, she was simply assertive and intelligent.  She was fucking awesome.  Powerful rebel witch from the swamp who won’t kowtow to anyone and doesn’t take your bullshit?  Great.  Leliana was cool and all but Morrigan was amazing.  She’s got some role in the new game I hear, though I have gladly avoided most news.  I am excited and today I want to fuck Morrigan.

This is the fifth time I have posted Lara Croft which surprises me a little bit because I never considered myself a huge Lara Croft fan.  I didn’t really like the Tomb Raider games that much and… I dunno, I know she had a huge fan base from like day one but I wasn’t really that into her.  I guess when the reboot came out I became a convert though, I really liked the game and I truly loved the character.  None of that explains why she is here except for some reason she popped into my head.  I have posted her way more than any other fictional character.  Again that surprises me.  I guess they just nailed the combination of bad ass and remarkably human at the same time so well she has become and evergreen crush. Well, whatever the reason, she is pretty awesome and so today I want to fuck Lara Croft.

I watched this show called How Video Games Changed the World because of a friend.  It wasn’t exactly recommended to me, as much as she just said that she watched it and thought of me because Chun Li was in it and so it sounded interesting enough in concept that I wanted to check it out.  It was cool.  Chun Li was in it.  I would say I am surprised Chun Li has shown up more time than any other fictional character has but I’d be lying, those teenage crushes run deep and unlike me she doesn’t age.   Anyway, she is here because I have been attracted to her since I first started playing Street Fighter II.  Fun fact, I was horrible at Street Fighter II.  I lost a lot.  Speaking of a lot, there is a lot of Chun Li nudity in the Chun Li tag, here are the least porny pics I could find.  They’re pretty good I guess.  It’s late, I can’t sleep, today I want to fuck Chun Li Xiang.

I know I just posted Lara Croft.  I know this.  But I have an F12 key and screen shots are easy and really she’s just awesome. Besides, this is basically what I thought was going to happen when I started this blog.  I don’t mean posting Lara Croft.  I mean I know I tend to get really obsessed for a bit and then it goes away.  I kind of expected there to be a lot of weeks where the same person makes a few appearances.  That hasn’t really happened like I thought but I do know I can dwell.  And Lara is crushable.  It’s probably strange to have a crush on a make believe character but let’s be honest, a lot of the celebrities we like are because of the characters they play, not really the celebrity.  Besides, she’s like a hot nerd in the new game.  Wise Cracking girl with a gun is gone replaced by a nerd who gets really excited talking about ancient Japanese artifacts and just happens to also be able to kick ass.  It’s attractive.  She’s attractive.  It’s late, I stayed up too late playing Tomb Raider.  I almost said playing with Lara.  I wish.  Because today I want to fuck Lara Croft.

I didn’t think Lara Croft would be showing up again.  At least not anytime soon.  But you know, steam sale, cheap copy of Tomb Raider and… I am full on crush.  I am not sure why this version of the character has resonated so much when past ones did not.  The boobs might help.  Or might be representative of why.  Lara is hardly small chested now but more realistically proportioned and so is everything else about her.  She feels more like a living and breathing character.  I won’t really address if she is now a feminist icon or eye candy designed to attract boys, mainly because I don’t think it’s a binary formula, she can have feminist elements and still be designed as eye candy.  She can fall somewhere along the spectrum, there is work to do but that doesn’t mean no work has already been done.  I will say this, I realized this time through not only do I identify with her as I played her (despite some representatives backwards ideas) she comes across as a genuine hero.  If I were in trouble I would want to be saved by Lara Croft.  And that is… not a neat trick but it almost feels like it.  A refreshing point to get, a game where she is defined by heroics, wants and desires rather than by her relationship to a man.  There isn’t a romantic relationship at all, really. It’s pretty great.  She is pretty great.  So here is where I objectify her… today I want to fuck Lara Croft.