Tag: whoiwanttofucktoday

When is the New Warriors show with Squirrel Girl in it finally coming out? It feels like it’s been approximately 300 years since it was announced and it’s still not here. I have this vested interest in Milana Vayntrub finally being in a thing people see other than AT&T commercials because maybe she’ll be a huge star and we’ll regularly get pictures of Milana Vayntrub and she’ll be in a lot of other stuff. It would be a win win because she is fun to look at and she is really funny. So you know, a feast for the eyeballs and funnybone. Now, I realize that is a really ridiculous expectations for a superhero show that probably won’t be that popular but you know, I can hope. Either way it needs to get here because I am basically tapped out of decent Milana pictures. Selfishly motivated? Sure. But you know, Bernard de Mandeville would have my back on this one, my selfish interests are what drive society forward and to a better place. What I am saying is you’re welcome guys. Today I want to fuck Milana Vayntrub.

Over the course of this blog I have documented pretty thoroughly Candice Swanepoel’s clear obsession with me. You can click on the tag and go back if you’d like but the basic over view is she has always been way into me, sending me invitations to Victoria’s Secret stores in the mail, sending me huge glossy print pictures of her in her underwear and then going to the extra step to assemble an entire catalog around it so she could act casual like she wasn’t doing it just for me. Since then she has moved on to playing hard to get in the hopes of getting my attention. It’s pretty text book, date the same guy for 10 years, have a kid, get pregnant with a second child (which as always I sneakily snuck in a secret picture where she is pregnant. Don’t feel bad if you can’t figure out which one, as always it’s only for the most eagle eyed reader but if you are bored it’s a fun game to see if you can figure out which one). It’s all pretty text book stuff really. Now she has moved on to the next step which is a few times I have referred to her as Candy and more than one person has told me they like it when I call her candy. I have been told it’s cute and I have been told for some reason people just like it. Very clever. This one really took me by surprise and I am still figuring out the logistics of what is going on. Either Candice Swanepoel has influenced my friends to the point where they now ship the pair of us or it turns out this entire time some of my dearest friends have been sock puppets of Candice Swanepoel. And given we are talking in some cases about people I have met in real life built very complex lifelike robots to complete the illusion. I am leaning more towards the fan fiction route but Candice has been pregnant a lot lately, meaning she hasn’t been modeling, so she’s had time on her hands. Maybe she’s secretly developed an expertise in robotics? Some people would think that stretches credulity but let’s be honest, it’s no less believable than the idea that a human being could look as good in a bikini as she does. So… I am torn. Either way, well done, Candy, I can’t say you aren’t trying. Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

Here is Kathryn Newton, who I was going to say is a blast from the past but then I realized I dunno if I ever posted her. It turns out I have not. Which isn’t stunning but I couldn’t be sure because I must have thought about it before. I thought about it last week as I binged a bunch of Supernatural to catch up to the Scooby Doo episode. She is one half of the internet’s dream spin off where it would basically be Supernatural but you know, with girls. Which sounds reductive but for a show that has had a problem keeping women alive it would be refreshing to see the reverse. Anyway, she has never sown up but was in a photoshoot this week so here she is. She should show up at some point. Anytime someone like this shows up in a photoshoot though I find myself wondering just what is going on. Is there something to promote? Is it just some strange one off? I can’t find anything to let me know. That’s ok, people want her in a Supernatural spinoff, mysteries are fun. Today I want to fuck Kathryn Newton.

Here is Rihanna because Rihanna is one of those people who can look good in anything. It’s just a big part of her thing. She is beautiful and always looks good. So there was a launch for some of her beauty stuff and she showed up and it was like, oh right, Rihanna looks amazing because she’s Rihanna. I am amazed at how good some of what she wears looks and yet I don’t think anyone else could pull it off. This isn’t she looks so good she transcends an ugly dress or something. It legitimately is gorgeous stuff, it’s just stuff that somehow I don’t think anyone else could pull off. It would look wrong on everyone else in the world. That’s an impressive feat for her. Also, terrible for Goodwill. Just saying. I have never seen her wear the same thing twice so I am just imagining it in some goodwill store and everyone looks at it and goes, “Wow, that’s amazing but… no, I can’t pull it off”. Today I want to fuck Rihanna.

Chloe Moretz did a photoshoot for…. someone. I should really start writing this down because by the time I am ready to post I can never remember. It was a clothing thing. Except in my brain it was for shoes. So maybe it’s a shoe company? That was my feeling. But I don’t know. Which means one of two things. I am very wrong and talking out my ass or whoever it was I know they are a shoe designer somewhere in the back of my mind. This is a mystery that could be solved with Google but I am in a rush. My point is Chloe Moretz looked great. Because she almost always does in photoshoots. So today I want to fuck Chloe Moretz.

Dove Cameron is one of those people who comes out of that massive child entertainment machine that means I knew the name, I recognize the face, and my brain registers “famous” with both but I could not have told you what she was in or matched the face to the name. That was true for years. And this is not a commentary on her being bland or anything like that but more the fact that Disney is so good at marketing that you learn about what it is selling almost through osmosis. Why do I know her name? I have no idea. Why did I know that face? I have no idea. I just did. I knew my buddy @femalecelebrityoftheday liked her and agreed she was pretty when he posted her but apparently the next day it all blurred together again. So it’s almost embarrassing that she showed up on Agents of Shield… at some point. That also blurs together because I never watch anything in a timely manner anymore. Anyway, she showed up and my response was, that girl is hot, who is she? Well, it was Dove Cameron. Surprise? Kinda. It seems odd for a Disney star that I know almost nothing about but have ideas as to what that entails would have a dramatic role as the badass villain on a Marvel show. Or maybe that makes sense and I am just an idiot. Whatever. My point is she looked really good and continues to look really good and I like evil women a little bit I think? So today I want to fuck Dove Cameron.

So last week pictures of Kelly Brook in lingerie started to show up online but the internet seemed mostly unsure as to why. And I get it, you don’t want to look gift boobs in the mouth or anything but you become curious if there is a reason or if there is more coming or whatever. Well, it turns out it’s because Kelly Brook is going to be a judge for a boob contest. Which, you know, is good work if you can get it I suppose. Or maybe not. I think it would stress me the fuck out to be honest. I don’t think I’d make a good judge for anything because I’d feel really shitty seeing a lot of people put an effort into something and having to tell most of those people their thing I like isn’t good enough. It seems doubly uncomfortable telling a bunch of women their boobs are nice but not blue ribbon boobs. I would feel bad for weeks and probably would try to reach out and tell people I still like their boobs and I am sorry and let’s be honest, that would be way, way worse. There are no winners there except the people who get paid to file the sexual harassment claims against me. So Kelly Brook is better suited. I mean, she’s had boobs for at least 20 years at this point so I guess she knows? I am a little distrustful because the whole thing is run by The Sun and is being touted as a bit of body positivity for women but my research has shown that many sources consider The Sun to be “the worst”. Some disagree but it seems to be mainly because of where they rank the Daily Mail. I am not a British Newspaper expert, though honestly am finding it’s much easier to smugly judge them as opposed to boobs, but there is a question of source and motivation. One person’s exercise in positivity is another’s cynical attempt to objectify and sell papers. So I don’t have an answer about the contest other than I can’t imagine thinking about it again after today because it feels slightly icky at best. But hey, Kelly Brook pictures, so I guess I will take that as a positive. I don’t want to look a gift boob in the mouth. Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

Here’s Miss Mosh cause… I dunno, cause it’s Monday? Is that a valid reason? I am maybe not entirely inspired today, I just think she’s really good looking and wanted to post her. That happens sometimes so enjoy. Today I want to fuck Miss Mosh.

Happy Easter everyone! I uh… hope it’s full of bunnirific goodness? Sure, that works. Anyway, be you religious and see this day about salvation and resurrection or if you see it as a the continuation of a long of Spring festivals that are about fertility and rebirth there is one thing we can all agree on, it’s that Easter is mainly about bikinis. I think it was Zeno of Citium who said, “Easter is basically about bikinis”. I think. So we’re all agreed and yesterday there were new pictures of Emily Ratajkowski’s swimwear line, so I guess she’s excited for Easter, too. So here she is. Hope you guys all have a good day. Today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

This is one of the hardest posts I’ve ever done. Which sounds like I am about to drop some heavy shit on you but literally it is almost impossible to find pictures of Daphne Blake on the internet that isn’t porn. Which also sounds like the start of some sort one’s ‘edgy’ fan fiction about the fall of the Scooby Gang but is actually the reality of the internet and fictional characters but somehow especially true for Daphne. There is probably a whole lot I could unpack about why she specifically runs into this (and my ideas range from Hanna-Barbera having notoriously terrible animation and art to her original role on the show simply being the pretty girl which in our culture equates to eye candy and rectification) but I don’t think I’ll do that. Cause it sounds like real effort and I am lazy. Besides, this post is about how great Scooby Doo is. I have posted Daphne once before and to be entirely honest almost posted her a few times in the intervening years but gave up each time due to lack of pictures. But I watched Scoobynatural last night before bed. Which if you don’t know is the Scooby Doo and Supernatural cross over. Which kind of makes sense. I had fallen behind on Supernatural (and spend the last two weeks catching up so I could watch this episode because I am a moron) but when I originally watched it it was at the end of the first season. On the internet someone made a comment about how they would watch a Scooby Doo show meant for adults. Someone commented, “Isn’t that what Supernatural already is?” So I immediately looked up the show because you might not know this but I love Scooby Doo. I don’t know why but given my love of horror and so on I feel like there is a through line there to my current interests. I guess some thins are just always there. And like a large portion of my generation apparently, I always though Daphne Blake was really hot. Always. And I feel like some of my other likes as an adult can maybe be traced back that far as well but then it scares me so I won’t pull that thread. My point is, in the episode, which I thought was a lot of fun, Dean is way into Daphne and deeply loves Scooby and the entire game. I related a lot. Plus, Daphne had maybe my favorite moment when the realization that Ghosts are real sends her into an existential crisis about what it means about the afterlife and where she might end up. So why not post her. I mean, I actually found a few pictures this time and it was fun and while we’re at it we did eventually get Scooby Doo for adults in my opinion, it was Mystery Inc. It ruled. Today I want to fuck Daphne Blake.