This is Darya Klishina who, until proven otherwise, I am just going to assume is a spy out to bring down Western Civilization.  The Cold War is back for this Olympics and I couldn’t be more excited.  It’s just nice to have a villain and this time without all the (ok, as much) repression of people in Eastern Europe by their corrupt governments.  I can’t pinpoint the exact point it happened but I just know at some point Vladimir Putin wanted Moose and Squirrel so badly that he put the full weight of his corrupt plutocratic kleptocracy behind injecting his athletes with whatever they had lying around in syringes in mothballed KGB secret super soldier facilities.  The result is that a lot of people, especially Americans took umbrage with this because as an American I can tell you we believe in the individual versus the collective.  It’s the basic divide between Eastern and Western philosophy. So basically, as Americans, we feel like if you’re going to cheat you should cheat for yourself.  This thing where there is state sponsored cheating, that’s no good.  You should win on the merits of your own cheating because that’s what the Olympics is about.  Anyway, the result is the entire Russian Track and Field team was banned from the Olympics except for Darya here.  And then before the weekend they decided she was banned because a urine sample of hers from a few years ago had suspicious scratch marks.  Then yesterday she was reinstated by the appeals process.  She jumps tonight.  Long jump, sorry, if you don’t know.  I happen to find her quite attractive in that way I find pure evil attractive.  Now, she may be a very nice person but again, I can only assume at some point tonight she will complete a jump that will put a competitor in a coma, at which point she will comment, “If she dies she dies”.  Because I saw a documentary about boxing in the 80’s and that’s what Russians say.  Anyway, she is very hot and I am glad she is getting to compete cause like… the cheating stuff kinda sucks, I am tired of not being sure if I can trust my sports, but it would really suck to be yanked off the Olympics at the 11th hour.  Even if she is pure, red evil.  Today I want to fuck Darya Klishina.