Category: Uncategorized

It’s pretty well documented if you check the Candice Swanepoel tag on my blog here that she is obsessed with me.  I mean, she is constantly sending me emails with picture of her in her underwear.  Little card in the mail with picture of her telling me I am invited to some sort of special store event.  A whole book of girls in their underwear which she calls a “catalog”.  Also, clearly just a way to tell someone you’re into them without doing it.  I have done the same.  You know, you mention to a girl in passing that she is pretty but couch it in another statement.  Let her know without coming out and saying it.  Because you’re a coward.  Basically that was junior high for me.  Anyway, it’s well documented as medical fact (disclaimer: I am not a doctor but I have two grandparents are so the laws of genetics mean I am half doctor, thus I can proclaim things medical fact.  Thomas Jefferson wrote it in the Declaration of independence,). It can’t be argued.  I mean you can but I’ll just lose your ask or whatever and stick my fingers in my ears.  Anyway, I am not hear to convince you she’s obsessed with me, I am here to point out her tactics seem to be working.  Cause I have posted her a lot  But also the holidays were pretty slow for pictures except for a few people.  Candice was one of those few people who kept the greatness coming.  I am willing to declare she won the holiday season.  I mean, look at her.  Amazing.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

Guys, I am in love with Agent Carter.  The Show.  The Character.  The everything.  I didn’t get to watch it the night it was n cause I am old and recorded it and went to bed but man it is so for me.  All of it.  It makes so much sense I would love Hayley Atwell in this because like… ok, first of all I was always a huge Sharon Carter fan and you know the old saying, if you like a girl wait until you see her secret agent aunt from World War II!  We all know that saying, right?  But I mean it’s set in the past so we get the cool period dress, it’s about comics, it is about a woman who is a secret agent in the Marvel Universe so that’s almost a super hero, and of course she’s British.  So it’s my catnip.  So I kinda knew going in the I was probably going to post Hayley Atwell.  And I am!  Because guys she is fantastic and charming and a badass and man I just want to see her punch 1940’s misogynists in the face and save the world.  I could seriously just watch that all day.  Man I want to see her punch some of those dudes in the face.  You have no idea!  Also she is really hot.  That’s a nice little side effect.  Today I want to fuck Hayley Atwell.

Behold the astoundingness that is Ophelia Overdose.  I feel like I have gone into great detail before about how astounded I am by her work as an artist.  The things she designs are amazing.  The pictures she is part of are amazing.  She is amazing and versatile and just impressive.  I look at a lot of picture of models.  Don’t call me a hero, I am willing to put the work in so you don’t have to.  I look at a lot of these pictures and there is definitely a skill gap between the best and the rest.  This isn’t surprising because that’s how every profession in the world works, some people are just more talented than the rest.  We are lucky to have them around to inspire us.  Anyway, I look at a lot and you also start to notice that some people have things they are better at than others and I will say now one seems to be part of such overall beautiful composition as Ophelia Overdose. Now, I am not an art critic or a model, I am just someone with a blog but I feel like it’s a skill that has to be remarked on, it can’t just be coincidence that her pictures are so often just gorgeous and a step above what I usually see.  It can’t be.  And that isn’t even talking about all the effort that goes in anyway with hair, make up, outfits and so on that she often has a hand in.  I guess what I am just saying is that Ophelia Overdose is incredibly impressive and I am perpetually blown away by her.  I haven’t posted her in a while and it’s because there have been a few times I started to, realized I didn’t have the words to adequately say what needed to be said, walked away and… it got lost.  I doubt she’s broken up about it.  She is incredibly talented though and today I want to fuck Ophelia Overdose.

Here is Alexis Ren because Alexis Ren is pretty.  Sometimes I just say that.  This person is here because they are pretty.  I could claim that is a basic distillation of the reason for everyone but the truth is usually I am just feeling uncreative and can’t think of anything today.  Like today I am a little stressed, lots of important work stuff to focus on mixed in with thoroughly unimportant work stuff that I still have to do and is a waste of time.  So it doesn’t get my all.  But there is also the fact that it’s just the truth, Alexis Ren stands out by being kind of… casually pretty?  Effortlessly pretty?  It’s hard to quite come up with the correct label but she is not just pretty, she is the kind of pretty that captures something.  Warmth, sunny days, the beach?  I don’t know, it definitely is something.  Which I guess is really her job as a model, not just to look pretty but to somehow give a feel of a place and time.  She’s not selling jean shorts.  No one is selling jean shorts.  They’re selling the idea of jean shorts.  The idea that life could be this good if you owned these jean shorts.  Or you know, other articles of clothing.  That’s just an example.  My point is she’s good at it cause I can get the feeling from her work like yeah, there is something magic here.  If I owned that bottle of water… but I am rambling and I have shit to do.  Alexis Ren is really pretty.  Today I want to fuck Alexis Ren.

Man, guys, Ksenia Solo.  It’s like I am discovering her for the first time all over again.  Except I was for real prepared for her to be flat out amazing and awesome and gorgeous.  I had just forgotten how much.  She’s one of those people who is so casually funny on line readings that I am convinced I she could crack me up reading the phone book.  She is just amazing and now that I am back to watching Lost Girl I am just completely into her again and running into the problem where girls on little watched Canadian TV shows just don’t show up in a ton of pictures.  Stupid laws of supply and demand.  Today I want to fuck Ksenia Solo.

Victoria Justice is strange.  I don’t mean as a person or whatever, I don’t actually know, I just mean like… she has excellent cheek bones, right?  Everything is in the right place, she is a very, very pretty girl.  I remember the first time I saw her my thought was, “Wow, who is that” and I also assumed she was almost 10 years older than she was because she just looked older, more mature.  So she is very pretty but also kind of boring.  Maybe that isn’t right either, again I don’t know her and that seems mean but she’s like, so pretty that rarely does she evoke a strong reaction in me.  It’s almost like a painting or something.  She pops up on the internet constant because, well, she’s very pretty so people want to take pictures of her.  But I very rarely find myself thinking about her once those pictures are out of view, it isn’t like she sticks with me in anyway.  Which is odd.  Then sometimes like today I look at her more closely again and it’s like, oh yeah, she’s really beautiful.  Like really pretty. I don’t know, it’s a strange thing of the brain I guess.  She is gorgeous and today I want to fuck Victoria Justice.

Nicki Minaj has been going through a somewhat public break up over the last month or so and it makes me feel bad for her.  I mean… I feel bad for anyone in that situation because it sucks.  I guess it stands out with her because the pop landscape has been dominated by cartoonish excess for a long time now, a lot of over the top ridiculousness.  Over the top ridiculousness that I enjoy actually but it does not lead to a lot of human moments, so when one sneaks in it catches my attention.  And I feel for her not because I think she’s going to have trouble finding a new boyfriend or anything but because break ups are terrible, especially of really long term relationships.  They are one of those minor human tragedies that are so unfortunately common I think we often lose our empathy and forget how tragic it is.  Even though we’ve all been through it.  Most of us at least.  I know I know what it’s like to have my heart ripped out, it’s terrible, it’s cruel because your mind and body rebel against the situation from all angles.  You fall in love together, you spend so much time together, but then you fall out of love so desperately alone and isolated.  The person you were most likely to turn to for comfort is the one you can’t.  You can’t be together because it’s miserable but it’s miserable to be apart.  This sort of conflicting reality is tragic but we forget it because it is also common.  So I have been thinking about that in general.  I always try to be empathetic because I feel like there is a lack of empathy in the world.  So when someone, celebrity or not, posts about needing a hug, I feel it and I feel for them.  So I guess that’s why Nicki Minaj is here today because sure she’s very attractive but the human vulnerability is what is really making me think about her.  Of course, these sorts of posts always make it so awkward when I end by saying today I want to fuck Nicki Minaj.

Last night I was talking to my friend whole-lies-and-half-smiles about how we are both more than willing to lie to each other, betray each other, and sabotage each other for a chance with Anna Kendrick.  This is what a strong friendship is built upon, honesty about your willing to outright and lie and destroy each other.  That and a common acknowledgement that Anna Kendrick is fucking awesome.  She is awesome guys.  I mean she’s pretty, she’s smart, she’s talented, she’s funny, she can turn friend on friend and I assume brother on brother.  I guess that last part is not such a huge positive but I am not sure she can help it so you’d have to be a dick to hold it against her.  Anyway, she is awesome.  If you agree we should be friends.  If you also like Orange Soda and snowball fights we should be best friends.  My inbox is open.  Today I want to fuck Anna Kendrick.

Happy New Years everyone.  I hope you all had a good night.  On account of being old I basically did nothing because it just holds no appeal to me.  Honestly, it never held a lot of appeal, it’s a party holiday and my platonic ideal for the perfect night would involve a handful of people and good conversation, I find crowded bars and crowded houses are the antithesis of that.  So I skipped out this year and watched a little TV and then fell asleep at about 11:40.  Because I am old.  But I hope all of you had fun!  I figured Taylor Swift being shower in confetti was an appropriately festive picture for today.  Well, that and just her on stage for stuff.  There are only so many confetti pictures out there, I am not a machine.  Here is to a good 2015 though, may it be as good of a year as Taylor Swift had for herself in 2014, cause that turn around into America’s sweetheart was pretty monumental.  Like really, if we could all have half the year she had last year we’d be sitting pretty.  So good luck with that!  Today I want to fuck Taylor Swift.