Category: Uncategorized

It’s a strange sort of weekend where lots of things are trying to draw eyes and none of them are that major (I mean, the Super Bowl is major, the Super Bowl parties and awards are not).  And none of them seemed to quite get my attention this weekend, I am going a totally different way.  I am going to Aishwarya Rai.  It’s a little hard to believe that one of the first times I posted her there was a mild controversy about her appearance at Cannes post baby.  Not that I am was surprised people were criticizing a woman about her appearance and weight on the internet or that you know, they were saying things like ruined her body.  I wasn’t surprised by that, I guess that doesn’t make you a giant dick when it’s an Indian woman?  No, wait, that can’t be right.  Oh right, sorry, brain fart, I wasn’t surprised because the internet is full of giant dicks.  What makes it hard to believe is that she is now 43 year olds and some pictures from Femina Magazine hit the internet last week and holy fuck look at her.  It is hard to believe there was ever a point where a human being who looks like that was ever criticized for her appearance.  I mean… really, look at her.  She was once labeled the most beautiful woman in the world and it’s really not hard to see why.  Which, you know, at the end of the day is probably why sad little trolls attacked when they could because insecure people have a need to tear down anything beautiful in this world.  It’s because they can’t stand how ugly it makes their souls look.  Anyway, I don’t think that’ll be a problem here cause when I post people who aren’t from the English speaking world it gets very little attention.  Which is a shame cause again I would direct you to her face and how amazing it is.  She is gorgeous.  Today I want to fuck Aishwarya Rai.

Here is Alexis Ren mainly just cause she has shown up in a bunch of campaigns of late and I think she is doing excellent work.  I really like what I have seen and obviously she’s attractive and it’s just that simple.  Like, I don’t know that it is going to drive me to buy jewelry or make up but hey, you never know.  Maybe ColourPop will stick around in my head and I won’t even know why when I am buying stacks of lipstick in two months.  I am not saying Alexis Ren is part of a Capitalist conspiracy to send subliminal suggestions directly into my brain, I am just saying I am an easily influenced idiot.  I will watch the Superbowl and there will be 100 McDonald’s commercials and Monday I will be craving a Big Mac.  And all day Monday I will go, “That’s so strange, I don;’t even like McDonald’s, oh well, no reason to fight it”.  So, you know, if you see me wearing a bunch of rings soon you’ll know why.  Also, say hi, it’s creepy that you can see what I am wearing and I am unaware of it.  Today I want to fuck Alexis Ren.

Every year I try to watch all the major award contender films before the Oscars come around.  I like to have an informed opinion before I pronounce awards shows horse shit.  Usually in my experience there are one or two gems, a whole lot of prestige stuff that is by the numbers and nothing particularly special but is very awards baity and the sort of thing the Oscars will nominate (a few years ago and now I can’t remember who, but an actual Oscar winning director said that if the Academy was fair then the Conjuring would have been nominated for best director because it was the best directed film of the year.  But that isn’t the kind of movie that gets nominated).  Anyway, this is a long way of saying most years this leads to at least one Jessica Chastain performance and it isn’t an overstatement to say that is one of the highlights of each year.  Not because I am attracted to her but because even if the movie she is in is one of those by the numbers cut and paste December prestige films her performance is always among the best I will see that year.  I can think of a number of movies in the past couple of years that were just ok but had me transfixed because she is so remarkable.  So boy was I disappointed when I realized this morning I have no Chastain performance to look forward to.  She was really only in one movie this year that would be considered and it was a bit of a flop.  I will get to it eventually but I didn’t even know it had ever come out because it came and went that quickly.  I honestly feel robbed.  Now I am worried we won’t get a lot of Jessica Chastain on the red carpet because it occurs to me I haven’t seen a lot of Jessica Chastain on the red carpet yet this awards season and good God, it’s like 2017 is really just out to destroy every ounce of hope we have.  Well fuck you, I am posting her anyway.  And I’m going to watch Miss Sloane just to spite whatever malicious force has this year set up the way it is.  Because Jessica Chastain is wonderful and I love watching her work.  Today I want to fuck Jessica Chastain.

I kind of accidentally did a Janelle Monae double feature by watching Hidden Figures and Moonlight.  Moonlight is really more of a star turn for her but the better movie by far is Moonlight.  It’s a beautiful movie that is well acted and… well, it’s my favorite of the Oscars stuff I have seen thus far this year.  I found it sad and upsetting some fo the time and a friend asked me once why I would watch things that do that but I kind of feel like art is the best gateway to empathy.  It is good to have to see things through someone else’s eyes.  This movie was painfully empathetic and open-hearted even though the characters were not.  I am glad I saw it.  I am also kind of amazed that Janelle Monae did such a good job in each movie.  Not that it’s a knock but it wasn’t like she was playing similar characters, they were very different and she acquitted herself quite well.  I have heard people predict movie stardom for her from here out but when someone isn’t an actor and gets into acting even if they are good I expect their personality to be what carries them through.   You know, like a movie star. Our movie stars always are playing their movie star type.  So I was impressed. Of course, I have also heard theories that Janelle Monae is a robot engineered in a lab to be the perfect pop star and tweak all the right things for music snobs and critics and maybe that’s true too.  They just gave her the acting upgrade.  I mean, I am not saying that’s what has happened, I am just saying that it’s a lot of talent to stuff into a real, non robot person.  And she’s beautiful on top of all of that.  She’s probably a robot.  That’s what I am saying.  Possible she’s not but I’d buy it.  Honestly, maybe I am ok with robots taking over then, she seems pretty cool.  I’d be down.  Today I want to fuck Janelle Monae.

Hey everybody, it’s my dear friend Katherine’s birthday which is a really important day cause I am really glad she was born.  Now, she doesn’t have a tumblr (though she will read this) so I can’t link you a place and demand you send her birthday wishes but like.. mentally do so.  Maybe she’ll get them?  I mean, I’m kind of an expert on England because I real a lot of Captain Britain comics when I was a kid and I know it’s imbued with lots of fairy magic so it seems reasonable that maybe all people in England have magical powers?  Maybe it’s one of hers.  I mean, it would just make sense, British people are so emotive anyway, right?  That’s uh… well, I can’t figure out a way to make that sound even remotely accurate so here is Pixie Lott, who is magically beautiful and also her name is Pixie, which is kind of like a fairy but not really.  It’s all very confusing because of those Victorians and their need to tie everything together because they deeply wanted to believe that legends had some root in factual history.  Wow, this was in real danger of getting side tracked again because of my love of showing how smart I am folklore and history.  Anyway, I wouldn’t even know who Pixie Lott is if it were not for Katherine and both are among my favorite sort of thing, blonde British women with Birthdays in the past week.  So here is Pixie Lott and happy birthday Katherine.  Today I want to fuck Pixie Lott.

So Charli XCX did multiple live streams on Instagram yesterday and I might have snuck a peak at them here and there.  None of that would have gotten her here today though, just a coincidence that she was already on my mind and then today it turns out she did a photoshoot for Indie Magazine and that also hit yesterday.  I saw the pics first thing this morning.  A new photoshoot of Charli pretty much guarantees she’ll show up here.  Because I happen to be very attracted to Charli XCX.  And I liked it a lot but of course every picture in it that I liked I was like, “Boy, I am never going to be able to convince the haters because of this picture”.  Which is fine.  And probably why I like it, it continues to be her unique style and attitude.  And I am used to a lot of people being wrong.  I will deal.  Today I want to fuck Charli XCX.

The SAG Awards were last night and I didn’t watch them because I am a smug douche bag who doesn’t have cable.  I mean, whatever, it’s cool if you’re still paying for cable, I guess I just don’t really want to be a slave to my TV.  I have more exciting things to do, like sit around in my underwear and play games on my phone.  Anyway, the SAG Awards were last night and the first pictures I saw were of Ariel Winter in her gold gown and I was like, “That’ll probably win”.  I have seen a lot more since then and it’s still winning.  It won.  I am predictable and easy but I like shiny gowns and I liked her shiny gown.  So today I want to fuck Ariel Winter.

So the Winter X-Games are going on this weekend and I watched a bunch cause…. well, I really like most of the sports that happen in the Winter X-Games and I have become a fan of a few of the sports in particular.  So here is Silje Norendal who shows up here roughly once a year when she shows up at some major Snowboarding event that is actually televised.  She is one of the top at women’s Slopestyle in the world and that sort of thing always impresses me, even though she didn’t reach the podium yesterday.  It only takes one slip after all.  I am blown away by what they can do.  And in her case it helps that she is just ridiculously beautiful.  Every time she showed up on screen it was like, oh right, she is fucking amazing to look at.  Who looks like that?  In the freezing cold?  My face would be a mess.  Hers is a delight.  Today I want to fuck Silje Norendal.

So there was a Harper’s Bazaar event last night that was for the 150 best dressed Women.  Or most fashionable I guess.  Either way it was a brilliant idea and I am all about more events that are just about people dressing nicely.  I fully endorse this.  Of course, I almost feel guilty for picking Emily Ratajkowski because there were so many really nice outfits and I pick her a lot but the truth is I liked her dress the best.  It is just very sharp.  Still… if you follow this blog and care at all about what the girls are wearing I suggest you google the event, definitely some nice stuff there.  Today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

So Mary Elizabeth Winstead was at a thing for the X-Men show I will probably not like and will make me sad that Fox will forever have the X-Men rights so they can squander them.  But you know… it could be good.  Mary Elizabeth Winstead was there, which is a good thing.  Honestly, if she shows up somewhere I am likely to post her because I adore her.  Mercy Street is back to and PBS keeps sending me emails to let me know and uh… I need to watch it.  I am sorry.  I will get to it, I promise.  I am not sure who I am promising this to but… you know I am rambling, whatever.  Mary Elizabeth Winstead is beautiful and talented and I love her.  Today I want to fuck Mary Elizabeth Winstead.