It sure has seemed like Demi Lovato wanted my attention lately and far be it from me to say no. By wanted my attention I mean she’s looked good enough to post but just barely lost out to someone else and I am a delusional egomaniac so I of course see it as being all about me. So like, I said, she’s clearly wanted my attention. I am not feeling great at the moment so I am not really going to say much else other than she has looked fantastic. So go her. Today I want to fuck Demi Lovato.
Here is Olivia Munn because the summer is strange and I don’t always need a lot of a reason to post someone during the summer. Just… less of a media onslaught. Or maybe it’s cause I am feeling just a little bit out of it, kinda tired, kinda coming down with something. Anyway, I put her in well, swimwear I guess cause it’s summer. So here she is. Today I want to fuck Olivia Munn.
So I spent last night reading an entire YA Star Wars novel because I am a huge dork. I know, I know, I hide it well, you had no idea. I am outing myself. I love Star Wars. Love it. And the book was good, kind of like a Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead of the Star Wars universe. Except, you know, with out the existentialism. Or the sort of satire and comedy. Ok, so it was superficially that Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead of the Star Wars universe. Anyway, I liked it and I loved the ways it sort of brushed against the characters I loved. One of those was Princess Leia and it was very interesting to see how others in the universe regarded her but maybe the most informative thing about her was how people reacted to Darth Vader. Fear. Like barely able to hold it together fear, entire bodies went cold when he was present. Which makes sense. But remember, Leia didn’t do this. Instead she told him off, claiming only he could be so bold and then telling him he was the one who was going to be in trouble when the Senate found out. A giant slug dude was a creep so she strangled him with a chain. When I tag this and I have to categorize her what do I put? Princess? Diplomat? Politician? General? Rebel? there’s too much and she did most of that before she was 25. It’s amazing. Look, she’s a character I love and part of a thing I love and given what she did to the slug that objectified her I am on thin ice but today I want to fuck Princess Leia.
This week has sucked. This week sucks. Let’s just get through it, it’s almost over. Anyway, I am posting Rihanna because I just wanted to post someone beautiful and have that be it. Rihanna is beautiful. I almost typed we can all agree on that but it isn’t like this is my first day on the internet, I am sure we can’t all agree on that. I am sure someone, somewhere is outraged that I am posting Rihanna. Oh well. I like her on account of my known fetish for beautiful women. Today I want to fuck Rihanna.
So I was just minding my own business this morning when someone sent me a picture of Emily Ratajkowski naked from Harper’s Bazaar. Which I am ok with. My phrasing might have made it sound otherwise. It was at that point I was pretty sure I’d end up posting her today because well, Emily Ratajkowski is hot. And one of the few people on the planet who actually looks better naked than with clothing. Which is really high praise for her because her fashion is so often on point. She just has great fashion taste. Yet looks better naked. It’s an embarrassment of riches thing, like maybe give that fashion sense to someone who needs it. Anyway, here she is, including one of the said shots from that shoot because today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.
So some time ago my buddy @wildflagsure said something about hwy do people like Margot Robbie so much because she’s boring. Something like that. I kind of agreed. And I had posted her before but like, there are a lot of Margot Robbie pictures out there and it was almost too much. So I got what she meant and kind of agreed in that she was very pretty but unexciting. Hollywood has this thing, and I would say it’s more common in male actors, this blandly handsome thing. Someone who would easily be the best looking person you know if they worked in your office but on TV it’s like… oh, another square jaw with dark hair and perfect cheekbones. The same thing can happen with pretty blondes or… well, it can happen. So I got it, I wasn’t as passionate as @wildflagsure, who was of course filled with rage being the rage filled hothead she is. I think she said something like, “By Hera! I’ll see her bones ground to dust at the river Styx in the realm of Hades. Nemean Lion, Gyro, Moussaka!” And I was like, whoa, cool your jets. But you know, you can’t reason with some people. Anyway, my point is I get this thing on Margot Robbie but i also get feeling absolutely compelled to post her after Wolf of Wall Street, because on the other hand she is ridiculously beautiful. And sometimes I see that. I just don’t need it shoved down my throat. Like enough with the Harley Quinn, stuff. Actually, that might be the source of the acrimony for me, there is nothing that seems more, “Whoa, tone it down. It’s a little on the nose” than the sexying up of an already sexy character that is Harley Quinn in the past few years. So maybe she got a little of that on her. Anyway, she’s doing all this press for Tarzan and it is like, oh right, she’s gorgeous. So here she is. Today I want to fuck Margot Robbie.
Here is Candice Swanepoel because why not some Candice Swanepoel. I can’t think of any reason not to. She is very pretty and looks very pretty here and you know, day after a long weekend I feel less rested than I do after a regular weekend. It’s all the pressure of having to capitalize on the long weekend. You get that sad look from people when they ask what you did and your answer is, “Nothing, watched terrible movies and cried myself to sleep because I had nothing to do”. There’s this silent judgment like you must be unhappy with that because it isn’t the way so many people want to spend their time off. Like, suddenly they put on the kid gloves because they feel you must be horribly sad about all of that. So I went outside and to the lake and all sorts of stuff so I didn’t have to deal with any of that. But I am a little worn out as a result. So here is Candice Swanepoel because it takes like zero effort to find her attractive and like zero effort to find good pictures of her. She’s the gift that keeps giving when it comes to pictures. Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.
When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. So suck it, King George! I am putting up Alexis Ren today because America guys. America. I almost wanted to do Nicki Minaj again because it was hilarious to watch racists who didn’t realize they were racist try to explain why she wasn’t a real American that one time without using the phrase “because she’s black”. But Alexis called to me. Because of Freedom and Liberty guys. Enjoy your 4th and enjoy these pictures, every shot of a beautiful woman is a blow against the Tyranny of a corrupt, old system of nobility. Anyway, I have a busy day, I have to go throw all the team in my house into the bathtub before throwing up a middle finger as hard as I can in the direction of Windsor Castle. So, for America, today I want to fuck Alexis Ren.
I almost posted this and then I realized it’s my dear friend @wildflagsure‘s birthday. So with her Happy Birthday, she’s great and deserves it. Of course, this post won’t mean anything to her but she’s a Greek living in the UK, I feel like she has greater disappointments on her mind than having to look at Blake Lively. Anyway, she basically got a birthday post here a few days ago. Anyway, I went and saw the Shallows last night and yeah, I wasn’t expecting much but you may have noticed I have posted Blake Lively a ton recently so I was in the mood to see Blake Lively. Well, I was in a Blake Lively mood yesterday. Anyway, I wasn’t expecting much as I definitely insinuated in another post but the movie actually was much better than I was expecting. Now, that’s damning something with faint praise but in part that’s because every shark movie in the world owes a giant debt to Jaws and is never as good as Jaws. So, I guess breaking news, you heard it here first, The Shallows is not as good as Jaws. It is however, a good deal better than a lot of shark movies. I have seen a lot of shark movies. There is a whole wide range of quality that spans from say Jaws to Jaws 4 (in which a shark chases a woman to the Bahamas to get revenge. That is the least stupid part of it). This movie is light years better than Jaws 4. And Jaws 3. And for the first 50 minutes or so this is honestly pretty good. It really falls down in not having enough faith in Blake Lively, it seems like it wants to add stuff when this movie really should have been about Blake Lively trapped on a rock and we don’t need another thing. So overall it was ok, it had the potential to be much better. And I will give Blake Lively credit for really being pretty good in this. And beautiful. Fuck she is beautiful. So today I want to fuck Blake Lively.
So I guess girls throwing out the first pitch is a thing I have now? That seems strange. It’s just that I am posting Aubrey Plaza because she looked adorable throwing out the first pitch and it’s not the first time I have posted someone because they threw out the first pitch at a game somewhere. So I think that officially makes it a thing for me. You learn something disturbing about yourself every day. Anyway, she has a new movie coming out soon, with her best buddy Anna Kendrick and I am really looking forward to it because she is hilarious. I mean, Anna Kendrick is funny too but Aubrey Plaza is really, really funny. And I miss her since Parks and Rec went away. So here she is because of baseball and because today I want to fuck Aubrey Plaza.
Who I want to Fuck Today 