Here is Holly Willoughby because there was a new photoshoot with Holly in it and I want to encourage that kind of behavior.  She should show up more often in… whatever replaced Magazines in England.  I mean, I know they still have magazines but I assume no one buys them there either.  Anyway, I happen to really enjoy Holly, there is just a weird, contradictory mix of wholesomeness and sexuality that I dig.  Or maybe that isn’t contradictory.  Or shouldn’t be.  Anyway, that’s two British women in a row because it’s a British kind of weekend here.  By that I mean it’s basically rained the whole time. Today I want to fuck Holly Willoughby.

Kelly Brook has released some shots from her new Calendar and I think that deserves a post.  Not because of the pictures because who cares about half naked women.  No, because it’s a Calendar and a I am a big, big fan of linear time.  As is Kelly Brook since she puts in so much effort every year in commemorate the concept by publishing calendars.  She is a responsible celebrity and knows there are many options out there for calendars and a lot of people probably have let paper ones fall to the wayside but she has fans and she knows they may buy her calendar and thus accidentally continue perhaps the greatest legacy of Western thought, linear time.  You see, a lot of ancient people, and I mean a lot, thought time was cyclical.  Time is a great wheel that rotates and comes around again and again.  And it’s a fun thought exercise and philosophical debate about history repeating itself again and again but the idea of an actual wheel of time is nothing but a wheel of oppression to crush all under.  It destroys free will.  Everything we are doing has happened and will happen again.  It is predestined and we are but just puppets on the strings of master time.  This is fucking horrifying.  Thankfully, as the heirs to Western thought (I mean, I assume that’s true of most people reading this.  If not sorry?  You can embrace this element though) we have linear time and along with it free will.  We are free to fuck up in new and inventive ways, even if it leads us down similar paths of self destruction our forebears traveled.  It’s similar but it’s our own damn path and our own damn choice. This is pretty much the most powerful bit of freedom any of us can have.  And given her 20 year dedication to making calendars I can only assume Kelly Brook understands this and wants to remind us all every year.  She really deserves thanks for that so I am celebrating it right here with pictures honoring her calendar history.  Thank you, Kelly.  Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

Most of you probably don’t realize it because I have played it pretty close to the vest until now but I am a pretty big Charli XCX fan.  It’s ok if you feel like we’re close but you hadn’t caught on, it’s me, not you.  I never bring it up.  I am very secretive about it.  She has been in a bunch of pictures lately and it seems people are still digging the video for Boys and all of this is good because almost once a day Youtube recommends some new interview with her or something.  Because, of course, while no one else has noticed tht I love Charli XCX, Google knows all.  Which is frightening but if it keeps sending me Charli XCX interviews I will be too distracted to do anything about it.  So uh… hurray for that?  I guess.  Anyway, here she is because I really like her and today I want to fuck Charli XCX.

Looks like Emily Ratajkowski is doing more stuff for DKNY which is good because the campaigns they run with her tend to be just beautiful.  I am not sure how effective they are because I don’t actually know which bits of clothing they are selling.  It says DKNY intimates but often she’s just like, wearing a man’s shirt and I can’t see anything else.  So maybe it’s not effective.  Or maybe it is because I am talking about it right here and I can only assume most people make their life decisions based on what I talk about.  Sorry for all the bad horror movies you’ve watched then.  Anyway, she looked great and so here she is.  Today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

I don’t know if Nina Dobrev is currently promoting stuff or what.  I kind of assume so but that’s because she keeps just showing up in things.  Sorry, I hate to use such complicated and precise language, I know I have readers who don’t even speak English as a first language but sometimes such high level language has to be used, only words like “stuff” and “things” possibly work. I am not complaining by the way.  If magazines or websites or other stuff wants to take nice pictures of women I am attracted to then they should.  I encourage this behavior.  I am just cynical.  I just know that usually there is some sort of agenda.  Maybe I am wrong this time.  Anyway, she has looked lovely because she always looks lovely and so today I want to fuck Nina Dobrev.

So here is Hannah Ray who is absolutely killing it lately.  I mean, she tends to in general but this week there are a few pictures that I thought were just fantastic.   My good pal @she-goes-to-eleven is a fan of talking about how sexy Hannah Ray is and… yeah, you can definitely see that sometimes.  I have felt it this week. More so though, I am often impressed with her sense of style because there is just something about her personal sense of style that is always perfect.  And by perfect I don’t mean she has chosen the single greatest set of clothing in the history of man and it would look great on anyone but rather it is perfect for her.  Which is really the whole point of personal style.  It can be hard to mark out your own.  I have nailed the isolated loner aesthetic and fingers crossed in 10 years local kids will refer to my house as the one where the witch lives and everyone will spread vicious rumors about me. I’ll get up and pull my bathrobe a little tighter and shake my cane at them through the window and they’ll run away squealing in terror.  That’s my personal style that I have cultivated.  Hers is better and I am not sure how to describe it other than it always looks perfect.  I have a friend who has gotten a little closer by saying that Hannah Ray can wear stuff she would never in a million years look at twice on a shelf but it looks so perfect on Hannah that my friend immediately wishes she had it.  Despite knowing it wouldn’t work for her.  So you know, it’s impressive.  I assume it comes from being an artist, since she is a skilled photographer as well.  There is something to an artists eye that I envy.  I know what looks good but I can’t ever seem to create it.  I know when something doesn’t work but I have no idea how to make it work.  So I am always a little envious of people with this talent.  Anyway, she has looked very good lately and I am always a bit in awe of her whole feel, so today I want to fuck Hannah Ray.

The VMAs were last night and usually I would post about that but for whatever reason this morning I am posting Gigi Hadid, who I am pretty sure was not there.  This isn’t common for me but it happens.  The Heart wants what the heart wants.  Well… not the heart.  I mean, let’s be clear, I am not claiming I love Gigi Hadid.  Feels important to clarify for lots of reasons.  I don’t actually know her and I feel the internet has only accelerated something that has bothered me since I was a kid, which is the cheapening of our words by over using them. People used to tell me something was great or amazing and then it would turn out to be just ok and when confronted they would say something, “Yeah, when I say something is amazing I just mean I liked it”.  Well, that ruins language and I can’t think of a worse word for us to devalue as a culture than love.  It’s powerful stuff but only so long as we allow it to be.  Also, not only am I a hero for taking a stand on this important issue there is the fact that I haven’t met her and that is the action of a crazy person, claiming to love someone you don’t know.  Next thing I’ll be scrawling on the walls that we we’re meant to be together and it’s this whole long slide into this crazy stalker vibe and I’d have to get whole new clothes and I am just not that committed to it.  If it requires a uniform I am usually just too lazy to engage.  So you know, it’s not quite what the heart wants but I don’t want to be crude.  This is a family blog and it’s important to me that people can read it with their kids. That’s how we’ll know who shouldn’t be a parent.  Anyway, Gigi Hadid is here because I was discussing her with a friend last night and man she sure is good looking.  Today I want to fuck Gigi Hadid.

There was a big fight last night and you may not know this about me but boxing is one of my true loves.  Which of course makes me a dinosaur.  I don’t care much for MMA stuff and boxing has been so far eclipsed by MMA that it might as well not exist it he eyes of most people.  Which is a shame.  A bigger shame is that I didn’t bother watching last night because it felt gimmicky and I expected a real snoozefest.  In my experience, when you put a boxer in the ring, especially one as skilled as Floyd Mayweather, against someone who decidedly isn’t a boxer then the non boxer gets the snot kicked out of him.  Boxing is too technical a sport to get by on just athleticism.  Turns out I was wrong.  I mean, yeah, Mayweather won but apparently it was a good fight.  Of course, I knew Mayweather would win and if I wanted to watch villains win at things I’d just turn on the news.  So good fight, who knows when Boxing will have it’s next big fight, the sport isn’t the darling that it once was, and honestly hasn’t been in my life time.  But there were still some celebrities there, most of them kind of expected cause you do this long enough you figure out who actually likes this kind of thing because they seem to keep showing up.  Like Olivia Munn.  Who genuinely seems to enjoy sporting events and always looks good.  She looked really good.  I loved her dress.  Hopefully that’s not as controversial as my fashion comments yesterday.  Anyway, here is Olivia Munn because she looked so good last night.  Today I want to fuck Olivia Munn.

Here is Pixie Lott because she performed at the Manchester Pride… I dunno what it was.  Festival, Parade, Celebration.  I don’t know the nomenclature and I am too much of a pedant to want to get it wrong so I will say it was about Pride and that’s a good thing and leave it at that.  Anyway, she was there and she looked pretty because that’s what she does, though I am not sure how I feel about the high waisted jeans.  Like high waisted pants aren’t really a look I think should come back but for some reason no one consults me.  What I will say is this, watch some movie from the early 90’s about teenagers.  Not one of the famous ones that blinds you with it being epic and where everyone was ultra stylish (so you know, not Clueless) and you’ll realize all the teenage girls look like they are 30.  It’s not because of the typical Hollywood casting, it’s because of the high waisted pants.  They are all wearing mom jeans cause that was a thing in 1991 and it just looks wrong.  So what I am saying is, unless you want that fate for you and your friends when people see pictures of you in 20 years, well, this is a trend you should resist.  Just warning you.  Anyway, as a result I didn’t post the pictures of her on stage, instead here are a few random pictures of her where she also looks pretty, because that’s what she does.  So I am posting her on account of prettiness mixed with my weakness for British Blondes.  Today I want to fuck Pixie Lott.

Jenna Coleman is doing press for the next season of Victoria and I haven’t actually seen any of the show so I can’t comment on that.  I just happen to like Jenna and am often taken with how pretty she is.  She is just very pretty.  That’s it.  Today I want to fuck Jenna Coleman.