Tag: Amber Heard

It feels appropriate that as things wind down Amber Heard returns to this blog. For those who weren’t here, which in fairness is most of you because I have roughly 50 times the followers I did then and at least 8 of you are not bots, Amber Heard was one of the most posted people on this blog in it’s first year of existence. I think she was the 3rd or 4th person to reach 10 posts here. Her red carpet stuff can be hit or miss and well… sometimes you drift apart but I really liked what she wore to the US premier of Aquaman so I am posting her. It’s a good gown. Today I want to fuck Amber Heard.

In the first year of this blog’s existence Amber Heard was among the most posted celebrities.  I can’t swear to know the exact rankings but she was in the top 5 for sure. I posted her a lot.  The last time I posted her was almost 4 year ago.  That’s kind of nuts but sort of illustrates part of the reason I started this (besides being a snotty asshole and feeling there just weren’t enough places on the internet objectifying women).  I knew myself well enough to know that most of my attractions to celebrities are fleeting.  This is no doubt due to the nature of celebrity, that people will get a push and be everywhere and either you will respond positively or negatively to that but it is hard to remain neutral on anyone.  I mean, I am sure there are still people with strong feelings on Miley Cyrus destroying the youth of America or whatever but I bet they don’t even think of those feelings unless you bring her up first.  Cause out of sight out of mind.  And with Amber Heard… well, I wonder if part of it isn’t just Johnny Depp.  Johnny Depp is strange because you are supposed to love him and he is a good actor but I also think he ruins basically every movie he is in and has for about 20 years now and so I have always found him strangely off putting. So at some point, because of the narratives the media loves and how we function as a society Amber Heard ceased to be Amber Heard and instead became Johnny Depp’s girlfriend in every single anything I saw about her.  Pictures, articles, whatever.  At the same time, I think I stopped watching anything with her in it.  Not intentionally, it’s just that every single thing she has been in since 2011 has been nothing I have had any desire to see.  So you end up losing any sort of counter to the gossip columns which strip her of any identity other than who she is sleeping with.  I am not sure this is what happened, I could have just gotten bored, but it sure sounds right as I type it out.  I guess my point is Johnny Depp ruins everything and I think we should all agree to start hating him.  I mean, we have plenty of reasons besides this (though I have heard his fans are super rabid trolls on the internet and I am kind of looking forward to hate mail).  Anyway, she is going to be Mera in the new DC movies and… boy, I haven’t liked any of them yet but I did always think Mera was kind of hot.  So fingers crossed I guess?  I am that person who likes Aquaman and abhors lazy “Aquaman is lame” jokes.  Maybe this is the start of a comeback cause I have no idea why I am posting her today, she was just on my mind.  Today I want to fuck Amber Heard.

So Amber Heard was photographed on the set of some movie I assume dressed for a funeral.  I could be wrong but it looked that way to me.  She looked pretty hot.  I don’t have a funeral fetish but it did make me think of the benefits of someone really hot showing up at my funeral (I am not dying).  I want Amber Heard to show up at my funeral (I am not planning on dying soon, my choice of who could change one day, I’ll try to keep you guys in the mix).  She would show up looking amazing.  She would try to throw herself on the casket and cry out things like, “Best I ever had” and “No one else could ever satisfy me”.  I feel like if I am going out I could add some mystery and excitement to everyone’s lives.  People would talk about that for a long time.  Did you see that hot blonde?  She was inconsolable.  Who knew our dearly beloved, lost too soon, probably the best friend anyone could ever have was so amazing in bed.  Life changing even.  Now it was pointed out to me I could just sleep with Amber Heard to have this happen rather than having someone hire her or getting make a wish or something to contact her.  I appreciate the faith but if I could get Amber Heard to sleep with me I wouldn’t be writing this right now.  I would be sleeping with Amber Heard.  Given I am at work that would be both very hot and probably disastrous for my career, so it’s a blessing and a curse that I am not a walking, talking Amber-Heard-Seduction-Machine.  The funeral thing would be pretty cool though.  Anyway, my main point is today I want to fuck Amber Heard.

Holy crap, it has been like forever since Amber Heard has been here.  She showed up at Thanksgiving but otherwise it has been almost a friggin year, which is crazy because I really love Amber Heard!  For the first six months of this blog she was one of the most common selections!  But it just isn’t my fault, she hasn’t been in anything.  I mean I dig her but no movies, no TV and that seems to have lead to no magazines, not photo shoots… All I have seen are pictures of her shopping or getting in her car and sometimes those are ok but overall I don’t tend to dig that kind of thing.  She has a really awesome car but… they just aren’t for me, they feel intrusive and people usually don’t look their best.  So she just hasn’t popped up as much, which is a crime because she is so, so hot.  I mean, seriously, look at her!  Anyway, there isn’t much more for me to say except that I hope she hasn’t felt left out.  Because she loves guns.  And she drives fast cars.  I don’t want her coming after me, I can’t get away!  Ok, well… maybe I want her coming after me, that’s kind of hot.  I’m torn.  Today I want to fuck Amber Heard.

Today is Thanksgiving and there is plenty to be thankful for out there.  I am thankful for Tumblr and all my followers, I never thought this blog would be as popular as it had turned out to be (even if most people delete their reblogs by the time I check them, I assuming you get embarrassed once you see what I actually wrote).  I enjoy this though and I enjoy all the interactions I have had (I should also share this other tumblr Female Celebrity of the Day.  The most common question I get is are there other blogs like mine and right now this is the closest one.  Well, the most common is if there is a blog like this about guys, I haven’t seen one, someone should start one).  I am also thankful for pretty celebrities who give me the inspiration to write.  I am thankful for blondes who are sometimes brunettes.  I am thankful for out bisexuals because being out is cool and frankly they seem to be all I have dated in a long time.  And I am thankful for Amber Heard cause she is all of those things and she’s pretty awesome.  Today I want to fuck Amber Heard.

Today we’re going to talk about something near and dear to my heart.  No, not Amber Heard.  I mean, we’re going to talk about her and while I like her she’s nowhere near here.  Believe me, I would not actually be here typing this if she was.  I think we all know what I’d be doing.  That’s right, making clumsy passes and getting shot down!  Anyway, this is about a subject I have discussed in private but since I have this whole blog thing that literally 10’s of people glance at the pictures of and never read what I write, this is a good place for this.  Amber Heard is a bisexual.  She came out a long time ago and I always like a good coming out.  The thing is though, everyone wants to claim her as theirs.  I get it.  I do.  If I was making a sexy softball team I’d want her!  There is kind of a negative thing that happens though, I have seen lesbains get mad that she’s bisexual, or that she says she is.  They see her as a traitor or a liar or who knows what but they say she isn’t, she’s a lesbian and that’s that.  Actually guys, how she identifies sexually is up to her.  Just like how you identify is up to you.  I am really glad you are super proud of your sexuality, it’s such a nice thing to see, much better than begging a higher power to strip you of your orientation.  Your pride doesn’t in anyway influence what someone else is though, more importantly what they are should in no way diminish your pride.  See, the thing is when you claim a bisexual is just fooling herself or she needs to choose a side, you may not realize it but you’re being a bigot.  I would hope you understand those aren’t fun to deal with.  Which is a long way of talking about how much I like Amber Heard’s bisexuality.  I mean, not in a creepy way but it feels brave to embrace that, there is a lot of slut shaming from all sides for bisexuals, which is sad and silly, this one little group who is being hit from all sides.  This is why I like a good coming out, because someone somewhere it gives them a little more courage and confidence to be themselves.  That is pretty great and I think we all know it’s a big part of why she’s so popular.  Also she’s hot.  Really she’s here today because she’s smoking hot.  I got distracted somewhere along the way writing this and let myself soapbox onto some sort of tangent.  My real point here is she is gorgeous and has that extra something that just draws me to her.  She is really hot.  Everything else is nice, though.  But yeah, she’s hot.  I think she’s hot.  Today I want to fuck Amber Heard.

So I woke up this morning to a bunch of pics on my dash of Amber Heard.  Well, ok, honestly I woke up to pictures of a lot of girls but many were of Amber Heard.  And it says something about just how stunning she is that my thought wasn’t, “Look how many pretty girls” but instead was, “Look at how many pretty Amber Heard pictures”.  The truth is she is gorgeous and it just goes to show the effect she can have because just pictures usually don’t evoke that much passion in me.  Watching a movie or a show is much more likely to turn my head but she is just so gorgeous.  I especially love her ability to look so glamorous, which is probably why I found myself choosing all black and white photos today, it just… fit the mood she put me in.  So here she is for everyone to enjoy, in black and white.  I think it’s obvious why today I want to fuck Amber Heard.

Long before I knew much about her I knew Amber Heard was beautiful.  That was the first thing I knew about her because duh I have eyeballs.  The more I learned the cooler she got though.  I don’t even like guns but the fact that she loves guns is somehow hot.  The car stuff?  Crazy hot.  Her attitude about coming out?  Also hot!  Anyway, she’s hot, so here’s some hotness to share so you can see why today I want to fuck Amber Heard.

So I am rewatching Drive Angry because the movie is awesomely insane, which tends to translate to insanely awesome.  Don’t confuse that with good but entertaining yes.  Of course, the insanity is only helped by the fact that the camera spends a long, long time luxuriating on Amber Heard’s body.  Of course, that kind of describes the Stepfather too, which half the movie seemed to be about long shots on Amber in a bikini.  I can’t blame any movie for that though.  If you are going to make a movie you should use the tools you have and Amber Heard is just insanely hot.  I can’t think of that much more to say about her at the moment, I’ve said stuff before and will say stuff again but she is crazy hot and today that is enough.  Today I want to fuck Amber Heard.

I like Amber Heard and if she didn’t win the Met Gala recently she certainly got honorable mention.  She is always so pretty and such an interesting case.  I mean she does old school elegance so well be it on the red carpet or in various photoshoots but then at the same time is known for shooting guns, driving muscle cars, and being a bad ass.  It’s actually a very attractive combination.  So here I am thinking of her and today I want to fuck Amber Heard.