Tag: blonde

In the first year of this blog’s existence Amber Heard was among the most posted celebrities.  I can’t swear to know the exact rankings but she was in the top 5 for sure. I posted her a lot.  The last time I posted her was almost 4 year ago.  That’s kind of nuts but sort of illustrates part of the reason I started this (besides being a snotty asshole and feeling there just weren’t enough places on the internet objectifying women).  I knew myself well enough to know that most of my attractions to celebrities are fleeting.  This is no doubt due to the nature of celebrity, that people will get a push and be everywhere and either you will respond positively or negatively to that but it is hard to remain neutral on anyone.  I mean, I am sure there are still people with strong feelings on Miley Cyrus destroying the youth of America or whatever but I bet they don’t even think of those feelings unless you bring her up first.  Cause out of sight out of mind.  And with Amber Heard… well, I wonder if part of it isn’t just Johnny Depp.  Johnny Depp is strange because you are supposed to love him and he is a good actor but I also think he ruins basically every movie he is in and has for about 20 years now and so I have always found him strangely off putting. So at some point, because of the narratives the media loves and how we function as a society Amber Heard ceased to be Amber Heard and instead became Johnny Depp’s girlfriend in every single anything I saw about her.  Pictures, articles, whatever.  At the same time, I think I stopped watching anything with her in it.  Not intentionally, it’s just that every single thing she has been in since 2011 has been nothing I have had any desire to see.  So you end up losing any sort of counter to the gossip columns which strip her of any identity other than who she is sleeping with.  I am not sure this is what happened, I could have just gotten bored, but it sure sounds right as I type it out.  I guess my point is Johnny Depp ruins everything and I think we should all agree to start hating him.  I mean, we have plenty of reasons besides this (though I have heard his fans are super rabid trolls on the internet and I am kind of looking forward to hate mail).  Anyway, she is going to be Mera in the new DC movies and… boy, I haven’t liked any of them yet but I did always think Mera was kind of hot.  So fingers crossed I guess?  I am that person who likes Aquaman and abhors lazy “Aquaman is lame” jokes.  Maybe this is the start of a comeback cause I have no idea why I am posting her today, she was just on my mind.  Today I want to fuck Amber Heard.

It’s been ages since I posted Mosh and that’s just a real shame.  It isn’t entirely my fault, she has moved on to inhabit this strange level of fame where she is more successful and famous than she once was when she was just another denizen of the Internet but still is not famous enough that like… normal people know who she is.  As a result she doesn’t show up anywhere.  Like, when she had to get her work out there she was all over the internet and people were putting out pictures of her constantly, now that she is posing for people like Ellen von Unwerth I suppose she doesn’t need to/doesn’t have time/can’t spend her time posting picture on tumblr and her website and so on.  I think this means she is much more successful but somehow that success makes it so much harder to see her.  It’s really a very strange paradox that someone whose job it is to pose for pictures for a living becomes harder to see pictures of as she becomes more successful at posing for pictures for a living.  Eat your heart out Rod Sterling.  Anyway, now to get new pictures I essentially have to figure out what store or clothing line or product she is modeling for and then raid their website and well, it ends up being a lot of work.  But worth it!  I have done that this past week and now I am posting Mosh cause good god she is beautiful.  She deserves her success because she is fantastic at what she does.  The way she has evolved as a model is remarkable and interesting.  Today I want to fuck Miss Mosh.

Here is the beautiful and talented Kristen Bell cause she was at a screening of CHIPs.  Or CHiPs.  I can’t remember.  Look, it was a show that was immensely popular when I was a small child and at like 3 years old my friends and I used to watch it in syndication in the afternoons at our babysitter’s house because it was guys wearing sunglasses riding motorcycles so we assumed it was super cool.  I haven’t seen it since and I have my doubts about how it’s aged.  So what about making bad 80’s melodramas into comedies now?  I guess it could be good?  I have no idea, it seems like such a strange tactic to remake something with no real fanbase or love.  I guess it’s easier thank thinking of a cool new acronym.  Anyway, there were surprisingly a number of people I almost posted today but Kristen Bell won out because I love Kristen Bell, a well documented fact that will no doubt lead to a swift restraining order against me one day.  Today I want to fuck Kirsten Bell.

Candice Swanepoel has started doing her first modeling gig post birth of her child and it’s pretty exciting to see her get back to work.  The first previews have come out and she looks good because of course she does, that’s her thing.  I mean, if I was into that.  I am indifferent.  Obviously it’s well documented she’s always trying to seduce me so the work is good for her.  To take her mind off of things.  Sorry, I am tired, I am only half assing my delusions today.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

Well guys, here is Scarlett Johansson because she is everywhere due to Ghost in the Shell promotional stuff.  Now, whatever you think of her casting in this movie (and if you’re critical you’re probably right) she is just here because she is pretty.  I probably won’t see the movie, at least any time soon.  Not out of protest, I mean, that would be noble but the truth is I just don’t care about the movie at all.  I remember when the anime went out and everyone went apeshit (by everyone I mean like two kids I knew who were the only ones in my school who watched anime, which we all called Japanimation back then, because if my generation got anything right it was a deep understanding that anime is for nerds) but I didn’t care because there is something about the visual language of anime that doesn’t appeal to me.  At all.  So I never watched it and a live action adaptation doesn’t appeal either.  Non of that is important though.  Here is what is important, today is my dear friend @thunderstormofoblivion’s birthday.  It’s important because she’s great so feel free to wish her happy birthday.  Now, I will give you my normal warning to be polite/not creepy/not an asshole when messaging some girl you don’t know on the internet but this time it’s for your sake, cause she’ll fuck you up, boys.  She’s stomp all over you and it won’t be a gentle tap dance on your spine, it’ll be like a fucking marching band.  You’ll be ruined.  So for your sake be polite, she’s dangerous and not to be fucked with.  Look, I don’t want to have to hear about her licking some young boys blood from her claws yet again.  Anyway, she is well acquainted with beauty, so she should appreciate Scarlett Johansson as well.  Today I want to fuck Scarlett Johansson.

Hey guys, my friend @she-goes-to-eleven has gotten hurt.  She can’t even look at screens right now due to a concussion.  It happened while ice skating because of course it did, she’s Canadian and if you don’t own a snowmobile I assume that’s the only way you can get anywhere.  I don’t have more details than that but I assume it was during a polar bear attack she hit her head.  I assume this because if it had been a Wendigo attack she would be in even worse shape, because even Wolverine has a hard time with the Wendigo. That’s all I know though because my entire knowledge of Canada comes from X-Men comics and Strange Brew.  But, my thought was that if you are reading this it takes almost no effort for you to send her a message wishing her a speedy recovery and I guess my goal is that her inbox will be flooded with well wishes when the doctors ok her to look at screens again.  Now, I am posting Kate Upton cause Kate Upton is hot and I’d like to say that it’s a good fit because @she-goes-to-eleven likes Kate Upton but really I could have posted literally anyone, as I don’t think she’s ever seen a woman she wasn’t attracted to.  And besides, there is no dangerous ice or ridiculous cold in these pictures. They look nice and toasty.  Like, none of that wind that cuts through you or is hard enough that it feels like your car is going to be blown off the road when you drive.  Plus I mean… boobs.  I like boobs sometimes.  Sometimes.  When I am awake mostly.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Ugh.  Ok, so the time changed and that sucks and of course my brain in response decided last night would be a great night to not shut up and never sleep.  Like, let’s go through every failed relationship in our life and then maybe stress about money or maybe we could think about embarrassing things we’ve done before or dwell on if we should have done this thing instead of that thing. Because my brain hates me and I am this fucking close to stabbing it with a Q-tip guys.  Anyway, the Kids Choice Awards were last night, a thing I was made aware of because Youtube started playing ads for it yesterday because Google is either way off about my age or eerily accurate about my interest in possible red carpets.  Either way, I knew I would be posting someone from it today cause that’s just always how this sort of thing works.  Anyway, I expected Demi Lovato when the commercials listed who would be there but I asked my buddy @wildflagsure to give me a report because it was hosted by John Cena and you may not know this but John Cena has a headlock around her heart. Her deepest desire in the world is to have bouncing baby Cenas running around her house.  Anyway, she fell down on the job and I am dragging today so it feels like the day is over and I am just getting to this.  And Peyton List won, which is a little surprising.  She’s pretty but it seems like everyone I know likes her way more than I do so I am always almost like, reactionary in not posting her.  It’s like… I don’t know, I don’t want to trample someone’s garden or… that doesn’t even make sense.  I lost my train of thought here.  I am like, really, really tired guys.  Anyway, here she is because she looked the best in my opinion.  Today I want to fuck Peyton List.

Here’s Holly Willoughby because it’s pretty much documented medical fact at this point that I am way into blond British women. Just a thing about me. But also because Holly Willoughby is kind of a fascinating mix of wholesome and sexy. I guess… I am not sure what it is, maybe it’s the mystery that is human charisma and that charisma is different in different people.  I mean, obviously I have boundless charisma, it’s why I have a blog about what celebrities I want to sleep with on the internet, it’s the only way to protect you guys from my uncontrollably enchanting magnetism.  Sure, you might doubt it but if this wasn’t here to distract me you’d all have given me all your money by now, shaved your head, and you’d be making people uncomfortable on the street asking them if they have heard the good word about Yzlot, the Bringer of Destruction and Fire. Look, my core point is I am great but my secondary one is that charisma is weird, cause my ability to get you to join my cult is different than what has Holly Willoughby as a popular TV presenting in Britain.  And it’s not just her curves, though no doubt they play a factor.  Perhaps they are a good place to start though, because as an outsider I have seen people describe her as looking like the girl next door and you know what?  You’re wrong.  There was one girl next door, she was 86, she yelled at the birds, she did not look like that.  And to be honest, the implication of that is she is what a good, honest woman looks like which is funny because those curves are god given and there is nothing about them you just get from good clean living.  But Brits seem to assign to her some sort of basic pureness, like shes’ what women would look like if they were kind and good an that is her charisma.  See, it presents itself by her just seeming wholesome and kind of motherly and kind of just beyond reproach.  I mean, I have seen necklines literally down to her naval and it’s interesting who can and can’t pull that off.  Some people look desperate.  Some people, like Holly, still look wholesome.  Like, oh, she’s going to make an apple pie.  Or whatever the British equivalent of apple pie is.  Boiled Shoe leather?  Maybe.  It’s definitely boiled, those people boil everything.  This is getting off track, I didn’t come here to bash British cooking, I came here to praise their blond women.  Particularly Holly Willoughby who is a dichotomy I find just fascinating.  Also, she’s  hot. Today I want to fuck Holly Willoughby.

This is Catherine Deneuve one of the biggest stars of French Cinema ever.   I am not sure exactly where she ranks because I am not French and as such I couldn’t tell you if she is more famous than Isabelle Huppert or Jean-Luc Goddard, I just know she’s up there.  Also, of note, she was also the face of Marianne, the embodiment of the French Republic, in the 80’s, so given the Laetitia Casta post the other day, maybe that is a thing I am into this week. Who knew?  She is famous is my point, yet I would forgive many of you for not knowing her, I kind of just recognize her cause I have seen a few movies but have to look up how to spell her name.  She is most famous for being beautiful to look at, mysterious on screen, and basically not aging for like 40 years. Seriously, look at picture of her at 50 and pictures of her at 20 and sure her hair changed but otherwise it’s strikingly similar.  So she is unchanging but I am not.  She is here because I rewatched The Umbrellas of Cherbourg, which I will forgive you for not knowing.  A friend suggested it as a good companion to La La Land and it made sense the second I heard that and I did want to rewatch. It is a strikingly beautiful but sad movie about love and how it doesn’t always conquer all but maybe that’s ok.  What I find striking is just how much of art comes from what we bring to the table.  My views on the movie now are very different than they were when I was younger.  I always liked it but it is richer now, stronger, and I find my sympathies lie in multiple directions now.  There are no villains here, though in younger days I did want to cast Catherine Deneuve’s Genevieve as such.  Perception and age can change the way you view things, love included.  It is a gorgeous movie to look at and listen to and is moving.  I highly recommend it if you think you might enjoy a French musical.  Or not.  Of course, Catherine Deneuve was quite beautiful in it and you can see why someone would be so smitten with her.  Today I want to fuck Catherine Deneuve.

Pixie Lott was at the opening of a West End Musical last night and… so now she’s here.  Sometimes I feel like I don’t have a ton to say about her because when I post her it tends to boil down to gosh she’s pretty.  Like, that’s the entire motivation and it tends to be all I have to say.  So here she is cause gosh she’s pretty.  Today I want to fuck Pixie Lott.