Tag: blonde

Pictures of Pixie Lott surfaced of her performing over the weekend at a place called Gay Heaven and it was like a light bulb went off in my head.  My dear friend @wildflagsure is always talking about how badly she wants to take Pixie Lott to “Gay Heaven” and all this time I thought it was some euphemism.  But of course it’s not, she just wants to take Pixie Lott to some club in London so they can be gal pals and maybe a roommate or something at some point to snuggle with and um… talk about boys probably.  You know, typical gal pal stuff.  All this time I thought she was making a sex joke and it confused me because I doubt Pixie Lott can even do a Fisherman Suplex.  Anyway, I thought Pixie looked good on stage and I would be pals with her but also I think she’s pretty hot.  So for me at least today I want to fuck Pixie Lott.

Well, it turns out Kristen Bell hosted Jimmy Kimmel Live on Thursday and I had no idea until after it happened.  Big mistake, ABC, think about the ratings this cost you by not personally contacting me to let me know.  Your ratings would have gone up by at least one person.  Anyway, thank you for everyone who let me know, it’s good to know that so many people know about the deep, meaningful one way love between Kristen Bell and I.  Though special credit to @wildflagsure because she let me know first.  Like by 12 hours or something. Anyway, I would totally be down with a Kristen Bell talk show from here out because she is, as you might expect if you have ever seen her do anything ever, a complete and total delight.  Just a ball of charm and humor and I enjoyed it, it’s like she spent the entire episode making people happy and dreams come true.  She’s a special ray of sunshine into this dark world.  And yes, one day I am going to have her babies.  Today I want to fuck Kristen Bell.

Here are a bunch of pictures of Candice Swanepoel in swimsuits but this is a post about pretty dresses.  Candice posted this week that her dress for the Met Gala has arrived which was very exciting because it means she’s going to the Met Gala and also it means the Met Gala is almost there guys.  For those who care about pretty dresses, the Met Gala is the biggest deal event of the year.  Probably.  Or close.  Well, there are lots of things with pretty dresses but the Met Gala is a pretty huge deal and there is always a lot of speculation about who will attend and so on.  Now, to celebrate I would have posted pictures of Candice Swanepoel in pretty dresses but they are really hard to find because there are so many pictures of Candice Swanepoel and most are of her in swimsuits or underwear and I am super lazy so I took the easiest route.  Which is why I am glad she’s going, it’ll be a thrilling chance to get to see some red carpet fashion from her.  Also, this i convenient cause she lives in Brazil like a lot of the time and today is the birthday of Brazil’s Greatest Daughter, @lunoboom so wish her happy birthday guys.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

I know I just posted Pixie Lott the other day but this is kismet if kismet means what I think it does.  I am suddenly really worried it may not, it’s a strange bout of vocabulary insecurity.  I could look it up but looking up words is for losers guys.  Sorry if that offends you but it’s true.  So this is kismet or perhaps some other quirky word that means what I think kismet means at the moment.  See, Pixie Lott was at a Lost in Space Anniversary.  Which is strange because I used to watch reruns as a kid and I don’t remember her being in them but man, she looks fantastic for a woman who has to be at least in her 60’s then.  And so fate played a hand in her coming to my attention because first, I just reblogged a picture of the Landover Mall yesterday with a boring story about the time I went there to see the Lost in Space remake movie, which is pretty strange because how often do any of us think about Lost in Space?  I mean, be honest, do you ever?  I don’t.  On top of that, fate then put Pixie Lott in just an amazing dress. That pink dress with her current hair and just… my god.  It’s perfect.  So, as you can see, I have to post her again.  It is kismet after all or some other word that means what I think kismet means.  Today I want to fuck Pixie Lott.

Here is Pixie Lott because she’s really pretty.  Over the weekend she sang at halftime during a game and… the pictures stuck with me.  I guess I am warming up to the pink hair.  Or I think she looks good in a jersey.  Or as a friend joked, I am really into gambling.  Which was a joke I needed explained to me on account of not being British but, hey, I get it now.  I get jokes guys!  Anyway, for whatever reason I liked how she looked (Maybe I am just nostalgic for seeing her perform, that used to be the only kind of pictures of her I saw, now I never see them).  Anyway, here she is to brighten up a rainy day.  Today I want to fuck Pixie Lott.

So pretty much all week people have been helpfully pointing me towards the flood of preview videos of Kate Upton’s Lip Sync Battles appearance.  And I get why.  And I appreciate it.  I feel bad that everyone is so disappointed that I was like, “Meh”.  It’s not you.  It’s not Kate.  I always disliked the song, I never got the appeal of the video, and so seeing it reconstructed was kind of meh.  Well, I should say I got the appeal of the video but.. the school girl thing.  Maybe it’s because I went to a private school but it strikes me as vaguely creepy a lot of the time and I really don’t get what about the outfit is all that hot unless it’s because it makes you think a girl is underage.  Like… otherwise it’s a shirt and skirt.  But hey, I’m also the person that doesn’t understand why eyes boggle every time a girl is in a bikini (while we’re at it, your frozen stills of upskirts and so on also creep me out.  Anything that makes me feel like some creep peaking under a bathroom stall is usually bad as a rule of thumb).  Anyway, I did watch it and it was kind of… fine?  I don’t understand the purpose of the show.  I kind of liked when Jimmy Fallon used to do something similar but it all felt much more thrown together and it wasn’t a massive production number.  I guess it’s like the shot for shot Psycho remake from the 90’s, I still am not sure why it exists. Anyway, my main take away was that Kate Upton seems like a good sport and she is pretty fun.  I got that mainly from the preshow interview stuff and so on. First of all, that green dress was pretty great, she looked fantastic there, much better than in the lip sync stuff.  But… I am reminded of Amy Schumer making a joke once about a guy telling her Kate Upton was funny and how Kate Upton wasn’t funny.  And I got both sides.  Look, I can’t tell you how angry it makes me when someone goes, “You have to meet person X, he’s the funniest person I have ever met”.  And it’s always like, hey, I’m standing right the fuck here. Either you’re a dick out to hurt me or a fucking idiot.  I mean, in fairness it’s usually the later but the knife really twists when I meet the guy and the funniest guy ever does this one impression of what if Monica Lewinski sang We Are the World.  Besides being 20 years out of date, it’s not that funny.  And a couple people lose their shit and I am like, ok, say something else funny.  And it never comes and I am like, “This is the funniest guy you’ve ever met?  This person, right next to me, is the funniest person ever?”  Then I get a, “Well, when I say funniest person ever I mean he makes me laugh sometimes”.  It’s like people don’t even realize words hurt.  And don’t even get me started on the sloppy, imprecise use of language.  It’s like those assholes who declare things as “great” or “epic” and then later you realize they meant, “Ok” or “passable”.  So what I am saying is I can understand how a stand up might flinch at hearing Kate Upton is “funny”.  And pretty people do get a little boost to basically every thing because we are deeply shallow creatures.  Trust me, I would love to pass through the world not this gorgeous but I can’t help it, I know it gets me a little boost in everyone’s eyes.  But, while I don’t think Kate Upton could do stand up I also see how hanging out with her would be fun cause she’s kind of fun and kind of funny.  Like that poor bastard my friends over sold.  He could be fun if they hadn’t ruined him.  Not funniest guy ever fun but fun.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Anyway, I feel like I had a greater point here but I lost it.  I guess what i am saying is I like Kate Upton and am posting her today.  I appreciate the links to youtube videos and so on but I think I am interested in different things than most people, but it’s ok, we have all arrived at the same conclusion, we’ve just taken different roads.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

I watched this week’s Riverdale last night, which you probably figured out when you saw who I posted if you know the show and this blog.  This is the first time I have posted Lili Reinhart and it’s… well, it’s hard to explain why.  I think part of it is in the fact that she plays Betty.  Betty who in the comics often comes in second for Archie’s affections and who is the most awesome person you can imagine hanging out with so you take her for granted.  Even as a kid I liked Veronica better.  And in the comics Veronica is frankly not nearly as decent a person as she is on the show, so it is one of those things you know it a mistake but you are into it anyway.  Like, every ounce of you knows Betty would be the perfect girlfriend.  She’s supportive, kind, well adjusted, smart, sweet, funny, and almost any other positive you can think of.  And in the episode I watched someone referred to her as the perfect girl next door and she said she hated that phrase.  And I get it.  Besides the fact that it stops her from being a person and an idea, it also makes it easy to forget even human beings who seem pretty great and happy have real problems, too.  They have more depth than that.  But… I think it’s why Lili Reinhart hasn’t shown up here yet despite her beauty and my clear obsession with the show.  Because it’s wrapped up in some age old Whore vs Madonna stuff that is buried deep in the cultural consciousness.  Betty is the girl you marry.  Lili Reinhart plays the girl who would just be great to be around and is awesome so… I’m going to take her for granted and focus my attention elsewhere.  Anyway, in the episode I watched she sang Happy Birthday and it was a little sexy.  Uncomfortably sexy for Happy Birthday but that’s a whole other thing that has slowly infected the culture (thanks Marilyn).  Anyway, it was kind of hot and she is great and frankly her twitter and stuff during episodes is amazing so it’s really past time Lili got her due.  Today I want to fuck Lili Reinhart.

Pixie Lott has pink hair which is a bit odd for me.  See, Pink Hair is a thing I am supposed to love and by those who know me personally is one of my “things”. Like, we’re talking since before Tumblr exists.  Before social media was a thing. Back to high school kind of thing.  But… I don’t think I quite like it on Pixie Lott.  I don’t hate it or anything, it just doesn’t’ look quite right to me.  Which is strange because my typical reaction to Pixie Lott is that she is so pretty she can’t be real.  And I think maybe that is part of this, we have this thing where when someone is really pretty, or pretty in a certain way (I have noticed a good smile leads to this), we consider them a natural beauty.  As opposed I guess to an unnatural beauty?  An infernal beauty?  A supernatural beauty?  There are so many things that are not natural I am not sure what this natural beauty is set up to be a comparison against.  And i realize that might be why my brain is rebelling,t he pink seems a little wrong because Pixie Lott is a “natural beauty” in the recesses of my brain.  The problem with this is of course that the idea of natural beauty is one of the biggest pieces of horseshit out there.  I mean, she’s almost always wearing make up.  I bet she puts at least a few minutes thought into what she’s wearing, you can tell because her shoes always match each other.  If she just stumbled outside and it all fell together you know she’d be wearing two difference shoes at least once.  And, well let me preface this with saying I cannot know for certain, all knowledge is just human opinion, yadda yadda yadda, but I am going to go out on a limb and say I am 99.9% certain that even when she is blonde she does something to her hair.  I just have huge doubts that she literally rolls out of bed with her hair looking like that.  None of that changes that my brain is like, “I dunno about this pink hair. Doesn’t quite look right.  Looks… unnatural”.  It’s just dumb, pink occurs in nature all the time.  Like with uh… cotton candy.  Fuck.  Well, you get my point. Anyway, she is beautiful and so I am posting her cause even with the pink hair I saw some pics of her leaving various British thing (British Celebrities are always leaving or arriving at TV shows or radio shows) and she looked amazing.  So here she is because today I want to fuck Pixie Lott.

Here is Candice Swanepoel who is getting back to work post baby and that is kind of exciting.  She came up yesterday in a discussion with my dear friend @wildflagsure.  I happen to find Candice attractive but my friend does not because she said she, “Probably can’t even put someone in a decent headlock”.  I find that to be a strange standard for beauty but you know, to each their own.  I happen to think Candice Swanepoel is very pretty.  I have to modulate what I say a little bit, I don’t want to give her false hope since it’s pretty well documented at this point that she has been trying to seduce me for years, what with the classic hard to get tactics of getting engaged and having a baby and starting a family.  I of course cleverly see through this, just like I used to see through the so called ‘catalogs" that were full of pictures of her in her underwear she used to send to my house. I do have to admit, she is very pretty though.  And I do look forward to her doing more work.  And you know, I bet she could do at least a passable headlock.  She seems pretty capable to me.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

Here is Pigeon Foo cause I guess it’s that kind of day.  If you don’t know where to find her you can finder her here @pigeonfoo and like 300 other places but that’ll get you started.  Enjoy a trip down the rabbit hole I guess if she is new to you but I feel like most people reading this must know her at this point because I have posted her a bunch, she will likely reblog this so most of you will be reading it on her blog, and at the very least you have heard about the time she lassoed a twister and used it to vacuum up the trash after an epic party.  Or the time she fought a bear.  They made am movie about that one staring Leonardo DiCaprio.  A lot of the movies you’ve seen are of course based off of Foo’s life: Star Wars, Bonnie and Clyde, Conan the Destroyer, et al.  Which characters were based on her?  All of them of course.  She’s pretty humble about it though so I’ll excuse you for not knowing.  On top of all her adventures fighting Ninja Pirates and stuff, she also models.  And she’s pretty damn good at it.  So, here are pictures of her.  If you didn’t know there is probably one or two naked pictures of her on the internet as well.  You might have to look a while but you’ll find them.  Today I want to fuck Pigeon Foo.