Tag: blonde

I can’t believe I am posting Kate Upton for the third time in 8 days.  I mean, I am sure some of you can believe it cause I have that reputation but it’s not 2012 anymore.  It is like a trip backwards in time.  Whatever is going on I am glad because she has looked great recently and more importantly she’s back to showing up all the time.  This is a good thing.  It wasn’t like I stopped posting her cause I was mad, she just showed up less often because she showed up less often everywhere.  So it’s only a good thing, even if it’ll just be for the next week or so, that she is suddenly popping up constantly for me.  I give it my thumbs up.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Kate Upton is back in this year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue and thank god.  I mean, it wasn’t painful without her but Kate’s best work is often in a swimsuit so I missed her last year.  It seems a lot of people did because she’s currently trending on twitter.  Ranking above the fact that our President and his advisors colluded with the Russians.  Jesus, this country used to hate communism more than anything, even more than it loved boobs.  Better red than dead, guys.  Have you seen the Soviet Swimsuit Issue?  No, you haven’t. It’s the Soviet Parka edition because all it does is snow in Russia and that’s all that’ll happen here if we give in to this horseshit.  Better dead than red, guys. And before someone sends me something about the fall of communism I would like to point out that first of all, I don’t care.  Second of all, better dead than red just sounds better than better dead than the cronies of a oligarcic kleptocracy run by a former KGB agent turned Autocrat.  Anyway, Fiji sure is pretty to look at huh?  Well you know what, I agree but the Russians don’t.  They will take away Fiji and Kate Upton’s boobs if they get the chance.  Do you want that? No?  Then go buy a subscription to the Washington Post, it’s only like $3 on amazon.  I went with only picture from the Swimsuit issue today because sometimes in rare cases I do that.  I did that because I think Kate looked great this year.  I have heard some complaints that it is similar to previous years from her but she looked great in those years so the transitive property means she looks great this year, too.  So here she is looking great. Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone.  I hope you have a good one.  Like regardless of your relationship status or anything like that.  I know some people can really feel the drag of this day.  Believe me I know.  The ghosts of past relationships and unkissed kisses can haunt your life and you can feel them starting to take on substance to drag you down.  The dull ache can turn into a throb.  I get it, it can be hard and if you’re in that spot you have my sincerest sympathies.  It’s tough.  But it gets better.  Time heals all wounds and all of that. I mean, the real truth is if your past relationship didn’t work there was a reason and you might be miserable now but it’s a misery that will pass and get better with time.  Being in a bad relationship?  That’s a misery that continues as long as the relationship does.  You can fight and fight but you’re just going to hang on to something that makes you unhappy.  So what I am saying is you’re in a better place now than you were before, so hang on to that.  Besides, being single has it’s perks.  Not that you came her for any of that, I am just saying guys, I know today can fuck with people and if you’re one of those people I am sorry.  If you need someone to talk to you can message me.  But it isn’t so bad. I mean, look, if you feel really bad about not being with someone I want you to close your eyes and imagine yourself in a small cafe on the south bank.  The air is crisp and clean and the only thing that keeps the moment from being entirely peaceful is the couple off to the right desperately trying to redefine their relationship as they turn their relationship into a self-perpetuating misery machine of their own making.  Now open your eyes.  See, being single is great. Also I mean, you can just buy yourself a box of damn candies and eat the entire fucking thing.  Who are you trying to impress?  That said, here is Blake Lively. She wore a dress with hearts on it and that feels like Valentines Day to me. Also she’s beautiful.  Today I want to fuck Blake Lively.

The Grammys are this weekend and that should make for an exciting evening of pictures tomorrow night but earlier this weekend we are getting some Grammys related stuff.  Kate Upton was at a thing honoring Tom Petty and I endorse all parts of that, that Tom Petty is great and Kate Upton showing up at things.  I actually kinda liked her dress which is why she is here.  I realize “kinda like” is maybe not the highest praise but you know it’s good, I like it, it isn’t the dress of the year or anything.  It’s more one of those where I kinda dig it but can’t entirely put my finger on what it is.  And I’ll be honest, I have different standards for different people.  Not that I am cutting the tall, busty blonde woman a break cause she has it so hard looking good but you know, her red carpet stuff is sometimes not my favorite stuff.  So I probably like the stuff that is good more than I would for some people who tend to knock it out of the park on the red carpet.  The bigotry of low expectations I guess but in this case it’s in a situation that basically doesn’t matter.  I am rambling.  Sorry, I have slept about 5 total hours since Wednesday.  I am a mess.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

So there was an amFar Gala last night and that’s always good.  It’s a good cause.  It tends to get nice looking people nicely dressed and gathered into a single place.  So, good news all around.  And there were indeed some options to choose from last night.  Victoria Justice’s dress was fantastic.  I loved it.  She was almost here. But you know… it turns out Scarlett Johansson is beautiful. And, you know, I like a good tux.  But mostly it’s the fact that she’s beautiful. Given I have posted her almost 50 times you think I would have figured it out before now.  Oh well, I am here to break the news.  Scarlett Johansson is beautiful.  And you know, she’s single now again and I have had a thing for her since like 2001.  So, you know… look, I know it’s a slim shot but what I am saying is given her situation and my situation, if I play my cards right I can probably end up with a restraining order put on me.  It’s a dream at least. Today I want to fuck Scarlett Johansson.

Here is Alexis Ren mainly just cause she has shown up in a bunch of campaigns of late and I think she is doing excellent work.  I really like what I have seen and obviously she’s attractive and it’s just that simple.  Like, I don’t know that it is going to drive me to buy jewelry or make up but hey, you never know.  Maybe ColourPop will stick around in my head and I won’t even know why when I am buying stacks of lipstick in two months.  I am not saying Alexis Ren is part of a Capitalist conspiracy to send subliminal suggestions directly into my brain, I am just saying I am an easily influenced idiot.  I will watch the Superbowl and there will be 100 McDonald’s commercials and Monday I will be craving a Big Mac.  And all day Monday I will go, “That’s so strange, I don;’t even like McDonald’s, oh well, no reason to fight it”.  So, you know, if you see me wearing a bunch of rings soon you’ll know why.  Also, say hi, it’s creepy that you can see what I am wearing and I am unaware of it.  Today I want to fuck Alexis Ren.

Hey everybody, it’s my dear friend Katherine’s birthday which is a really important day cause I am really glad she was born.  Now, she doesn’t have a tumblr (though she will read this) so I can’t link you a place and demand you send her birthday wishes but like.. mentally do so.  Maybe she’ll get them?  I mean, I’m kind of an expert on England because I real a lot of Captain Britain comics when I was a kid and I know it’s imbued with lots of fairy magic so it seems reasonable that maybe all people in England have magical powers?  Maybe it’s one of hers.  I mean, it would just make sense, British people are so emotive anyway, right?  That’s uh… well, I can’t figure out a way to make that sound even remotely accurate so here is Pixie Lott, who is magically beautiful and also her name is Pixie, which is kind of like a fairy but not really.  It’s all very confusing because of those Victorians and their need to tie everything together because they deeply wanted to believe that legends had some root in factual history.  Wow, this was in real danger of getting side tracked again because of my love of showing how smart I am folklore and history.  Anyway, I wouldn’t even know who Pixie Lott is if it were not for Katherine and both are among my favorite sort of thing, blonde British women with Birthdays in the past week.  So here is Pixie Lott and happy birthday Katherine.  Today I want to fuck Pixie Lott.

So the Winter X-Games are going on this weekend and I watched a bunch cause…. well, I really like most of the sports that happen in the Winter X-Games and I have become a fan of a few of the sports in particular.  So here is Silje Norendal who shows up here roughly once a year when she shows up at some major Snowboarding event that is actually televised.  She is one of the top at women’s Slopestyle in the world and that sort of thing always impresses me, even though she didn’t reach the podium yesterday.  It only takes one slip after all.  I am blown away by what they can do.  And in her case it helps that she is just ridiculously beautiful.  Every time she showed up on screen it was like, oh right, she is fucking amazing to look at.  Who looks like that?  In the freezing cold?  My face would be a mess.  Hers is a delight.  Today I want to fuck Silje Norendal.

I guess first of all Happy Australia Day to all my Australian followers.  I am not really aware of any Australian followers I have anymore but once upon a time I had quite a few notable ones (I hope you’re ok Rose.  I still think of you sometimes) but they all disappeared one way or another.  Anyway, I am not posting an Australian not because of any specific reason other than that’s how it happens sometimes, I don’t have a ton of control over it.  I mean, I do, I choose, but I am a slave to my own integrity.  Anyway, hey, Americans confuse Australians for British all the time and I am sure you guys love that, so just pretend I did that here.  The National Television Awards were in the UK last night and I am always so glad they just call them that, rather than distinguish them as British because that’s what we’d do here in America.  Though we’d probably call them the World Television awards and make only network shows aired in the US eligible, but my point is there is no reason to distinguish for awards in your country, it would be silly.  So I like it even though I am sure some people get confused.  I saw Holly’s dress last night actually and quite liked it and saw her smiling this morning and new I was picking her.  She checks off what are apparently my biggest things which is blonde and British.  I guess we all have a type.  You know, it makes me look unique and interesting, like when other douche bags in America pretend to like soccer.  Same thing.  Anyway, she looked great and so today I want to fuck Holly Willoughby.

The People’s Choice Awards were last night and I thought Blake Lively looked fantastic.  Now, I think looking at her dress, some people will not be as down with the fringeness as I am and by people I mean I have a few specific friends in mind but I don’t mind the fringe.  I really like the cut of the dress and hey, it sparkles.  Her shoes are kinda great, too.  She looks fantastic.  And she’s pretty.  So she’s here.  Today I want to fuck Blake Lively.