Tag: blonde

I finally got to see Under the Skin and Scarlett Johansson is easily in the most interesting stretch of her career ever.  I wasn’t really sure what to expect with this movie because I knew the basics of it but I also knew that the internet basically turned it into just poor quality screenshots of Scarlett Johansson naked.  I also was talking to someone last week who told me the movie was just a Species rip off where nothing happens.  I can say after having watched it this is the opinion of a deeply boring person.  This was interesting, as a lot of her work has been, because it sticks with you afterwards.  I am still uncertain how I feel about it.  As someone who watches a lot of disposable media I really appreciate this.  I mean, I watch just a ton of really, really bad movies that follow rote plots and you know I have to check my letterboxd account to see if I have seen stuff before because I certainly can’t remember it.  To me the greatest thing art can do is affect you.  So for me even if I am left wondering if a movie is good or not  the fact that I am still thinking about it later is thrilling, unpacking what it means.  At it’s core this is a deeply strange movie but much like the wonderful Her I would say it’s about isolation.  Maybe a little about loneliness.  Maybe alienation is the best word.  I enjoyed watching it, I am not sure if I think it was good or just noteworthy.  I also question the alertness of Scottish men since Scarlett Johansson just shows up in a van, picks them up, vaguely flirt and they don’t seem to bat an eye.  Cause, you know, some of this was filmed with hidden cameras and real people.  I guess that sort of thing is just common over there.  Whatever the reason I am still thinking about the movie and I am still thinking about Scarlett Johansson, who you may know I am a fan of.  A big fan.  And today I want to fuck Scarlett Johansson.

I have noted many times before that one day I am going to have Kristen Bell’s babies.  Now, some nay sayers point out that’s not how human anatomy works or it is “medically impossible” or “this is a restraining order, Ms. Bell would like you to cease making the same joke about her you’ve been making since 2004 and could you stay at least 500 feet away”.  You know, people who are afraid to dream big.  The only reason I bring this up is because she is pregnant again which always makes me dream seem just a slight bit less likely.  A slight bit.  Anyway, she’s here today mainly because I saw the funny or die video yesterday.  If you don’t know the one it’s right here.  It was funny and it’s kind of remarkable how good she is at being Mary Poppins.  It was funny.  She is funny.  And talented.  And beautiful.  Sigh… she’s great.  And yes, I knew it was her birthday the other day.  I didn’t post her because I almost never do that.  Like my birthday sure.  Her birthday?  I’m arrogant but I’m not that arrogant.  Can you imagine that birthday card, “Happy Birthday, I’d totally give it to you.  YOU’RE WELCOME!"  Seems maybe a little presumptuous about your own attractiveness.  And this is about her attractiveness.  Which is totally high.  Today I want to fuck Kristen Bell.

In general I am not prone to rage on the internet because in general I assume I am smarter than everyone else and thus if someone is wrong about something I take it in stride.  They aren’t as smart as me.  They don’t know any better.  That’s nothing to get angry about.  I had a dog once who used to grab a squeaky chew toy, make it squeak, and then run away in fear.  I wasn’t angry he couldn’t ever figure out that he should stop that, he was trying the best he could.  That’s my long, condescending way of implying everyone who disagrees with me is a moron.  You’re welcome to disagree but I would say reread the beginning of this post again.  Now there are a few things that do anger me though, despite the zen like cool that comes with running a blog about what celebrities I find attractive I am only human.  The first is when I am following people and I see them getting hate.  My example in this case would be the forever lovely and wonderful pleasestopbeingsad who basically spends her time drawing pictures to make people happy and somehow this means a subset of the internet feels obliged to message her and tell her they hate her.  Because you guys can really be a bag full of dicks.  The other thing that makes me mad is probably best represented by Kate Upton.  Probably because I see it with her the most.  People feel the need to call her fat all the fucking time.  Or ugly sometimes.  Usually they talk about how fat she is.  Which is of course a level of dipshitery I can’t even begin to comprehend.  Now, Kate Upton herself doesn’t need me to defend her.  I wish she did, I’ll admit it would be nice if I could save her from Ninjas and then whisk her away to a palace made of diamonds and we could eat hamburgers and laugh at all the idiots on the internet raging about her being too fat to be a model.  But I lam like… 75% sure that won’t ever happen.  It makes me mad though not just because it is ridiculously inaccurate but because it is the internet at it’s nastiest.  Which is people hiding behind their anonymity to be dicks and do what they can to make people feel bad.  See, people who call her fat aren’t just calling her fat, they’re calling whole swaths of the population fat and they’re doing it because they are cocks.  You can tell they are cocks because if you don’t like something and your decision is not to walk away and find something you do like but instead attack that thing and more importantly result to personal insults, you are a cocks.  Trust me, I know, I spend time reading about etymology, I know how words work.  It all stems from the Germanic Root word Kocke which means heap of dung or anonymous internet commenter.  More disappointing is how at least in the circles I travel it is largely women who feel the need to say her thighs are fat or she is “well marbled”.  Disappointing because I think everyone is used to men treating women badly, there’s a whole field of study with literally millions of examples of that.  I would hope at least for a little solidarity rather than cattiness though.  Or maybe not, it probably shouldn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman, you should try not being a cock.  My point is really a few things, if people seem to like things and you don’t, that’s fine, be you.  You don’t actually need to rage against that thing.  You can if you think it’s important but it’s fine to walk away.  It is never fine to just be a mean spirited asshole, just trying to hurt people.  Here’s a secret, it reveals you to be the sad, miserable person you are.  I know you think you scored one, be it sending hate mail to sweet cartoonists on tubmlr or spewing your rage about a celebrity across the internet but you didn’t win anything.  Anyone with any maturity and experience is just going to see you for what you are.  Besides, you are wrong, Kate Upton is gorgeous.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

I have a friend who gently teases me for my love of shiny things.  Well, maybe I do the teasing but she has noticed I tend to like shiny dresses and such and I realize that makes me sound like a drooling idiot, like I am staring at my monitor and going, “Oooooo, Shiny!"  But I do like shiny clothing.  And maybe it all stems from the shiniest of all superheroes, Alison Blaire, better known as the Dazzler.  Now, unfortunately she is largely seen as a joke by a lot of the comics community, which is a shame.  Her original disco costume is especially mocked which is also a shame because I love it!  Of course, sometimes I realize my taste in X-Men may not conform to popular standards since I am very tired of Wolverine (common among older X-fans) and the Australia era where she was part of the team is one of my favorite (the only time I actually see this era references is with something like, "Most people hate the Australian era but I like it”).  The real shame though is that Dazzler is your typical complex and interesting X-Woman and people seem to have no clue because they just kind of go “Ugh, Disco”.  I fully get that but it ignores that she is one of the few X-Men a successful solo series and the only one who had a solo series as her starting point and only later joined the team.  I sadly haven’t seen much of her in recent years because I am no longer the type of nerd who reads every X-title.  Mainly because I don’t have time but also it was easier when there were fewer than 20 a month.  I haven’t liked the little I have seen where they have written her as a ditzy pop star.  The Dazzler I remember was someone who set out to follow her dreams, as unrealistic as those dreams were, and as silly as they were because disco was totally dead by the time her book launched.  That just added depth, she was going after what she wanted to do and it didn’t really matter what anyone told her.  She had resolve and she was tough and she was totally shiny.  I mean, her power is to make pretty lights and sparkles.  And she fought Doctor Doom and Galactus with pretty lights and sparkles.  Not to mention no one was on that Australian team who wasn’t tough as nails.  She was awesome.  So today I want to fuck Dazzler.

I suffer from severe game show envy.  Like the UK still seems to have them and we don’t.  Not really.  It’s not like it was when I was a kid and if I stayed home from school I could watch game shows all morning until TV started to suck hard in the afternoon with all the Soap Operas. But man, there were some sweet game shows on during the day, like I love Classic Concentration.  I had to look it up but luckily Googling Alex Trebek lead me to the answer.  I have to say it sounds horrible but i remember loving it.  And it was paired with a Scrabble game show.  And yes actually paired with it because these were not syndicated shows, these were NBC shows.  Because the TV landscape was different and networks actually programmed all day and with things like game shows.  Anyway, the UK still has them.  I guess they are mostly panel shows which skew more comedy than game but it’s still a thing.  From what I can see.  Honestly most of my impression of the UK is filtered through the internet and friends and like Britpop.  But I know every word of Common People so I am basically an expert.  Anyway, I have tried watching Countdown and have seen a little but it is a ton of work for an American to see it because England doesn’t want us to see it.  Which they must realize is only going to make us want it more.  You can’t just tell me I can’t watch it in my country.  This is a whole lot of rambling to get to Rachel Riley who I have been informed is a mathematical genius.  That is pretty hot if I am going to be honest.  Not because I am way into math or anything, sorry nerds, I was too busy wearing leather jackets and being a bad ass for that nerd shit.  Or more honestly I was better than average at math but it was never my thing in part because I was too busy not wearing leather jackets but rushing through my homework to read Dragon Lance novels in junior high.  It’s always hot when someone is good at something and it’s extra hot when someone is really good at something I am not really good at.  And she’s pretty.  And England is doing all in it’s power to keep me from seeing her.  Which now makes me think she has used her genius math brain to trick me into wanting her.  Which is pretty hot.  So today I want to fuck Rachel Riley.

Here is Pixie Lott because I said so.  I guess that is actually the pure reasoning for every single post I make but today I am feeling a little tired.  I shouldn’t be, I went to bed last night and slept for like 10 straight hours. I only even woke up then because someone called me and woke me up.  I feel like a teenager or something.  So I chose Pixie Lott cause I was like man, who will I post today and she popped into my mind.  Probably because I like thinking about her because she’s pretty.  That works for me, you know me and British girls.  Today I want to fuck Pixie Lott.

I kind of feel bad admitting that I am watching a new show on here because so many wonderful people have suggested new shows to me and I feel like I am slighting them by not watching those shows instead.  It isn’t you, it’s me.  See, I can hear something is critically acclaimed, I can be told I’d love it, until I somehow get the desire to actually watch it?  No force can make me watch it.  I’m a completist so a new TV show is a big commitment because if I don’t like it I could be sitting through hours of horrible TV.  I have a problem.  Anyway, I started watching Bates Motel on a late night whim.  I had heard good things but I was so distrustful of the core concept.  I am glad to say it is way, way better than a show about a teenage Norman Bates has any right to be.  I was torn though, again not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings, as to who I would end up posting first from the show.  I figured it would depend on mood (that mood is not blonde or brunette, that isn’t a mood) as to who it was.  But I really like both of these actresses on the show, I think they do a good job, one as sort of a sweet, vulnerable girl you want to just give a big hug to and tell it’s going to be ok and the other as the sexy girl with a good heart, who I guess maybe you also want to hug?  :You know, let’s not talk about how you want to touch them and move on.  They are both very attractive and I couldn’t decide because I didn’t want to slight anyone.  So yes, I am posting two girls today for their sake.  Because I’m just such a good person.  I don’t want to say I am the Mother Teresa of pervy internet posts but… well, when I’m canonized you can reblog this post and say I was such a good person.  Anyway, they are both gorgeous and I like what I have seen of their work so far and so today I want to fuck Nicola Peltz and Olivia Cooke.

I was talking to my dear tumblr friend femalecelebrityoftheday yesterday because he posted Katharine Isabelle who is one of those people I absolutely love but is pretty hyper obscure.  She is best known to the horror community and that’s because she has made some excellent horror movies.  I was suggesting some of her work that would be good too watch but my dear friend femalecelebrityoftheday (who I have now tagged twice and also has a second blog fcotdreblogs so with these super easy links you should probably just go to those blogs and click follow because they are definitely followable blogs) does not really care for horror.  It was mentioned though that he likes a lot of the girls I post from horror and it’s a shame because he’d like to see them in more.  This got me thinking about that because there are a number of girls I hold very dear to my heart who I first noticed in horror movies.  The obvious ones to spring to mind from horror and horror related things were Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Katie Cassidy.  Both have far moved past their run of horror themed TV shows and mid 2000’s horror movies.  That happens, that is good.  That is a very long way to get me to Jenny Wade who somehow I didn’t think of despite the fact that I completely love Jenny Wade.  Jenny Wade is fantastic.  The first thing I ever saw her in was Feast, which is not really a horror movie I would mark as a must see but it was pretty solid.  I think it may have a wider reach than a lot of horror since it came from Project Greenlight.  Was that a popular show?  I don’t know, I never watched it but the movie sprung from that.  Jenny Wade was in it and very pretty.  She was basically in her underwear the entire time and covered in blood so if that’s your thing… well, go ahead and watch the movie but if that combination is your thing it might be the sort of thing you keep just to yourself and a small circle of friends.  Probably the better introduction I can give to her is her twitter, which can be found here.  If you have a twitter account and don’t follow her you’re doing twitter wrong because she is ridiculously funny.  When she still tweets.  Also you might want to check out the Good Guys, her Fox show with a very short run.  But you know, Bradley Whitford is in it and just brilliant as he is want to be (side note, I rewatched Adventures in Babysitting a few months ago, did you know Bradley Whitford plays the dreamboat college boyfriend in that?  Mind blown.  People were younger once and age!!!)  And she was very good in it and it’s on Netflix and… and…  just… she’s great, she was in Mad Men recently but largely just doesn’t show up very often.  You can tell because like all these pictures are from 2010.  I can’t help it, there just isn’t much to be had which sucks because she is gorgeous and talented and I adore her. On the plus side her tag is always dead so once I post this it’ll be the first result to show up for like months and everyone can see me say today I want to fuck Jenny Wade.

Today is the day I officially became an old person.  No, it’s not my birthday or anything, I woke up with a painful Charley Horse in my right leg.  I guess this has happened at some other point in my life but it is basically a new sensation for me, so I Google it.  Upon doing so I discovered that, “Nighttime Charley Horses are common among the elderly.  Up to 60% of elderly people have been woken up by a Charley Horse in the last two months”.  So there we go, I’m elderly.  So I am posting Amanda Seyfried today because she is super pretty.  I remember once upon a time when she was a fresh young face and I would go, “Man, Lily Kane is pretty hot”.  You see, Lily Kane was the name of her character on what in those days was called a moving picture show.  We watched them on our tube based moving picture boxes.  That was how one watched entertainment back then, not like today with you kids and your internet and watching them on your iPads or your skateboards.  I can’t remember how long ago that was, see because I am old and old people forget all sorts of stuff.  All i remember for sure was to watch her on my tele-vision device I had to walk 10 miles through the snow uphill.  Eventually though I’d sit down and warm my hands on the side of the box and watch, commercials and all.  And I would think, “That girl Amanda Seyfried is mighty attractive.  I sure would like to take her to a sock hop or out for malted beverages”.  And I still think that but today I’d do it on some sort of fancy future jetpack and end up breaking my poor, old hip.  So while I still have a few breaths in me today I want to fuck Amanda Seyfried.

I am like 99% sure I had never heard of Rachel Riley before a month ago.  I guess maybe I had and didn’t notice because once she was pointed out I was like, wow, she’s all over the internet.  Or at least the portion of the internet I frequent.  That happens a lot, how someone will be brought to my attention and I swear I have never seen them before in my life but now that I am aware of them they pop up all over the place (this is called the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon and it is a cognitive bias, if you were curious).  Anyway, I had a friend say, “I think you’d like her dress on 8 out of 10 Cats tonight” and like a lot of the time when British People talk to me I was pretty sure she was fucking with me and just making shit up because those words didn’t actually make sense together.  Long story short though, it’s a TV show, I watched the episode, I did like her dress and she was cute.  I knew she’d show up eventually because you know, blonde and British, it’s a thing with me. Sometimes you wake up and you just have a British blonde on the mind.  And by you I mean me because it might only happen to me.  But it does.  Besides, it’s always nice when I post someone brand new, it’s good that I have UK scouts to keep me updated like that.  I could still use scouts in other countries though so you know if you want my submit box is open for resumes.  Anyway, she is pretty and pleasant and her show was silly and fun and today I want to fuck Rachel Riley.