Tag: blonde

It is Sunday and these are pictures of Kate Upton.  These are facts.  It is important to point out generally these are the only facts contained in this post.  Everything else is opinion.  It is important to bring this up because the tags for models can be some of the nastiest places on earth.  It’s a little stunning.  And there are a lot assertions or personal preferences thrown around like they are fact, or at the very least handed down from on high with stone tablets.  (A lot of statements that start with “Everyone knows…” or “I am sick of people not realizing…” and other such tings followed by opinion like, “Person X is too trashy for high fashion” or “Model Y is a flash in the pan and only shallow people like her” or, you know, “Kate Upton is fat/ugly/untalented”).  Now, I would like to tell you to just cut that shit out, tearing down things you don’t like is lazy and easy and frankly serves no purpose.  Better for you and all of us if you spend time building up what you do like.  In general you should create not destroy.  Especially when it comes to things that just don’t matter.  Like if other people like a celebrity or not.  A little soap boxy on my end but it is just so tired.  I can tell you from the perspective of years passed that yeah, when I was 13 I thought being snarky was super cool, too.  I also thought deep down Laurel in my English class like-liked me because she smiled at me and asked me for help, you, you know, I was a moron. Those are all my opinion by the way.  Some opinions hold more weight and value than others due to being more thought out or having expertise behind them but they are opinions.  My opinion is that Kate Upton is quite stunning and has a charm to her that I find enchanting .  My final fact of the day is that today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

If you know me, or just have been following me for a while, you will know I have a complicated relationship with Taylor Swift.  Maybe relationship is the wrong word, I don’t want to start rumors, anyone else and that would be just a word but with her it could start rumors we have dated.  Which is kind of part of the complication.  Most people who know me would know I would say I am not particularly attracted to Taylor Swift, that I find her annoying.  This was very true once upon a time.  This is also the 10th time I have posted her so it kind of bellies the idea that I find her unattractive.  But the narrative that most of the internet latches onto of her life is what annoyed me about her for years.  I found her music especially grating, a thing I couldn’t put my finger on (I tried, too.  I have gone into detail).  Something about her private life was bothersome.  But… I don’t know anymore, maybe I turned a corner eventually because at some point I started to feel bad that everyone was piling onto her.  Like once the idea coalesced that she was a serial dater slut shaming “nice girl” I started to see cracks in all of that.  There are valid criticisms of her work and I suppose her but it strikes me as unfair to judge young women who grow up in the media spotlight.  We all made a lot of dipshit mistakes at 19.  I wore some stupid clothes trying to find some sort of identity.  There were people who slept around a lot.  There were people who didn’t sleep with anyone.  There were people who became communists for a month and Buddhists the next when I was in college. It is part of growing up.  So if Miley Cyrus seems to perpetually feel the need to show off that she gets bikini waxes that’s fine, she’s young.  Taylor Swift spent quite a few years manufacturing romances, dating people for very little time, acting like her minor relationships weer epic romances, and then scorching the Earth afterwards with bitter songs… well,it isn’t any worse than when my friend Nate started smoking a pipe so he could have a “thing”, it’s just more public.  More importantly, she hasn’t done that in a while.  Maybe she will again, maybe she is that sad bitter person who doesn’t get how poorly it reflects on someone to always trash their exes.  Or maybe she is different now.  I don’t know but this is the place I am at, where I feel bad when I still see posts criticizing Taylor Swift’s love life popping up.  They can be funny but they are snarky and lazy.  None of that is why she’s here, that’s just me rambling because I can’t sleep. She’s just here because I still am not that attracted to her most of the time.  Except sometimes I am.  I still don’t know what flips that switch but it has been flipped right now and so today I want to fuck Taylor Swift.

The last 24 hours have been a collection of “Oh, I am totally going to end up posting this girl tomorrow” moments.  That’s the problem with a once daily blog, it isn’t always entirely true to it’s title because if it was I would just post a list of like 10 people some days and go, “Hey, here was 9 AM to 10:30.  Then I saw that picture of that girl and that took me through 11 until…”.  So like at 8 PM yesterday I was convinced this was going to be Community inspired.  Then there was other stuff.  Then other stuff.  Anyway, it isn’t entirely stunning that Scarlett Johansson won out because she is gorgeous and well, I have posted her a ton at this point, including my first ever post.  And even if the new Captain America sucks I feel like it has already given us so much, this staggered premiere showings across the world thing is fantastic because every few days it means more Scarlett Johansson.  And that is a good thing.  So here is to Scarlett and the wonderful red carpet pictures we’re getting and for her winning the royal rumble in my brain.  Today I want to fuck Scarlett Johansson.

Here is Scarlett Johansson who really should have been posted earlier in the week but she kept popping up into my thoughts after I had already posted that day.  I guess some people are more of a late afternoon type thing?  Like… I never drink soda before noon and rarely do I drink coffee after noon.  There is no reason for this it is just that coffee feels like a morning drink, soda sounds vile at 9 AM.  Now… that isn’t a perfect analogy because there is no time Scarlett Johansson feels vile, I just know it has been late afternoon she has popped into my head every day since Thursday.  Always after a I posted.  And she has worked hard because I assume everyone saw the boob show she put on at the Captain America Premiere.  I would usually be more circumspect but boob show just feels the most accurate here.  Even the perpetually reserved and polite femalecelebrityoftheday came as close to mentioning it as possible yesterday.  It was a thing, we’re all aware.  And she is amazing looking.  And look, today she is here well before noon, so good job?  Look, I am rambling, I do that sometimes, the point is I am super attracted to Scarlett (she is the first person I ever posted on this blog) and today I want to fuck Scarlett Johansson.

I was pretty sure I was going to post Kirsten Bell yesterday because I figured Veronica Mars movie, I’d watch that and then bam, Kristen Bell.  But then my digital download didn’t show up.  And didn’t show up.  And so… I am posting Kristen Bell today.  Because I have seen the movie now and I loved it and more importantly she was of course amazing in it.  She is just amazing on screen as Veronica.  And she was so gorgeous and obviously I love Veronica Mars and I love Kristen Bell and I could go on and on about that again but I’d just be repeating myself.  Easier to just get to the point and say today I want to fuck Kristen Bell.

Candice Swanepoel keeps showing up in pictures lately that make me go, “Wow”.  Then somehow I don’t post her.  Christmas doesn’t really count because that was more a bunch of old pics of her dressed for Christmas and a whole thing. Ditto for Valentines Day.  It is this cool sort of distance I keep from her that leads to her obsession with me, a fact I have repeatedly talked about on this blog.  I know you guys believe me because not a single person has bothered to send me a message to refute it.  Your silence is tacit agreement that Candice Swanepoel is deeply attracted to me.  Thus all the catalogs and emails and stuff that get sent right to me with her in her underwear.  Today it is definitely working because it’s like, oh yeah, she is totally hot.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

Believe it or not I posted Jennifer Ellison once like a million years ago.  Or like 18 months ago according to actual time and facts.  It was a long time ago then.  It was pretty much out of the blue then as well.  I have no good reason for it, I have very little exposure to her but I get the impression she is a low level celebrity in the UK, so even if I had ready access to her work I wouldn’t see a lot of her.  But the one thing I saw her in was good, I enjoyed it.  So when she pops up randomly on the internet in front of me I am glad.  Really what I know about her is she has big boobs, she is blonde, and she is British.  At least two of those things are known to be my “thing” at this point.  Really, people who have known me for a long time and read this tease me about it.  Blame a friend of mine for starting me down this road, it’s her fault.  Anyway, she is pretty, she is busty, she is… blonde-y.  Today I want to fuck Jennifer Ellison.

I knew I was going to end up posting Kristen Bell at some point this week.  Not just because she’s beautiful but because Veronica Mars comes out this Friday, which means she is at all sorts of premiers and stuff, meaning this week is going to be like Kristen Bell Christmas, I’ll get more new pictures of her this week than the rest of the year.  So I knew that.  Then I saw how she looked at the New York premier of the movie.  Then I saw how she looked on the Tonight show.  Then I knew she was getting posted today because wow.  She looked so good, just amazing.  And guys, if you somehow didn’t know I love Kristen Bell.  She is the best.  Just the best.  So today I want to fuck Kristen Bell.

When I was a kid there was a nice old guy who lived up the street and he drove and El Camino.  I kind of thought El Caminos were crazy awesome looking and I didn’t get why adults would always kind of chuckle in an, “One of those? Wow, go figure” sort of way when they would see it.  Anyway, he was very nice, he was good with tools, he helped me build a bird house once when I became obsessed with building birdhouses.  Emilia Clarke has had a lot of really good photo shoots appear lately and that first picture I posted really took a hold of me and I wasn’t sure why at first until I realized that I’m mostly sure she’s leaning on an El Camino.  I didn’t consciously realize it but my subconscious must have, nostalgia is a powerful drug and built into our very core as humans.  It starts from our creation myths on, the world used to be a paradise but now that’s lost.  Things used to be better.  The great driving force of the middle ages was an attempt to recapture the stability and wonder of a lost Roman Empire, some of that glory real, some imagined.  We all know old people so happy to tell us that the world has turned to shit and isn’t the utopia it was when they were kids.  So the fact that some of her photos have been retro-tinged feels like part of the appeal.  The instagramification of photography makes sense in general because of that but it especially makes sense for an actress who plays a girl trying to reform a kingdom that was once glorious and is now in ruins.  There used to be dragons.  She is stuck on a continent that was once powerful and glorious, full of ruins of older civilizations.  And she is going to bring it back.  Because the only thing more powerful than nostalgia is someone who can make you believe they can bring it back.  It’s how most dictators manage to rise to power actually, they promise not the future but the past.  Not that I think Emilia Clarke is a dictator, sure I’d get on my knees for her if she asked but that’s a whole other thing and I do try not to be crude here, I am just saying that it can be a powerful drug to make someone wistful for something that may not have even existed. And she is a beautiful woman and a fine actress and she carries with her all the comes with loving the character she plays.  And she is really pretty. That is also a big part of why she is here.  Today I want to fuck Emilia Clarke.

Sometimes it is hard for my mind to wrap around the idea that the Taylor Momsen of today was once the cute little Jenny Humphrey.  It makes sense of course, no one is the same person at 20 that they were at 15 (I hope!  Nothing sadder than someone stuck in adultlescence).  But it still just feels very different.  I have mentioned before I do feel kind of bad for her.  I mean she seems to like what she does now, which is good, but I have sensed dissatisfaction with how she grew up.  I get that, too, child stardom seems like a strange thing to force upon a kid.  I mean… I don’t know, I have no soapbox for this but even when it doesn’t end badly giving a child a career feels like it could rob them of some of the essential parts of being a kid. Or not.  I don’t know, I am rambling, I think she is pretty though she doesn’t pop up on my radar very often, I know I have followers who are way, way more into her than I am.  That always makes me feel like a poser.  It’s ok, when I was a kid there wasn’t even anything called soft grunge, there was just grunge which was a bullshit marketing term adults came up with to sell us flannel once Nirvana broke.  What I am saying is i get rebellion and anger but it will be co-opted and sold back to you one day.  And that has nothing to do with the fact that today I want to fuck Taylor Momsen.