Tag: blonde

So the 90’s were a pretty bleak time for comics.  A lot of you don’t remember this because you’re either not a huge nerd or you weren’t born yet.  But for the old nerds who were around for it comics tended to suck pretty hard.  There were some bright spots though and maybe my favorite mainstream superhero book was Birds of Prey.  Basically because it was awesome.  Really awesome.  It still stands out as the odd book about female characters that was basically about female characters rather than T&A.  Embarrassing as it is this nerd was a teenager and had a pretty big crush on Black Canary.  She was awesome though.  Strong but vulnerable, smart but occasionally foolish, and she is one of the biggest bad asses in the DC universe.  She could fight like Batman and had way better legs.  And her comic ruled.  So I liked her a lot.  And so I was thinking about that and remembering how awesome she was and how awesome those comics were and today I want to fuck Black Canary.

Paul Simon once said everything looks worse in black and white and I am here to say he’s full of shit.  That’s right, it’s time someone took you down, Simon, and I’m just the one to do it.  Central Park this!  I like Art Garfunkel’s voice better and he has hair!  No, wait… how the hell did we get here, I really don’t have a problem with Paul Simon at all, just the song Kodachrome.  Because he’s wrong, Black and White photography is beautiful and for lots of reasons.  The primary being how easily it can be made high contrast.  It also hides flaws and can really make a picture look both more sophisticated and classy.  There is an element to it that draws the eye, it forces us to look deeper while allowing us to focus on composition and contrast rather than the distraction of random colors.  I bring this up because I have all black and white pictures up today of Kate.  I did this because last time I went all black and white with her I got some wows.  Two separate people told me some variation of they started to see the appeal.  It could have been luck and just what I chose that day.  I am not trying to convert anyone, I am not running some sort of cult (yet).  But I like to think maybe people looked a little closer.  They got to see the beauty but also the personality.  I am a big fan of personality and I think one reason people don’t connect with models is because the personality is often hidden.  But I think Kate Upton has a lot of personality, it’s part of what attracts me to her.  Look, she isn’t as successful as she is just because of boobs.  Of course… I don’t know why I want you to connect with Kate, really it would be great for me if I was the only one in the world into her.  Not so great for her though, a girl should have options.  Anyway, this all is horribly random so let’s wrap up with a good ol’ today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

I think I find Katie Cassidy more attractive than most people do.  I am not claiming some sort of uniqueness in finding her attractive, I am pretty sure a major qualification of being on a CW show is, “are you prettier than a person has any right to be”.  It seems to be how they cast.  That said when it comes to like… more obscure… I don’t know what the word is, celebrities I never hear anyone talk about?  Whatever, her level of celebrity she is one of my favorites.  When she shows up in something I watch I always go on about how hot she is and most people just kind of shrug and agree but you can tell they aren’t as wowed as I am.  Look, it probably doesn’t help that one of her dad’s song starts playing in my head, too, how many girls get a sound track to their life?  (Well, in my case I often hear the La’s “There She Goes” for another certain blonde).  Anyway, I don’t know why she rarely shows up except she’s that level of celebrity.  I mean she has a show now but her face isn’t exactly plastered everywhere, so I just don’t see her that often.  But I really like her and today I want to fuck Katie Cassidy.

So this is where I usually have some long explanation as to why someone is here.  I don’t have one of those today.  I woke up thinking about Jennifer Lawrence.  Kinda.  I get lazy on the weekends.  Well, any day.  Alarms never wake me up, I am up way before my alarm ever go off but usually I refuse to admit it and roll over and try to force more sleep but I just fade in and out and wake up every 10 minutes and finally get up irritated at myself for not being able to sleep until my alarm.  It was during this time period Jennifer Lawrence popped into my head.  Did I have a micro dream about her?  Dunno but she was there and so she’s here because today I want to fuck Jennifer Lawrence.

“After my first Sports Illustrated cover, I felt terrible about myself for a solid month. Every single guy I met was either married or about to be married, and I felt like I was their bachelor present or something. I’m not a toy, I’m a human. I’m not here to be used.” -Kate Upton, Elle

This seems like a pretty innocuous statement to me, primarily because there is nothing in there that strikes me as controversial or wrong.  A human being desiring to be treated as such seems… well, the only reason you might mock that is because in a perfect world you shouldn’t point it out.  It’s like when my friend explains how a microwave works and says, “First you open the door then you put the stuff in”.  It’s like, no shit Sherlock, I’ve managed to not drown myself drinking water thus far so I figured out not to punch my hand through the fucking microwave door.  So that is why you could mock this.  No duh, Kate, you’re a human being and thus should be treated as such.  But, no surprise, this is not how the internet is reacting.  I mean, some of it might be but the reason this line is getting so much attention is because of the legions of people who think she has no valid point.  I just read in the Kate Upton tag the very condescending, “Oh, Honey, if you act like a slut you’re going to be treated like a slut”.  To you I say go to hell.  Slut shaming aside, which is a while thing I am not equipped to talk about right now, but it’s also bullshit.  However, looking good is not an invitation for sex.  There is nothing in what she has done that indicates she is looking for sex.  As a matter of fact she has stated quite the opposite.  If you treat her otherwise what you are actually doing is project your desires and skewed perspectives onto her.  See, assholes hide behind the shield of “personal accountability”.  When they are an asshole to you they will claim it’s because of something you did.  Except that’s not true.  If they are being an asshole only they can do something about it.  See that’s true personal accountability, only you are responsible for your own actions, no one else is, no matter how badly you want to blame someone else.  Look, I don’t know what to tell you, everyone should have women in their life they care about more than life itself.  A mother, an aunt, a niece, a child.  Someone.  None of this should be acceptable to you, that someone you love has to live in a world where they are held accountable for the actions and thoughts of assholes simply because they have breasts.  Look up, Kate Upton’s breasts are in all these pictures.  It’s not an accident.  They are lovely.  There is nothing about them that makes it ok to treat her like shit.  She is a model, a large part of her job is to look lovely, clearly she’s successful at it, the entire point is to sell you whatever it is her employer is selling, even if sometimes that’s her beauty.  There is nothing in that work that makes he less than human or makes it ok for you to treat her as such.  She is not a bad person because of your desires and her desire to be treated as human is not a threat to you.  Now generalize that, there is nothing about a woman’s breasts or how much of them that you can see that makes it ok to treat them like shit.  A woman being treated well does not demean or marginalize you.  If you feel it does you need to examine your sense of privilege.  The scary thing is I am running a skeevy blog about objectifying women, I should not be the one telling you this.  But you’re going to see this because you’re clearly trolling the Kate Upton tag looking to insult her.  Knock your self out but go ahead and ask yourself why you so badly want to say a woman deserves poor treatment.  I mean, you can keep lying to everyone but you can’t really lie to yourself forever.  You’re sad and today I am here to defend Kate Upton.  Sorry for the rambling huffy post guys but stuff like this pisses me off.  Whatever, I’m done but while I am at it I am also here to say today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

I am not really going out on a limb when I say Mosh is beautiful  Like, ridiculously beautiful.  I really think she is among the most beautiful women I have ever seen.  I just do.  But you don’t have to take my word for it, I have included proof.  When you think about it that’s pretty cool of me.  I could have just started this with some sort of dirty lawyer trick, like, “We can all agree that Mosh is beautiful the question is just how beautiful”.  Then I have us starting from a point of agreement with me and I’m screwed.  I don’t have to trick you though, I just have to show you pictures.  You won’t be able to refute it.  Oh, you can try but you’ll fail.  You’ll fail because you’re wrong.  If you’re one of those morons who enjoys being wrong go ahead and be so.  But you’ll be wrong.  I have evidence.  It’s above these words.  Seriously, look.  Amazing.  That’s why today I want to fuck Miss Mosh.

Here is a bunch of pictures of Kate Upton also with animals.  I could probably spin some bullshit here about how it is representative of my baser desires, the animalistic urges you fires in me.  About how this blog is a mesh of the intellectual and the base. I could do that because I am pretty good at psuedo intellectualism and making stuff sound just good enough that you buy it if you aren’t really paying attention.  It would be total BS though.  No, I just thought the picture of Kate Upton with a monkey was cute.  Then I saw one of her with puppies.  Then I was like, I bet I can get animals or at least animal prints in a bunch of these.  I did just that.  Animals are cute.  Kate Upton is cute too but I don’t think she gets a lot of credit for it, when your body is like that people skip right over the cute thing.  I still think back to her dancing the dougie and cute is what I think of.  It isn’t her fault if she is also very sexy.  It isn’t my fault either, so if you are rolling your eyes at another Kate Upton entry you’ll just have to deal.  Clearly I really like Kate Upton.  Very, very clearly today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Here is Aly Michalka again because she’s very pretty.  I guess that’s the only reason.  I don’t always have really deep or meaningful reasons for posting here.  I guess I am just in the mood for Aly?  Ok, yeah, we’ll go with that.  Today I want to fuck Aly Michalka.

So I can’t really think about Leighton Meester without Blake Lively popping into my head at some point as well and visa versa.  The two are pretty inexorably linked in my mind.  I bring this up because if you just look a little bit further down my blog you’ll be able to figure out why I was thinking of Blake Lively.  She is gorgeous, so… she has that going for her.  Like Leighton I don’t think about her a lot anymore, though her career seems to have a little bit more momentum behind it at the moment.  Or I could be wrong, I’m not an expert.  I know nothing except that today I want to fuck Blake Lively.

Ok, real talk time, Candice Swanepoel is actively stalking me.  You may not have known this but now you do.  The evidence is all there.  She has somehow gotten my followers to start sending me videos of her.  She sends me pictures of herself all the time.  They just show up in my mail.  Now, ok, sometimes she is clever about it and there is this whole “catalog” thing with other girls in it and it’s a pretty good cover.  Of course, I didn’t give anyone my address over at Victoria’s secret, so she slipped up a little bit.  But the thing is she keeps sending me other stuff in the mail too.  I keep getting post cards with her picture one it, usually in just her underwear or something, and it tells me I am invited to the local Victoria’s Secret store for a special event or sale or whatever the ploy is this month.  It’s always her.  Very clever, clearly I would get there and she would have her chance to pounce.  I’m flattered and the only reason I haven’t gone yet is because I would hate to burst my little bubble.  As of this moment I have what I am going to call very strong evidence Candice Swanepoel is waaaaay into me (everyone else is going to call it very strong delusions).  Well, I am here to say I am into her, too.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.