It is Sunday and these are pictures of Kate Upton. These are facts. It is important to point out generally these are the only facts contained in this post. Everything else is opinion. It is important to bring this up because the tags for models can be some of the nastiest places on earth. It’s a little stunning. And there are a lot assertions or personal preferences thrown around like they are fact, or at the very least handed down from on high with stone tablets. (A lot of statements that start with “Everyone knows…” or “I am sick of people not realizing…” and other such tings followed by opinion like, “Person X is too trashy for high fashion” or “Model Y is a flash in the pan and only shallow people like her” or, you know, “Kate Upton is fat/ugly/untalented”). Now, I would like to tell you to just cut that shit out, tearing down things you don’t like is lazy and easy and frankly serves no purpose. Better for you and all of us if you spend time building up what you do like. In general you should create not destroy. Especially when it comes to things that just don’t matter. Like if other people like a celebrity or not. A little soap boxy on my end but it is just so tired. I can tell you from the perspective of years passed that yeah, when I was 13 I thought being snarky was super cool, too. I also thought deep down Laurel in my English class like-liked me because she smiled at me and asked me for help, you, you know, I was a moron. Those are all my opinion by the way. Some opinions hold more weight and value than others due to being more thought out or having expertise behind them but they are opinions. My opinion is that Kate Upton is quite stunning and has a charm to her that I find enchanting . My final fact of the day is that today I want to fuck Kate Upton.
Tag: Kate Upton
So a lot of pictures from the swim suit issue hit the internet today. If you were aware of this fact and you know me at all you can’t really be surprised by who is showing up today. I even included two whole pictures from the set, which is rare for me. Anyway, obviously Kate Upton is here. Obviously. I happen to adore Kate Upton and think she is gorgeous. I would say more but i have said so much already, seriously, check her tag on my blog, it is getting ridiculous. This is actually the 38th time I have picked her. And I know there are haters out there. I don’t get it but you know, whatever. You’re wrong. She is gorgeous. Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.
You guys may not know this but I secretly (SECRETLY!) find Kate Upton extremely attractive. It’s a big secret so you probably didn’t know. Because I never bring it up. Ever. Because you know, big secret. I find her very attractive. She has been working very hard n the past week or so at getting my attention to as more great pictures keep coming out. And she looks great. Because she is attractive. Have I mentioned before I find her attractive? I can’t remember. Probably not. Well I do. I find Kate Upton attractive. Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.
New Year, same old posts, right? I’d apologize but I am not sorry. Happy 2014 everyone, I am still all stuffed up and sleepy and like a little out of it. But I am with it enough to know that I am very attracted to Kate Upton. So I am posting Kate Upton. For what, if I counted right, is the 35th time. That’s a lot of posts. I know that. I find her slightly attractive, so… well, today I want to fuck Kate Upton.
Jayne Mansfield had a quote I liked a lot once upon a time, “A 41-inch bust and a lot of perseverance will get you more than a cup of coffee – a lot more." I bring that up because we have a fascination with boobs. As a species I mean. Men and women’s eyes are drawn to boobs. Pupils dilate, when studies are done eyes linger on the breasts more when evaluating beauty than any other single part of the body, though we’d all like to think we’re more evolved than that. Now, that doesn’t mean everyone likes the same boobs. I am not in the camp that just bigger is better, though in some cases bigger is… something clever that illiterates and means are pretty already. I bring all of this up because Kate Upton is my pick today and people think of her boobs when they think of her. At least from the unofficial research I have done. My basic, rambling point is that it’s my birthday, so it’s my day to indulge myself, that includes indulging the fact that I really like boobs. I like Kate Upton for lots of reasons but I really like her boobs. And people might be bored of me picking Kate Upton. Well, today you have to indulge me or people will think you’re an ass. I think. I’m a little tipsy. My basic point is I am great and boobs are great and Kate Upton is great and today I want to fuck Kate Upton.
I had a dream about Kate Upton. And not the dream you might assume based on my blog name and me saying I had a dream about her. She was at a party my parents were having in their backyard. And we hung out the whole time and watched a cricket match. I think. I don’t know how cricket actually works so my brain may have made up a lot of bullshit. Also we watched someone’s baby for them and played with a dog. And we changed the baby;’s diaper. My basic point is there is something very wrong with me if these are the dreams I am having. But it’s the dream I had. And now I am crushing on my imaginary Kate Upton. And that means I am thinking about the real thing, too. And that means that today I want to fuck Kate Upton
So I am watching at this moment Kate Upton on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. I mean, I know Late Night isn’t on right now but you know, magic of the internet and all. I’m an old person, I watch late night TV on Saturdays at noon! Anyway, she is on it and she is lovely of course and also adorable. And I know adorable isn’t what most people think of when describing her but it’s what I used so bite me. Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.
I almost didn’t want to post Kate Upton today cause I have this thing in my mind where people are getting sick of it. Or like i am pressuring them to like Kate Upton or something. This is because like most people I think the world revolves around me and I don’t realize most people don’t relate their experiences in life to what I am doing and what I want. Of course that line of reasoning is ridiculous because it would also imply Kate Upton and I don’t have a special bond and clearly we do because as I was typing the beginning of this paragraph the Platters came on with “Only You” on the Motown station on Spottify. And what are the chances of that, I mean, they weren’t even on Motown, they were on Mercury Records. Of course, now Marvin Gaye is singing “Heard it Through the Grapevine” but that’s just a coincidence, the songs that are a sign are the ones I want to be a sign. It’s how delusion works. Anyway, I know I post her a lot. Too much. Don’t feel pressure, in the end this blog is about me and my desires in the moment and I like Kate Upton a lot. And for some reason she popped in my head this morning and wouldn’t dislodge. It’s cool, I am fine with her being there. Anyway, now Rick James is singing Super Freak and today I want to fuck Kate Upton.
Paul Simon once said everything looks worse in black and white and I am here to say he’s full of shit. That’s right, it’s time someone took you down, Simon, and I’m just the one to do it. Central Park this! I like Art Garfunkel’s voice better and he has hair! No, wait… how the hell did we get here, I really don’t have a problem with Paul Simon at all, just the song Kodachrome. Because he’s wrong, Black and White photography is beautiful and for lots of reasons. The primary being how easily it can be made high contrast. It also hides flaws and can really make a picture look both more sophisticated and classy. There is an element to it that draws the eye, it forces us to look deeper while allowing us to focus on composition and contrast rather than the distraction of random colors. I bring this up because I have all black and white pictures up today of Kate. I did this because last time I went all black and white with her I got some wows. Two separate people told me some variation of they started to see the appeal. It could have been luck and just what I chose that day. I am not trying to convert anyone, I am not running some sort of cult (yet). But I like to think maybe people looked a little closer. They got to see the beauty but also the personality. I am a big fan of personality and I think one reason people don’t connect with models is because the personality is often hidden. But I think Kate Upton has a lot of personality, it’s part of what attracts me to her. Look, she isn’t as successful as she is just because of boobs. Of course… I don’t know why I want you to connect with Kate, really it would be great for me if I was the only one in the world into her. Not so great for her though, a girl should have options. Anyway, this all is horribly random so let’s wrap up with a good ol’ today I want to fuck Kate Upton.
“After my first Sports Illustrated cover, I felt terrible about myself for a solid month. Every single guy I met was either married or about to be married, and I felt like I was their bachelor present or something. I’m not a toy, I’m a human. I’m not here to be used.” -Kate Upton, Elle
This seems like a pretty innocuous statement to me, primarily because there is nothing in there that strikes me as controversial or wrong. A human being desiring to be treated as such seems… well, the only reason you might mock that is because in a perfect world you shouldn’t point it out. It’s like when my friend explains how a microwave works and says, “First you open the door then you put the stuff in”. It’s like, no shit Sherlock, I’ve managed to not drown myself drinking water thus far so I figured out not to punch my hand through the fucking microwave door. So that is why you could mock this. No duh, Kate, you’re a human being and thus should be treated as such. But, no surprise, this is not how the internet is reacting. I mean, some of it might be but the reason this line is getting so much attention is because of the legions of people who think she has no valid point. I just read in the Kate Upton tag the very condescending, “Oh, Honey, if you act like a slut you’re going to be treated like a slut”. To you I say go to hell. Slut shaming aside, which is a while thing I am not equipped to talk about right now, but it’s also bullshit. However, looking good is not an invitation for sex. There is nothing in what she has done that indicates she is looking for sex. As a matter of fact she has stated quite the opposite. If you treat her otherwise what you are actually doing is project your desires and skewed perspectives onto her. See, assholes hide behind the shield of “personal accountability”. When they are an asshole to you they will claim it’s because of something you did. Except that’s not true. If they are being an asshole only they can do something about it. See that’s true personal accountability, only you are responsible for your own actions, no one else is, no matter how badly you want to blame someone else. Look, I don’t know what to tell you, everyone should have women in their life they care about more than life itself. A mother, an aunt, a niece, a child. Someone. None of this should be acceptable to you, that someone you love has to live in a world where they are held accountable for the actions and thoughts of assholes simply because they have breasts. Look up, Kate Upton’s breasts are in all these pictures. It’s not an accident. They are lovely. There is nothing about them that makes it ok to treat her like shit. She is a model, a large part of her job is to look lovely, clearly she’s successful at it, the entire point is to sell you whatever it is her employer is selling, even if sometimes that’s her beauty. There is nothing in that work that makes he less than human or makes it ok for you to treat her as such. She is not a bad person because of your desires and her desire to be treated as human is not a threat to you. Now generalize that, there is nothing about a woman’s breasts or how much of them that you can see that makes it ok to treat them like shit. A woman being treated well does not demean or marginalize you. If you feel it does you need to examine your sense of privilege. The scary thing is I am running a skeevy blog about objectifying women, I should not be the one telling you this. But you’re going to see this because you’re clearly trolling the Kate Upton tag looking to insult her. Knock your self out but go ahead and ask yourself why you so badly want to say a woman deserves poor treatment. I mean, you can keep lying to everyone but you can’t really lie to yourself forever. You’re sad and today I am here to defend Kate Upton. Sorry for the rambling huffy post guys but stuff like this pisses me off. Whatever, I’m done but while I am at it I am also here to say today I want to fuck Kate Upton.


































