Tag: Model

So two things surfaced today that had me thinking about the artificiality of photoshoots.  And I am not exactly breaking new ground here by pointing out the images they sell us are not reality.  And this isn’t about unrealistic expectations and stuff.  I mean, certainly that is a valid discussion to have but then so is the fact that no one is ever presenting you anything completely genuine.  Art, music, people… it’s all about getting a certain point of view across and if it seems manipulative or not is largely based on how you feel about that manipulation.  I am not going down that path though, that way lies nothing but Philosophy 101 and a whole lot of bullshit about there being no truth and reality is a lie which is both not helpful and intellectually lazy.  No, see today I saw pictures of Rosie Jones naked in a garden and she’s standing on the balls of her feet the entire time with her back arched.  And of course she’s topless, one day doctors will find a cure for her crippling allergy to tops.  One day!  But I wasn’t even looking at her breasts, and there is a conversation to be had about maybe desensitization seeps in when you see someone naked more than dressed but most of it was just that I was impressed that she was balancing like that and yet looked natural.  She just looked like she was having fun in a garden.  Except she was standing in a way no human being ever would and really I don’t know how she held the post.  I tried, I can’t, I start swaying and have to put my hands out to balance myself. Then I get to this picture of Kate Upton working out and that’s pretty common these days, there is this whole thing about her training and how shes’ getting into better shape and well… it’s a whole thing.  People love to talk about her level of fitness.  But she’s wearing like a tweed skirt and a bra and I guess that’s supposed to be sexy. Except my only thought was, “That bra is not supportive enough to work out in.  She’s going to hurt herself”.  So I get the picture is supposed to be sexy but my only thought is that really someone should get her appropriate workout attires.  That skirt is going to tear at some point and that’s just a waste.  And her boobs, well that’s going to be a disaster.  Someone help her.  And then I realized that is my problem with some of this artificiality.  I am not opposed to the artifice (and uh, ping @thunderstormofoblivion it turns out I am just an attending lord), I know it’s there, I just would like, at least for a moment, to be able to pretend it isn’t.  And I couldn’t.  Instead I just sat around thinking about poor Kate Upton getting hurt.  Then I looked for pictures that allowed me to embrace the illusion and here we are.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Here is Doutzen Kroes because Doutzen Kroes is very pretty.  She really only did the one red carpet at Cannes this year and then a party but I thought she looked pretty good at both.  And well, other shots of her keep popping up, also looking good so I decided to post her today.  Because I think she looks lovely.  That’s it.  I am very clearly out of interesting things to say lately.  Today I want to fuck Doutzen Kroes.

Here is Emily Ratajkowski cause look at her.  I really write too much considering I post pictures.  I mean, those pictures are worth a thousand words so I am writing my own 200-300 words each day and you end up with like, 5,200 words most day?  That math checks out I think.  And it seems silly cause the pictures do a pretty good job of explaining why I am posting whomever I post.  Like right here.  Emily Ratajkowski shows up in a few magazines recently, I post the pictures from those magazines, and bam, there we go.  I should just post the pictures, I wouldn’t even work myself into a rage when I go down the path complaining about the comments online I saw with the pictures about how a lot of guys are really angry she has been, ahem, let me look this up, “Spouting off about that feminism garbage”.  So I’ll just post the pictures.  Because she’s hot and I will ignore the assholes.  Today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

Here is Hannah Ray who I have posted before, including the first time I declared her to be some sort of genius.  I would point out that’s only a think I have said though because it seemed highly accurate.  I have a lot of respect for the amount of effort and talent it makes to forge your own way in the world.  Like, when I was a kid, and by kid I guess I mean a teenager, we were all so worried about selling out one day.  It’s hilarious in hind sight because I think most of my friends would sellout in a heart beat because at least that entails making some money.  Finding a way to make money and do something you love is a pretty big ask.  Running your own business is ridiculously hard.  So it’s impressive that she has found a way to do all of that, something she love, make a living at it, and essentially do it on her own terms.  You can read about that if you just, you know, go to my blog and click her tag.  There is a link to an article and I could go get it but i am really lazy.  I am no Hannah Ray.  No go getter.  Anyway, that was longer than I meant cause she isn’t really here because of that, as impressive as it is, she is here because I always find her work amazing.  She writes blog entries about her journeys and posts lovely pictures and overall just seems to be delightful.  Bonus she is also gorgeous.  I love her smile.  So I am posting her today because she was recently in England and France and that looked fun and her hair is just the best shade of pink right now.  Pink hair rules.  Today I want to fuck Hannah Ray.

The Kentucky Derby is so strange because it’s this weird portal back in time to an era that frankly was pretty shitty but certain people consider the golden age.  It’s this gathering of southern Aristocracy that doesn’t really exist anymore but kind of does and drinking drinks and horse trading both literal and figurative and… well, it’s not ground I need to cover because Hunter S Thompson already did 50 years ago so lord knows the world isn’t waiting on my take.  My point is that it’s a thing that kind of annoys me but I am also kind of drawn to.  And I was going to say this post was sort of about stupid hats because that is one of the things I am drawn to but it turns out Kate Upton didn’t wear a stupid hat yesterday.  I didn’t even notice until I looked closer, I think I just assumed she did.  I actually started to doubt myself but then it tunrs out she just isn’t wearing a hat here, because it’s a Gala, obviously at the race she did.  Because of course she did, she’s a horse person.  And I am tired, so I should clarify, by horse person I don’t mean an anthropomorphic horse or like half horse (because that would be a centuar, duh) but like, she’s been around horses all of her life.  She was a championship equestrian when she was younger.  So she understands dumb hats are a requirement.  Anyway, the hat thing comes up because I always think they look dumb and I am never like, “Oh sweet, look at that hat”.  Yet I always end up looking.  So I am wondering, is that their job?  Are they there to draw our attention so we talk about how dumb the hats are while still paying complete attention to the person wearing it and ignoring anything else of substance?  And that feels like the Kentucky Derby in general.  Then I remember I am on zero sleep so I am only like half sure I am even posting this.  I am going to go take a nap.  Oh yeah, happy Mothers day I guess?  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Emily Ratajkowski was in DC this weekend for various things revolving around the arts and the government and it lead to a bunch of pictures, which is nice.  I am prepared to declare her officially hot.  Also, it just makes my life easy to go, oh look, a bunch of pictures, my hometown, she’s hot, done.  It was a pretty late Saturday night so taking the easy route is nice.  Declaring Emily Ratajkowski hot is pretty easy.  Job done.  Get some rest everybody.  Today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

Guys, I am tired and loopy.  I slept like garbage last night.  This is my third attempt to post someone but the words weren’t coming the first few times so 4 hours and 3 girls later we’ll see if this will work.  Candice Swanepoel is pregnant and engaged and I can only assume this is her latest tactic to attract me.  This is the hard to get phase, a bit of reverse psychology.  Get married, have some kids, settle down, make me wonder what I’m missing.  It’s a long 18+ year con.  Pretty crafty, Candy.  Anyway, here are some pictures of her, I included one where she is pregnant, see if you can guess which ones.  Man, I should write clickbaity headlines for Buzzfeed for a living.  Candice Swanepoel is pregnant in one of these pictures but it’s not the one you think!  Except then it totally is.  And people share it to show their friends how stupid it is but that’s exactly what they want.  They don’t care if it’s right guys, they just want clicks, when you share links to it to show how vapid or worthless a headline it is still what they want.  It’s all a trap.  Which brings me back to Candice, who again, clearly trying to trap me.  Someone even told me the other day apparently no more catalogs are going to be mailed out?  Once again, hard to get.  Very crafty.  It’s sorta working I guess because today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

I am sure there was exciting stuff last night I could post from but I haven’t gotten around to it.  I slept like a rock and want to post Jessica Nigri so here is Jessica Nigri.  She is attractive and she dresses up in pretty costumes.  She has recently done a few that really stand out to me, both Morrigan from Dragon Age, who I have posted before because she was my favorite character in the game and Rogue in her Savage Land attire.  I have posted Rogue before too but more specifically Savage Land Rogue appeared in a story arc drawn by Jim Lee when I was 12 years old and it was a… whole thing for me.  I remember thinking Marc Silverstri’s Rogue was hot as a 10 year old but this was a whole other thing.  Just… a whole other thing.  So seeing someone cosplay as her was a big deal for me.  And then other stuff came up and wow it’s just not hard to find pictures of Jessica Nigri so how could I not post her?  Here she is because today I want to fuck Jessica Nigri.

Here is Emily DiDonato and her ridiculous eyes because she’s hot.  That’s about it.  I have no deeper thoughts or anything today, I just saw a picture of her and was like, oh yeah, she’s really hot.  So here she is being really hot.  Fun times.  Today I want to fuck Emily DiDonato.

Now, I hope most people don’t come here for new.  At least, I hope you don’t.  If you do you are dangerously ill informed.  I say dangerously because if you are the sort of person who comes to whoiwanttofucktoday.com looking for news your decision making is so questionable you could possibly drown yourself trying to get a drink of water.  But I’m not here to insult hypothetical idiots.  No, I’m here to insult your intelligence with my breaking news I do have.  Using my highly refined observational skills I have determined that Emily Ratajkowski’s body is “legit insane”.  "Legit insane" is of course a scientific term meaning, “oh my god, look at her”!  If you haven’t noticed this it’s ok, I am a professional except for the part where anyone would pay me for my opinions on this blog.  Other than that I am a professional and using the skills I have honed in my now 4 years and 23 days of doing this, I have figured out that Emily Ratajkowski has a body that is, once again, “Legit insane”.  Science, people.  You can trust me on this, I know I’m right because I said it and I’m not a liar, so it has to be true.  That’s basic math.  Or logic.  Whatever, trust me, one of them is right.  Today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.