Tag: Model

I almost didn’t want to post Kate Upton today cause I have this thing in my mind where people are getting sick of it.  Or like i am pressuring them to like Kate Upton or something.  This is because like most people I think the world revolves around me and I don’t realize most people don’t relate their experiences in life to what I am doing and what I want.  Of course that line of reasoning is ridiculous because it would also imply Kate Upton and I don’t have a special bond and clearly we do because as I was typing the beginning of this paragraph the Platters came on with “Only You” on the Motown station on Spottify.  And what are the chances of that, I mean, they weren’t even on Motown, they were on Mercury Records.  Of course, now Marvin Gaye is singing “Heard it Through the Grapevine” but that’s just a coincidence, the songs that are a sign are the ones I want to be a sign.  It’s how delusion works.  Anyway, I know I post her a lot.  Too much. Don’t feel pressure, in the end this blog is about me and my desires in the moment and I like Kate Upton a lot.  And for some reason she popped in my head this morning and wouldn’t dislodge.  It’s cool, I am fine with her being there.  Anyway, now Rick James is singing Super Freak and today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Here are a bunch of pictures of Candice Swanepoel in bikinis because it is remarkably easy to find pictures of Candice Swanepoel in a bikini.  She always looks really good in them, too.  I mean it’s her job.  And I don’t mean that as a joke, it literally is a major part of her job, looking good in bikinis.  I don’t think I am as big on bikinis (or underwear, same coverage) as a lot of people are, like it isn’t the ideal in my mind but she does it so well.  And well, I can appreciate it sometimes. Why am I justifying this?  I have no clue.  Anyway, today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

Paul Simon once said everything looks worse in black and white and I am here to say he’s full of shit.  That’s right, it’s time someone took you down, Simon, and I’m just the one to do it.  Central Park this!  I like Art Garfunkel’s voice better and he has hair!  No, wait… how the hell did we get here, I really don’t have a problem with Paul Simon at all, just the song Kodachrome.  Because he’s wrong, Black and White photography is beautiful and for lots of reasons.  The primary being how easily it can be made high contrast.  It also hides flaws and can really make a picture look both more sophisticated and classy.  There is an element to it that draws the eye, it forces us to look deeper while allowing us to focus on composition and contrast rather than the distraction of random colors.  I bring this up because I have all black and white pictures up today of Kate.  I did this because last time I went all black and white with her I got some wows.  Two separate people told me some variation of they started to see the appeal.  It could have been luck and just what I chose that day.  I am not trying to convert anyone, I am not running some sort of cult (yet).  But I like to think maybe people looked a little closer.  They got to see the beauty but also the personality.  I am a big fan of personality and I think one reason people don’t connect with models is because the personality is often hidden.  But I think Kate Upton has a lot of personality, it’s part of what attracts me to her.  Look, she isn’t as successful as she is just because of boobs.  Of course… I don’t know why I want you to connect with Kate, really it would be great for me if I was the only one in the world into her.  Not so great for her though, a girl should have options.  Anyway, this all is horribly random so let’s wrap up with a good ol’ today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

“After my first Sports Illustrated cover, I felt terrible about myself for a solid month. Every single guy I met was either married or about to be married, and I felt like I was their bachelor present or something. I’m not a toy, I’m a human. I’m not here to be used.” -Kate Upton, Elle

This seems like a pretty innocuous statement to me, primarily because there is nothing in there that strikes me as controversial or wrong.  A human being desiring to be treated as such seems… well, the only reason you might mock that is because in a perfect world you shouldn’t point it out.  It’s like when my friend explains how a microwave works and says, “First you open the door then you put the stuff in”.  It’s like, no shit Sherlock, I’ve managed to not drown myself drinking water thus far so I figured out not to punch my hand through the fucking microwave door.  So that is why you could mock this.  No duh, Kate, you’re a human being and thus should be treated as such.  But, no surprise, this is not how the internet is reacting.  I mean, some of it might be but the reason this line is getting so much attention is because of the legions of people who think she has no valid point.  I just read in the Kate Upton tag the very condescending, “Oh, Honey, if you act like a slut you’re going to be treated like a slut”.  To you I say go to hell.  Slut shaming aside, which is a while thing I am not equipped to talk about right now, but it’s also bullshit.  However, looking good is not an invitation for sex.  There is nothing in what she has done that indicates she is looking for sex.  As a matter of fact she has stated quite the opposite.  If you treat her otherwise what you are actually doing is project your desires and skewed perspectives onto her.  See, assholes hide behind the shield of “personal accountability”.  When they are an asshole to you they will claim it’s because of something you did.  Except that’s not true.  If they are being an asshole only they can do something about it.  See that’s true personal accountability, only you are responsible for your own actions, no one else is, no matter how badly you want to blame someone else.  Look, I don’t know what to tell you, everyone should have women in their life they care about more than life itself.  A mother, an aunt, a niece, a child.  Someone.  None of this should be acceptable to you, that someone you love has to live in a world where they are held accountable for the actions and thoughts of assholes simply because they have breasts.  Look up, Kate Upton’s breasts are in all these pictures.  It’s not an accident.  They are lovely.  There is nothing about them that makes it ok to treat her like shit.  She is a model, a large part of her job is to look lovely, clearly she’s successful at it, the entire point is to sell you whatever it is her employer is selling, even if sometimes that’s her beauty.  There is nothing in that work that makes he less than human or makes it ok for you to treat her as such.  She is not a bad person because of your desires and her desire to be treated as human is not a threat to you.  Now generalize that, there is nothing about a woman’s breasts or how much of them that you can see that makes it ok to treat them like shit.  A woman being treated well does not demean or marginalize you.  If you feel it does you need to examine your sense of privilege.  The scary thing is I am running a skeevy blog about objectifying women, I should not be the one telling you this.  But you’re going to see this because you’re clearly trolling the Kate Upton tag looking to insult her.  Knock your self out but go ahead and ask yourself why you so badly want to say a woman deserves poor treatment.  I mean, you can keep lying to everyone but you can’t really lie to yourself forever.  You’re sad and today I am here to defend Kate Upton.  Sorry for the rambling huffy post guys but stuff like this pisses me off.  Whatever, I’m done but while I am at it I am also here to say today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Last time I posted Ophelia Overdose I wrote a book because I really wanted to make a worthy post.  I honestly feel a lot of pressure for some people, more than others.  I can’t really identify a thing that puts people on one side of that line or not but I know in this case it is because I am blown away by her work.  Seriously, I think I would want to go on and on just if we were talking about the clothing.  The fact that she is making her own outfits is impressive enough, I love creative people and am always in awe of the things they do.  I love the stuff she puts together.  Of course then she does the hair and make up usually, too.  And my god the hair is just amazing right?  Real, hair falls, wigs, whatever, what she puts together is just so stunning, I love it.  And she also does some work on the photos.  Awesome.  And then there is her, she is a work of art.  I believe modeling is an art and she just does such an amazing job of being part of a larger composition.  A piece of a larger part of art.  And she can look so different.  What I am saying is I am perpetually impressed by her and feel a lot of pressure to give her the kind of entry she deserves.  But… I mean, who knows if I pull that off. I’d say probably not.  But I am trying.  Because she’s just amazing.  And today I want to fuck Ophelia Overdose.

This blog has lead to some strange interactions over time.  The strangest is now and then people will send me pictures of their boobs.  It doesn’t happen all the times but it happens sometimes.  I don’t ask for these pictures.  I don’t mind them either I suppose.  I just don’t want anyone to feel like they have to send pictures of their boobs.  I will say though, my dear friend Izzy has never had people send her boobs.  So if you are getting the urge to just send strangers pictures of your boobs why not send them to her? You don’t have to but if you get the urge… she’s a wonderful girl.  I promise she would write you a very nice thank you note.  Mainly I bring this up because I made a joke about saying this and she clearly didn’t think I’d go through with it.  None of that is the point here though, the point today is Kelly Brook.  Now, I have no idea how all this talk about Boobs would have made me think of Kelly Brook.  Mysteries of the human brain I suppose, we may never really get how it works.  Maybe it’s because Brook and Boobs both have those B’s and O’s.  That’s probably it.  Anyway, here is Kelly Brook.  She is very pretty.  She has nice Boobs and… whoa… break though, I think I know why Boobs made me think of her.  She’s British and British and Boobs both start with a B.  Mystery solved.  Good job gang, we should really get a van and drive around solving word mysteries.  In the meantime I will sit back, relax, talk about boobs and the fact that today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

I am not really going out on a limb when I say Mosh is beautiful  Like, ridiculously beautiful.  I really think she is among the most beautiful women I have ever seen.  I just do.  But you don’t have to take my word for it, I have included proof.  When you think about it that’s pretty cool of me.  I could have just started this with some sort of dirty lawyer trick, like, “We can all agree that Mosh is beautiful the question is just how beautiful”.  Then I have us starting from a point of agreement with me and I’m screwed.  I don’t have to trick you though, I just have to show you pictures.  You won’t be able to refute it.  Oh, you can try but you’ll fail.  You’ll fail because you’re wrong.  If you’re one of those morons who enjoys being wrong go ahead and be so.  But you’ll be wrong.  I have evidence.  It’s above these words.  Seriously, look.  Amazing.  That’s why today I want to fuck Miss Mosh.

Here is a bunch of pictures of Kate Upton also with animals.  I could probably spin some bullshit here about how it is representative of my baser desires, the animalistic urges you fires in me.  About how this blog is a mesh of the intellectual and the base. I could do that because I am pretty good at psuedo intellectualism and making stuff sound just good enough that you buy it if you aren’t really paying attention.  It would be total BS though.  No, I just thought the picture of Kate Upton with a monkey was cute.  Then I saw one of her with puppies.  Then I was like, I bet I can get animals or at least animal prints in a bunch of these.  I did just that.  Animals are cute.  Kate Upton is cute too but I don’t think she gets a lot of credit for it, when your body is like that people skip right over the cute thing.  I still think back to her dancing the dougie and cute is what I think of.  It isn’t her fault if she is also very sexy.  It isn’t my fault either, so if you are rolling your eyes at another Kate Upton entry you’ll just have to deal.  Clearly I really like Kate Upton.  Very, very clearly today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Ok, real talk time, Candice Swanepoel is actively stalking me.  You may not have known this but now you do.  The evidence is all there.  She has somehow gotten my followers to start sending me videos of her.  She sends me pictures of herself all the time.  They just show up in my mail.  Now, ok, sometimes she is clever about it and there is this whole “catalog” thing with other girls in it and it’s a pretty good cover.  Of course, I didn’t give anyone my address over at Victoria’s secret, so she slipped up a little bit.  But the thing is she keeps sending me other stuff in the mail too.  I keep getting post cards with her picture one it, usually in just her underwear or something, and it tells me I am invited to the local Victoria’s Secret store for a special event or sale or whatever the ploy is this month.  It’s always her.  Very clever, clearly I would get there and she would have her chance to pounce.  I’m flattered and the only reason I haven’t gone yet is because I would hate to burst my little bubble.  As of this moment I have what I am going to call very strong evidence Candice Swanepoel is waaaaay into me (everyone else is going to call it very strong delusions).  Well, I am here to say I am into her, too.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

When I post Pigeon Foo I actually have a tendency to get on my soap box and give you guys a lecture.  I am not really here to lecture you though (except take out the god damned trash, would it kill you?).  It’s just that I like her and I want you guys to be nice to her.  I don’t mean like her in the sense of what this blog is about, though, I mean, obviously she’s showing up here but I mean she’s pretty awesome.  Pretty and awesome.  Because Models are real people, too, with thoughts and feelings and ideas and like actual emotions and opinions.  That may startle the two of you who bother to read this but it is totally true.  But I am not going to lecture you today, I’m just going to remind you to be nice, dammit.  To everyone.  The internet gives you a nice big shield of anonymity and if you’re using that to beat up on people (and you’re still anonymous if I can see your screen name, we don’t really know you) you’re a coward.  I see too many anons telling people to kill themselves or they’re ugly.  If you have the urge to write this stop and think for a really long time about what it would feel like if someone told you that on the worst day of your life.  But enough, that’s not why she’s here.  She’s here because she’s my favorite model named after a bird.  Hand down I cannot think of a single Avian Named Model I like more.  And you should like her too because she is very pretty and she takes very cool pictures and she also has a pretty awesome tumblr.  So what I will say is if you like her too reblog this.  Not for me, though, nice for me, but because it gives models more exposure which can lead to more work.  If you reblog this you are actually helping her out in a small way (with the rule changes there isn’t another way for models to get themselves out there, their blogs aren’t searchable). And it feels good to help people.  And also she’s hot.  It feels good to have hot people on your blog.  It’s a win win is what I am saying.  I am also saying that today I want to fuck Pigeon Foo.