Tag: Model

Here is some Candice Swanepoel for Valentine’s Day.  I guess it just kind of made sense to me, given all the Victoria Secret ads that keep showing up in my mailbox lately.  I find the way we are sold things fascinating. It might be a generalization but it seems to me that Victoria’s Secret sells us both the carnal and the romantic.  Lingerie promises on one had an unforgettable lust filled night, I assume the man is to tear it asunder as he is overcome with lust.   The woman is to feel beautiful and wanted and swept away in emotion.  At least, that is what I am reading into the copy of this postcard I was sent.  I am implying a lot, and I want to be inclusive so it could be girl girl or guy guy, though that last one seems unlikely.  I am just saying there is a reason the ads show both a lot of skin and so often exotic locales or beautiful rooms.  It is a fantasy they are selling, though not always the one we quite imagine.  I suppose I am in the fantasy business as well, given the theme of this blog, so it seems strange I feel the need to harsh people’s mellow by going on about this.  I just think Valentines Day ends up being miserable for a lot of people who are single and crushes the expectations of many who aren’t and that’s a shame.  I have nothing against the day but I do think as it approaches it is important to separate fantasy from reality.  I feel like a I had a unifying point here but now it has escaped me, I do that sometimes, I guess what I am saying is remember it’s just a day, it’s the love that’s important.  If you’re alone that can be ok, don’t let a day get you down, there is love other than the romantic, go ahead and embrace that.  If you’re in a relationship and it’s great, who cares about one day, if it doesn’t quite live up to the fairy tale it’s ok, you have other days, if you’re in a relationship and it sucks, maybe this is a wake up call.  I will make one suggestion to everyone though, pick someone you follow and leave them an anon wishing them a happy Valentine’s Day.  Or don’t be anon, it’s up to you.  Don’t lead anyone on, don’t create some false fantasy, just wish them a good day and tell them one thing you truthfully find admirable about them. You might just make someone’s day.  For real.  Still, a little fantasy is ok, just remember what you’re indulging in and keep a firm eye on reality as well.  For the moment my fantasy involves me saying today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

Ok, I have a secret.  I really like Kate Upton.   I have played it pretty close tot he chest but I am here to admit it.  Actually, I think I’ve made that joke before, I must have, I have written about her more than 20 times in the past year.  Which is why we are going to tackle something else completely, all the body image stuff needs to fucking stop.  That’s right, I’m putting my foot down and what better person to do so than someone who runs a blog that objectifies women!  My basic point is this, I keep hearing Kate Upton is fat, which is ludicrous.  I think it is pointless to spend your time talking about what you hate, the simple truth is no one really gives a fuck what you hate and if you feel the compulsion to spend all your time shitting on things other people like it’s probably because you are sad and hollow.  Sad people are often outraged by others finding joy in things because they are incapable of finding any themselves.  But back tot he fat thing, that’s ludicrous. And I am not saying you have to find Kate Upton or her body type attractive, that would also be stupid.  Nor will I claim she is a real woman because she has curves, I am pretty sure vaginas and two x chromosomes are really the criteria for that.  The internet is good for a lot of things but holy shit is it horrible when it comes to trying to make people feel bad for being different.  And I’m not talking about Kate Upton being slightly thicker than a lot of models, I am talking about liking Kate Upton or not, or anyone for that matter.  She’s not fat, let’s save discussions about obesity for the actually obese, you know when you are truly concerned for their health, not because you want to say something mean about someone and let the whole world you totally would not masturbate to her.  Now, on the other hand, I don’t want to hear any bullshit from the other side about skinny bitches or thin shaming, that stuff is fucking stupid, too.  If someone wants to be thin, let them, if they don’t let them, you are welcome to want to fuck whoever you want, I don’t care, it doesn’t make you a bad person, it doesn’t make them a bad person, and it sure as fuck doesn’t make other people bad people because they want to fuck something different than you.  There, settled.  Tomorrow I’ll tackle the economy and then maybe world peace.  As for today? Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Last time I posted Doutzen Kroes I commented on how she used to be my favorite VS model but has been supplanted.  As such, she just doesn’t show up a lot.  That has held true since if this was a competition Candice Swanepoel would be winning.  It seems silly when I think about it though, she hasn’t gotten less gorgeous, she is still gorgeous.  I don’t know what does it, did I get bored?  Is there only so much room in my heart? (Mind? Libido?  I am large, I contain multitudes… but I am not boundless, eventually someone gets evicted?)  I don’t know what it is, I just am sure it’s me, not her, because look at her, she is just lovely.  I mean, yeah, she’s a model, that’s their job but the smile and the hair and just… she’s beautiful and today I want to fuck Doutzen Kroes.

Here are a bunch of picture of Kelly Brook being Kelly Brook.  Being Kelly Brook basically involves standing around somewhere, showing cleavage, and looking pretty damn good.  I guess it’s a good gig if you can get it. I no longer remember how I first found out about Kelly Brook but no doubt it has something to do with the fact that parts of the internet have long loved her because she is very good at being Kelly Brook (see above: Having large boobs, being pretty, etc.)  What’s funny is as an American I am totally cool with these skills and her lack of things like acting skills because she’s British and that makes her exotic and interesting.  Yet a few of my British friends and acquaintances seem to have a dislike for her, even though she is very good at being Kelly Brook.  I assume she is less exotic to them.  Well, I feel bad for them, they are missing out because, seriously, look how Kelly Brook she is!  I appreciate it.  Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook

Hey look it’s my secret girlfriend Kate Upton.  Secret Girlfriend you say?  Why yes, it’s so secret she doesn’t even know!  Or know me.  But this is the 20th time I am posting her in less than a year which in some countries makes us already married.  What countries?  Well… uh… WhoIwanttofuckistan, the sovereign principality that exists over my computer.  Really, it’s an up and comer, just waiting on that UN recognition so I can finally declare war on the condo upstairs for violating my airspace.  Anyway, once I am officially the rule of my own nation I am sure winning Kate’s heart will be no problem, she could be the Grace Kelly of her generation.  We have a lot in common, I seem to have a thing for girls named Katherine.  And Blondes.  And her.  She is a Katherine, she is blonde, she is her.  It’s like a fairy tale but with fewer toads and more blog entries that will inevitably be admitted as evidence in the stalking trial.  Anyway, my point is I realize I am closing in on obsessed, or you know, I passed obsessed a few exits back, but I really like Kate Upton.  She is pretty and lively and good at her job and just a joy to behold. So today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

It should surprise no one who has actually followed this blog for long that I track the Miss Mosh tag because obviously I put Miss Mosh right above sliced bread in the rankings of things that are great.  So a while back I saw someone posting that it made them cry that the would never be as pretty as Mosh and it struck me as odd.  Way back in the ancient days before the internet ruled the world Mosh would not have been able to be a model, at least not one as popular as she is now.  She’s an alternative model for a reason and one of the nicest things about alternative models is that it shows you a lot (I mean a lot, you guys have no idea) of beautiful women that don’t conform to a strict set of rules for beauty yet are still undeniably gorgeous.  Mosh is undeniably gorgeous but if this was 1980 no one who tracks that tag would know who she was because no one would have put her pictures out there.  Which is fucking stunning but brings me to another point, it is pretty silly for people out there to be comparing themselves to Mosh as if the way she looks is the only way someone can look beautiful.  Now, I am not here to blow smoke up anyone’s ass, there is a real chance you may not be as attractive in my eyes as Mosh is and yes there are physically unattractive people out there but I am going to tell you something as a for real big time adult who is thankfully far removed from the unconditional insecurity of teendom: It matters so much less than you can ever imagine.  I am not going to preach to you about inner beauty or anything like that because it won’t make anyone feel better who doesn’t but I will tell everyone something for their own good, it won’t matter very one day.  Believe me, as an adult it will matter so much more if you’re interesting than if you might have a nice butt.  I won’t lie, nice butts help, physical attraction matters but I will tell you, when you have been out of high school for 10 years and you find yourself sitting down across the table from a teenage crush and it turns out they are vapid an boring as fuck?  It suddenly stops mattering how good they looked then or even how good they look now, you want the fuck out of this awkward cup of coffee and you are no longer attracted to them.  You would be stunned how much more attractive the girl who can discuss literature or your favorite TV show or fucking anything interesting is by the end of the night.  Of course, getting a hair cut, hitting the gym, and not dressing in stuff you found in the dumpster will help anyone out, though in my experience that really applies much more to my male friends, so your mileage may vary on that advice.  My point is that Mosh is not perfect.  I don’t know her but I know she has some flaws somewhere.  I also know she must have days where she looks in the mirror and can see something she doesn’t like, or days where she feels insecure.  I also know that she isn’t this successful as a model just because she’s pretty, in the real world that isn’t enough, not even modeling, there is more to her.  But more importantly this blog is called who I want to fuck today, so I post a lot of beautiful women but really they are just wax figures, I don’t know them, they are set up as objects of desire but it is nothing substantial or real.  Everyone should remember that about the internet, when you see gorgeous pictures you shouldn’t beat yourself up, those pictures are their to be works of art, to show beauty, they’re pictures, that’s their job, there is so much more to being a human being than that and you shouldn’t judge the three dimensional you on the single dimension of a picture.  Ever.  That said… this blog is still what it is and yeah, Mosh is amazing look so today I want to fuck Miss Mosh.

I don’t know why I like Rosie Jones as much as I do.  I mean, there is an obvious statement about boobs and how nice boobs look naked and such.  But there are a lot of boobs out there, sure when I was a kid pictures of boobs were worth their weight in gold but now you can probably find naked boobs googling things like Church. Anyway, just boobs aren’t enough for me to know the name of a model from another country who almost exclusively appears in that country’s publications.  I guess some people just click.  There are a lot of pretty people out there but clearly different things appeal differently to each of us, otherwsie there would be universal consensus on just who is the hottest, who is the most desirable and so on.  So I don’t know what clicks about her specifically.  I mean, it has become blatantly obvious to me that I like British girls but there are lots of British girls, why do I keep going back to the same few?  That I can’t tell you, it just happens.  I like boobs, I like Brits, I like Rosie Jones.  Today I want to fuck Rosie Jones.

So today was supposed to be a snow day.  We were finally FINALLY promised some sort of storm and it was going to be awesome.  I should be making snow angels right now.  Or like… sheet angels, the snow angels should have come after I slept so late my eyes literally popped open because they couldn’t stay closed any longer.  Then the snow angels.  But no, it crapped out.  Oh sure, it snowed but it never got below freezing so it is just gross, cold, and wet outside.  I am surely Global Warming’s greatest victim.  Anyway, I will console myself with Boob.  British Boobs at that.  Kelly Brook Boobs.  I like her boobs, boobs can seem strangely comforting sometimes… like nature’s pillows.  So, fuck the weather, today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

And my beloved Kate Upton has returned.  Her posts are getting really hard because while I have not always succeeded I try my hardest to not repeat pictures.   This is getting increasingly difficult with Kate Upton, not because there aren’t many pictures, there are plenty of pictures, the issue is that I have posted her so many times I have a hard time remembering if I have posted something or not.  So you have my apologies if I have repeated.  I am trying but I am obviously going to be drawn to pictures I like the most, I like them the most.  I like Kate Upton the most, too.  Or close to the most.  I have chosen her the most.  She is just so gorgeous.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

So Audrey Kitching makes an appearance again.  There are various things I could go into about her and why I think she’s attractive but the simple thing is just pink hair.  I really like pink hair.  Always have.  Like… I can’t remember a time I didn’t.  I even remember in college there was this girl with bubble gum pink hair and I thought she was so hot.  Then Sophomore year she came back with her natural hair color and i realized she really wasn’t very good looking.  That’s the power of pink hair sometimes.  And let’s be honest, pink or whatever, Audrey Kitching clearly has great hair, she knows what she’s doing up there.  I just love it.  So today I want to fuck Audrey Kitching.