Tag: Model

Kate Upton is long over due to make a return here and I am not sure why she hasn’t. She has had a few different things for Yamamay come out in the past month or so and has just looked fantastic. Like seriously, it’s among the best she has ever looked. So why hasn’t she shown up? I have no idea. I don’t think I’ve been drunk for an entire month but then again if I blacked out how would I know if I was drunk or not? Was I so drunk I didn’t know I was drunk? It’s probably the only explanation because she really has looked amazing. So I am posting her today. Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Here is Candice Swanepoel because she cleans up pretty well. In case you didn’t know. Not much else going on there. As always, I have slipped in a secret picture where she is pregnant, enjoy trying to find that Easter Egg. Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

Over the course of this blog I have documented pretty thoroughly Candice Swanepoel’s clear obsession with me. You can click on the tag and go back if you’d like but the basic over view is she has always been way into me, sending me invitations to Victoria’s Secret stores in the mail, sending me huge glossy print pictures of her in her underwear and then going to the extra step to assemble an entire catalog around it so she could act casual like she wasn’t doing it just for me. Since then she has moved on to playing hard to get in the hopes of getting my attention. It’s pretty text book, date the same guy for 10 years, have a kid, get pregnant with a second child (which as always I sneakily snuck in a secret picture where she is pregnant. Don’t feel bad if you can’t figure out which one, as always it’s only for the most eagle eyed reader but if you are bored it’s a fun game to see if you can figure out which one). It’s all pretty text book stuff really. Now she has moved on to the next step which is a few times I have referred to her as Candy and more than one person has told me they like it when I call her candy. I have been told it’s cute and I have been told for some reason people just like it. Very clever. This one really took me by surprise and I am still figuring out the logistics of what is going on. Either Candice Swanepoel has influenced my friends to the point where they now ship the pair of us or it turns out this entire time some of my dearest friends have been sock puppets of Candice Swanepoel. And given we are talking in some cases about people I have met in real life built very complex lifelike robots to complete the illusion. I am leaning more towards the fan fiction route but Candice has been pregnant a lot lately, meaning she hasn’t been modeling, so she’s had time on her hands. Maybe she’s secretly developed an expertise in robotics? Some people would think that stretches credulity but let’s be honest, it’s no less believable than the idea that a human being could look as good in a bikini as she does. So… I am torn. Either way, well done, Candy, I can’t say you aren’t trying. Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

Here’s Miss Mosh cause… I dunno, cause it’s Monday? Is that a valid reason? I am maybe not entirely inspired today, I just think she’s really good looking and wanted to post her. That happens sometimes so enjoy. Today I want to fuck Miss Mosh.

Happy Easter everyone! I uh… hope it’s full of bunnirific goodness? Sure, that works. Anyway, be you religious and see this day about salvation and resurrection or if you see it as a the continuation of a long of Spring festivals that are about fertility and rebirth there is one thing we can all agree on, it’s that Easter is mainly about bikinis. I think it was Zeno of Citium who said, “Easter is basically about bikinis”. I think. So we’re all agreed and yesterday there were new pictures of Emily Ratajkowski’s swimwear line, so I guess she’s excited for Easter, too. So here she is. Hope you guys all have a good day. Today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

Here is Barbara Palvin cause she’s pretty hot. I guess you could disagree but at the same time I have included strong photographic evidence so… well, you’re wrong. You’re just embarrassing yourself. I am not even sure why you’d argue this. Is Barbara Palvin not being hot the hill you want to die on? Seems foolish to me. No one will come to your funeral, they’ll all be super embarrassed but also they won’t want to ruin their even tiny chance with Barbara Palvin by looking like they are endorsing your ludicrous stance. Here lies and Internet Dumbass. Too stupid to know Barbara Palvin was hot. No one wants that on their tombstone. Consider me your Ghost of Christmas Future. You may yet change these shadows I have shown you with an altered life. What I am saying is you’re welcome, I’ve probably saved your life with these pictures of Barbara Palvin. For the rest of you sorry, I mean, obviously you already knew she was hot but sometimes you have to reach out to hypothetical internet dumbasses and offer them a helping hand. Today I want to fuck Barbara Palvin.

Here is Candice Swanepoel. Eagle Eyed readers might have already picked out that she is possibly pregnant at the moment. I slipped in a picture where, obviously I can’t be sure and hate to say anything insulting, but I get the feeling she might be pregnant. Maybe. See if you can figure out which picture I mean. It’s like a game in the sense that not accidentally drowning yourself when you drink from a water fountain is a game. It’s possible to lose but very unlikely. Anyway I am posting her because she is really pretty. And I mean, obviously I like to throw her a bone now and then because of her clear obsession with me. I can’t say I condone taking the trying to play hard to get to get my attention tot he point of having multiple children but I sort of get it. In junior high I didn’t even realize it was to impress a girl until years later but I totally broke a finger acting like an idiot in gym class. SO you know.. I guess I am saying the pinkie is the second child of the hand. Or something. My point is that this is obviously some sort of kindness on my part, my willingness to admit that the highly successful model is attractive. You’re welcome, Candy. Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

So it’s weird with models how they are all pretty but some do nothing for me and some I am really attracted to. I often can’t actually put my finger on what it is about them. I guess maybe that’s true for everyone because some models are more successful than others and it isn’t like those who aren’t as successful are ugly or something. So it isn’t just looks, there must be a certain something. So a lot of times, even though this is a blog largely about me over-thinking why I am attracted to someone, it is a total mystery. I am just into that model. Other times it’s really easy to figure out. They started working with Calzedonia. Which probably sounds insane to almost everyone reading this except for a couple of my close friends who will either roll their eyes to tell me I am weird. But it’s true. This isn’t the first time it happened. But Robin Holzken started working for them this past year and immediately I knew her name. I dunno why. It’s like I dreamed it in response. Anyway, I have been watching her since then. Her career I should say, otherwise I have basically just written my own restraining order, and she is very attractive. And it just felt like it was time for me to post her. There was a new photoshoot by Josie Clough and Robin looked amazing and i was like, hey, I guess it’s time to post her. Cause she’s very pretty. Today I want to fuck Robin Holzken.

So I was watching some shorts on Crypt TV because I just assume that’s a thing everyone does when they can’t sleep and I got to the Sunny Family Cult and this girl Trew Mullen stood out immediately. Not that I knew her name, I had to look it up but I was like, “Hey, that girl murdering those teenagers is really pretty”. And you know, as she sorta seduced, sorta murdered the last one it was like, “She’s really sexy in a creepy way”. It’s a weird reaction but it was my reaction. I am not sure a girl with a knife covered in blood is something I am entirely comfortable finding attractive but I did. Do I guess. Anyway, then I looked her up and it turns out she’s a fashion model and so honestly her whole job is to look amazing so I think I get a pass here. I mean, it’s my blog, of course I get a pass. If I ever stop giving myself passes assume I am dead and someone else is typing this. Anyway, it turns out she is really, really good looking. And boy I am more than happy to post a model who did a damn fine job in a horror short. Like, it’s at it’s core what this blog was made for. Today I want to fuck Trew Mullen.

Here is Kelly Brook and if I am going to be honest I don’t know why. I mean, in the larger picture I know why, she is attractive, I find her attractive. But in general she just popped into my head last night and has stuck around. There is no cause I can think of. I did see some paparazzi pictures this morning but that came in the wrong order for cause and effect. Unless… I can make picture of celebrities appear by thinking about them. While that seems reasonable and explains the pictures it still doesn’t explain why I was thinking about her and why she is here. I am not complaining, I just usually have some sort of idea. I guess I will just have to deal with the mystery. It’s an important life lesson really, sometimes there isn’t an answer, move on and stop thinking about it, just enjoy the now. Enjoy the pictures of Kelly Brook. Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.