Emily DiDonato was in Vogue Greece and that’s exciting because she doesn’t show up in much these days (she’s going to school at Columbia and I guess Ivy League educations leave little time for modeling). So I am grateful to see her even if I am suspicious of just how Greek this issue of Vogue is. In fairness, I have not actually gotten my hands on the issues because I don’t know where you get Drachma, which I am going to assume is what Greeks use to pay for things because all of my knowledge of Greece comes from Mythology. But more importantly, my dear friend @wildflagsure is Greek and has confirmed many times to me the core thing that makes something Greek is Feta Cheese and Olives. Like if you have a piece of chicken and you want Greek Chicken? You add feta cheese and Olives. Greek Cocoa Puffs? Add Feta Cheese and Olives and maybe some Greek Yogurt. I won’t lie, I hate shitting on other cultures but that sounds disgusting to me. Still, that is what makes something Greek. They’re just like us except with Olives and Feta. The problem is, I looked at all the pictures and I don’t see any Olives or Feta cheese. Which makes me question if it is even a Greek Magazine at all. Maybe she has them stuffed into her pockets or something. Not how I would transport them but hey, I’m the sort of Philistine willing to shit on putting Olives and Feta in chocolate cake without even trying it. That is of course, the recipe for Greek Chocolate Cake. Anyway, Emily looked good and so I posted her. Because today I want to fuck Emily DiDonato.

Here is Emma Watson because the subconscious is a strange and magical place. Why is she on my mind? I can’t give you any concrete reason. I haven’t seen anything or read anything or heard anything. I don’t think. That last one is a bit more suspect because people are talking all the time when I walk by and maybe they are always talking about Emma Watson. This is possible. I don’t consciously eavesdrop or anything but the brain is always working. So maybe literally everywhere I live people are constantly all a flutter about Emma Watson and talking about her and it seeped in. It’s possible. Either way I had a dream about her last night. It seemed strange until I came up with my bulletproof people talking about her theory while I was writing this. Science fact at this point essentially. Mystery solved. Today I want to fuck Emma Watson.

So the Video for 5 in the Morning came out and thus I am posting Charli XCX. Cause I think Charli XCX is hot as fuck and I like her music. I don’t have any deeper meaning or thoughts there. I like how she looks. I like how she sounds. I quite like her in general. Today I want to fuck Charli XCX.

Tove Lo performed at a Pride Festival in New York and wow, she looked fantastic. Of note, going a truer blonde has done wonders for her. It’s weird, it’s such a small change in hair color but it is really working for me for some reason. She looks great. And you know, sparkly rainbow outfits are always good. I think. They don’t get work a lot, so maybe there are situations where they are bad. I have never been in a meeting in some fancy office where someone came in in a sparkly rainbow suit. Now that I bring it up I wish I had but I never have. But in situations where I have seen them I enjoy them. So today I want to fuck Tove Lo.

Janelle Monae is here because she looked amazing at the BET Awards last night. Just amazing. I can’t be that surprised because she almost always does. Like, I can see people criticize her attire now and then as being strange but to me that isn’t really a criticism so much as a bonus feature, but either way I can’t think of any other way you could ever attack her impeccable style. And yesterday’s rainbow dress is beyond reproach by anyone. Well, I say that, I am sure there is someone on the internet can come up with a reason but that is a person who just likes being wrong. I don’t get that at all. When I was much younger there was this Britney Spears game for play station where if you worked really hard and won the game you could be her back up dancer. Like, that was the whole point of the game. It always struck me as a game for people who enjoy feeling disappointed in their own fantasies. I feel like that is the kind of person who enjoys being wrong. I dunno. I don’t want to shame anyone too much but that’s some weird desire. So for people who don’t get off on being morons, her dress was perfect. So I am posting her. Today I want to fuck Janelle Monae.

Look, I know I just posted Natalie Dormer a couple of days ago but like… what do you want me to do? Not post pictures of Natalie Dormer? You know who else didn’t post pictures of Natalie Dormer? That’s right. Hitler. Now, I know he has experienced some inexplicable spike in popularity recently but I am here to tell you I don’t want to be like Hitler. Look, the Nazis were losers. Which, some people would try to dispute but those people are illiterate fuckheads so what do I care, they can’t read this. They’re illiterate. The Nazis lost to us. They lost to the Russians. They lose to the winter. They lost to the fucking mud in Russia. These guys were fucking losers. A sad, failed painter and his group of losers. And you know the only thing more pathetic than that? Someone who 60 years later looks at that and decides as a life style they want to cosplay that. It’s pathetic. And I’m a lot of things but I’m not pathetic. So complain if you want about me posting Natalie Dormer two times in three days but you’ll just have to deal with it. Because I don’t brook with Nazis. So I had to. Because I love freedom. Today I want to fuck Natalie Dormer.

So when I was a kid my dad used to take me to the racetrack and would give me $5 and told me I could get something to eat or I could place a bet and grow my money and thus get something to eat and go home with money as well. I guess this could surprise some people but really, you couldn’t have thought this blog was the end result of good parenting. Anyway, I am far from some horse whisperer or magical handicapper or anything but I know a fair bit about rating horseflesh. Enough so I guess that I don’t find it disturbing to use the phrase horseflesh. I mean, I can read a racing form and I mean I know parimutuel isn’t some stock brokerage. Anyway, my point is I am not a complete novice when it comes to this kind of thing but I have absolutely no clue what stupid hats have to do with horse racing. Especially cause the only stupid hats we really had were when some guy got really drunk and put a popcorn box on his head or something. Now, a cynical person would say that stupid hats have nothing to do with horse racing at all but are instead a way for the wealthy to separate the prestige of the events they attend and the tracks they frequent from the ones the hoi polloi do. A cynical person would say that. Me, I figure that can’t be, no one would wear a hat that stupid to feel better than someone else because you can’t possibly feel superior to anyone when you wear a dumb ass hat. Well, not for long. When I went to college a bunch of dudes would wear bucket hats to seem cool or hip or unique or whatever soul sucking insecurity inhabits the hearts of 18 year olds and forces them to choose an affectation to feel special. My point is they were everywhere. And they all got mocked and within a month the bucket hats were gone. None of those guys ever grew up to be Queen so if they could figure it out rich people must be able to. Anyway, here is Kelly Brook in some stupid hats because despite all this I do kind of like the stupid hats. Not enough to ever want to like, be seen with one, but I do kind of enjoy the pictures once a year from the Royal Ascot and the Kentucky Derby. Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

Here is Natalie Dormer because she was at a launch for some Tiffany thing and she looked absolutely fantastic. Like, wow, she looked so good in that red dress. And so she’s here because the simple truth is Natalie Dormer just doesn’t have to try that hard to get posted here. I mean that in the sense that she just exudes this sexuality that part of me feels like a single look from her would be enough for most people.. So she looks as good as she does there and what is a person supposed to do? It’s almost the law that I have to post her. Today I want to fuck Natalie Dormer.

Anna Kendrick was at Refinery 29’s 29 Rooms opening and hey, that means she was in a picture and thus I am posting her. Because I like Anna Kendrick. She looked good also which helps. Sorry, I have nothing more insightful to say about any of them. Hope your week is going well. Today I want to fuck Anna Kendrick

So Jessica Chastain is in Paris for… I dunno some reason. Baguettes? The Culture? I saw a picture of a Pizza vending machine in Paris once. Maybe she really wanted to try it. Not a thing I would go to Paris for but then again I’m a pretty shitty actor so I am not about to question her methods. Anyway, she is there and stunning so I am posting her. I haven’t seen her in anything new so I can’t really go on and on about how great she is on screen in any way that isn’t a rehash of what I have said before but that’s ok, she doesn’t need my praise, she has all that vending machine pizza to warm her soul. Today I want to fuck Jessica Chastain.