Tag: blonde

So I know I just posted Kate Upton.  I know this.  I also know I told you I had a problem.  Did you not believe me?  I meant it.  Or wait… maybe I didn’t?  I think I’m going to try playing it much cooler from now on.  I was discussing recently that if she wanted to I guess I would sleep with Kate Upton.  If she saved me from ninjas.  Because I’m nice.  And out of a sense of obligation.  What I am saying, is if you’re reading this I might consider sleeping with you, Kate.  Maybe, if you play your cards right.  See, now I will seem totally mysterious, what do I think makes me so great?  Who knows but she’ll need to possess it.  I know, pretty crafty.  Well, I can be pretty clever for the right inspiration.  Pretty clever when today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Amanda Seyfried is here because she is very pretty and I like her.  I don’t post her as much as I feel like I should, which is silly, I have never resisted posting her but I feel like the amount I have posted her isn’t reflective of how much I like her.  I have liked her for a long time, like longer than some of you have been alive (Can we talk for a second about how Mean Girls was 10 years ago?  Really, I know how young some of my followers are, you were still potty training then).  She was the girl with the great boobs and pretty hair.  Now she is the girl with the great hair and pretty boobs (I am not knocking her boobs, I just liked them a little more before, I am not like… against her boobs now.  I promise you I’m not because if I was I wouldn’t be wasting my time typing.  Cheap joke?  Sure but I mean… I don’t have to explain myself to you, just let me think about my boobs a minute and then I’ll wrap this up…)

Ok, I’m back.  The point is she is talented and pretty and pretty and talented.  Big eyes, hair, boobs, whatever, I can’t necessarily come up with like the perfect explanation.  I just know that today I want to fuck Amanda Seyfried.

Here is Kate Upton, or as I like to think of her: the future Plaintiff in Kate Upton vs. Whoiwanttofucktoday.  (That’s a restraining order joke folks.  Is it too vague?  I can’t tell.  My point is I am obsessed, dangerously so.  Really, I need help…) Anyway, she is here because she is great and hot and I like her a lot.  I can’t tell you why.  Like I know most people will say it’s the boobs and the body or whatever but… I don’t know, there are a lot of boobs and like literally everyone has a body of some sort.  There is something special.  Maybe only I get it.  Maybe we have a special connection.  Definitely this post will be used as evidence in the civil hearing that results in me not being allowed within 500 feet of her.  You know what’s most damning?  When I end this post by saying today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Jennifer Lawrence is back.  Why?  Because it’s my blog and I can do whatever the hell I want.  Sometimes I really don’t have a reason other than it’s what popped into my head.  I think she’s talented, I think she is funny, I think she is hot.  She’s a triple threat.  Today I want to fuck Jennifer Lawrence.

Here is Scarlett Johansson because she is one of my favorites and I watched videos of her playing pattycake back stage at the Tonys and it was pretty adorable.  I am not sure what else to say here, she has shown up a lot, obviously I like her a lot.  She is sexy and gorgeous and… I have been into her for like 13 years now or something.  It’s a seriously long time at this point.  Somehow I am old but she is not.  Magic of celebrity.  Today I want to fuck Scarlett Johansson.

Here is Brea Grant who is probably best know for being on Heroes.  I knew her from there.  I thought she was pretty in Friday Night Lights.  I guess she was in Halloween II but I have blocked that out of my mind the best I can so I don’t remember.  I kind of forgot she existed.  Nothing against her, just forgot.  Anyway, I finally caught up on last week’s Maron and she was in it and it was like, oh yeah, she was really pretty.  She had a look I liked.  Not just cause she was in a bra and then a tight shirt.  She’s pretty but I don’t have anything else to say I guess except today I want to fuck Brea Grant.

It has gotten pretty warm out but it is nice and sunny and pretty outside and for some reason that weather seems suited for Blake Lively.  I don’t know why.  Breezy Blonde with a great smile seems made for warm weather.  That makes no sense.  I mean I know her from Gossip Girl which filmed in winters and New York gets cold.  She looked very good there.  I guess I just feel her natural habitat must be Southern California.  Or I could be wrong, look, real talk time people, I slept funny and I keep thinking this headache will go away but it hasn’t.  So I am like… just kinda out of it, tired, sore, attracted to Blake Lively but not entirely articulate.  Do you care?  Probably not but sometimes I just ramble.  Anyway, today I want to fuck Blake Lively.

Man, it is hot outside.  Which you guys probably don’t care about but I am telling you, it is hot out.  I know because I was out for a walk and I can tell you first hand, it’s getting hot.  Which is why I am posting Kristen Bell.  Or not directly but my mind wandered while walking and I started thinking about Kristen Bell as I am want to do.  Then I came home because it was hot and I wanted to cool off.  And then I was like, well, here I am thinking about Kristen Bell.  I guess we know what that means… and thus today I want to fuck Kristen Bell.

Sometimes when it rains it pours.  Like last weekend at this time I was pretty bored.  This weekend has been wall to wall excitement and I have way too much media to consume.  Stuff is backing up.. why did Arrested Development have to wait for this weekend?   Anyway, I also got more Happy Endings in the mail and so I have to watch that (have to).  Good news is it is still a lot of fun and Elisah Cuthbert is still very pretty.  I still feel strange that like… she is having this Renaissance with me, especially because I am finding 12 year old pictures of her.  Apparently also her stomach is a thing.  I mean, I know it exists, it is a thing, I think I would have noticed if she didn’t have a stomach but I mean it’s like a thing. My searching brougth me a lot of people out there making Elisha Cuthbert Stomach Appreciation posts.  It’s a nice stomach, I didn’t realize that was what people focused on with her.  Didn’t she usually wear shirts in 24?  I have no clue, I’m babbling.  Anyway, she is hot and here she is and today I want to fuck Elisha Cuthbert.

I don’t think it’s exactly a secret that I consider Mosh one of the most beautiful women alive.  I know that’s like really high praise but I believe it.  I post a lot of attractive women but for me she stands out.  It’s hard to put into words but one of my favorite people on tumblr taught me an awesome phrase the other day, “Sem Sal” which is basically just Portuguese for No Salt which is commonly used in Brazil and it’s perfect.  Because there are things like that for you.  In the case of girls there might be a girl who is great looking, by every objective standards she just looks amazing but…. you don’t care.  She’s sem sal, she doesn’t have that extra spice or flavor you personally need to feel the thing, that extra drive that makes the person move from pretty to actively attractive to you.  I bring this up for Mosh because she would be basically the exact opposite of that.  She is undeniably pleasant to look at, I think most people would agree but she has that something extra that just puts her at a whole other tier in my mind. There are a lot of alternative models and a lot of successful ones but something about her just makes me place her way above the pack in my mind.  The thing is I can’t describe what it is, I guess if I could articulate that I could bottle and sell it and I’d be a millionaire.  All I can do is put up pictures and point out whatever it is that elevates her she has it.  Mosh is special.  Today I want to fuck Miss Mosh.