Tag: Candice Swanepoel

Candice Swanepoel has announced she is pregnant with her second child and it’s a pretty naked attempt to get a reaction out of me… no, you know what, I’ll run this joke into the ground some more another time.  Nothing Candice Swanepoel does is about me.  Nor is it about you.  A top level model gets pregnant and in comes the choruses that involve one of my most hated phrases, “she’ll ruin her body”.  Boy, what year is it?  Do I, the creep who runs a blog called who I want to fuck today of all places, have to be the one to explain this?  A woman cannot ruin her body if she is doing what she wants with it. Literally cannot be ruined because it belongs to her and she is using it for what she wants to use it, thus it is not ruined by highly functional an fulfilling to her. What a woman chooses to do with her body cannot ruin it, no matter how much you would not do that to your body, that includes getting pregnant, getting a boob job, getting boob reduction, gaining weight, losing weight, getting tattoos, getting piercings, cutting her hair, I dunno, some other thing that I am sure someone has strong opinions on.  None of this counts as ruining anything.  And I know for some people it seems like an innocuous statement but it isn’t and I’ll be honest, I have read a lot of the comments and it’s not innocuous.  At best it’s catty bullshit at worst it’s far more vile.  I really like pictures of pretty women.  A lot.  They are a privilege, not a right.  It’s important to remember that.  If we are lucky enough that someone like Candice Swanepoel gets in front of a camera then we are lucky.  She doesn’t owe it to us.  She doesn’t owe us to look a certain way.  Maybe we could keep this in mind in general. Maybe in general we could just remind ourselves most things aren’t about us and use a little empathy to think it through from others sides.  I know this post sounds like a women’s issues thing but it’s more just a being decent to people thing.  I just happen to think women are people.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

So there was a viewing party for the Victoria Secret Fashion show last night and Candice Swanepoel looked fantastic on the red carpet.  She was wearing like… I think they might have been pajamas.  Which makes me think it was a slumber party but no one else was wearing pajamas.  They are see through and just very fun to look at and well… look, it was very clever of her.  Besides the fact that I love the look, it’s pretty well documented that I love slumber parties.  You can ask my friend @lunoboom if she actually ever sees this and logs on, she often accused me of being obsessed with slumber parties.  And it’s well known that Candice Swanepoel is obsessed with me.  I thought she had given up but no, she’s just gotten more subtle.  My two favorite things? Slumber parties and… things that kinda look like those pajamas that might not be pajamas it might just be too fashion forward for me?  Everyone knows those are my two favorite things.  Very clever, Candy, you win this time, I’m posting you. Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

Victoria’s Secret’s Fashion Show was this past weekend and pictures of it have been popping up and so here is Candice Swanepoel.  I know I already posted her this weekend but that was unrelated.  That was me being busy and nice pictures of her being easy to find.  This is me seeing pictures of her walking for the show and liking them and so I am posting a bunch of pictures of her at this year’s and past year’s shows.  Radically different posts.  Except for the main point which is that today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

I am busy as a bee this weekend.  And not one of those lazy ass bees that is all like, “No, totally, I will meet you guys at the flower” and then sits around eating honey all day and when the other bees get back he’s like, “Oh you meant that flower?  I was wondering where you guys were.  I went to a totally different flower”.  Anyway, I am so busy I have no idea what’s going on but Candice Swanepoel is pretty and I am too busy to really write a decent post.  I’ll need you guys to just finish this entry.  Boy, I sure am <adjective> today.  Lots of <noun> going on this weekend.  So I have posted Candice Swanepoel because she is <adjective> and <adjective>.  Also because she looks good in lingerie.  Here she is in <adjective lingerie.  Sorry for those of you who prefer her in <article of clothing> but this is what I chose instead.  Anyway, she is here because I like her.  She actually is better than a <container> full of <plural noun>.  That went <adverb>.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

New work from Candice Swanepoel continues to trickle out and that is certainly nice to see.  I wouldn’t mind if it turned into a torrent but give it time I suppose.  She has looked good.  She often does.  On account of being good looking.  I don’t have a lot more to say than that though.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

Candice Swanepoel is working for Victoria’s Secret again after a pretty long stretch off thanks to things like babies and so on.  I mean, we are getting some pictures but they are trickling out, it’s not the normal flood but I assume that’s because we’re not actually getting anything real yet, just behind the scenes.  A lot of people seem relieved which is hilarious because it reveals what I have seen a lot of since she got pregnant, this panic that she’d never model again. It was like, at most 6 or 7 months between shoots, it’s not really that long but just that little time away was more than enough to make people panic.  Which is probably why she thinks this all worked on me.  Her whole hard to get thing where she gets engaged and has a baby and the pictures slow a good bit. Classic hard to get.  Nice try, Candy, nice try.  It’s been painfully obvious to everyone who has followed me that she is obsessed with me of course but she took a hard turn into hard to get territory, I mean, it’s been about a year since Victoria’s Secret suddenly ended it’s print catalog and, well, let’s be honest, that’s pretty transparent ploy for my attention.  I get it, make me miss what I took for granted.  It hasn’t worked of course.  Mostly.  I mean sure sometimes I think about Candice Swanepoel but I stand resolute.  It’s flatter but… ok, look maybe today it’s working. But overall whatever.  Just today.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

The Tony’s were last night and what a strange and interesting world where there are theater awards and the person who stood out is a model who, as far as I know, has done no acting.  Certainly I am unaware of any on the stage. Candice Swanepoel looked really nice though and it’s nice to get the rare red carpet look from her.  She looked really good and that’s about it. Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

Here are a bunch of pictures of Candice Swanepoel in swimsuits but this is a post about pretty dresses.  Candice posted this week that her dress for the Met Gala has arrived which was very exciting because it means she’s going to the Met Gala and also it means the Met Gala is almost there guys.  For those who care about pretty dresses, the Met Gala is the biggest deal event of the year.  Probably.  Or close.  Well, there are lots of things with pretty dresses but the Met Gala is a pretty huge deal and there is always a lot of speculation about who will attend and so on.  Now, to celebrate I would have posted pictures of Candice Swanepoel in pretty dresses but they are really hard to find because there are so many pictures of Candice Swanepoel and most are of her in swimsuits or underwear and I am super lazy so I took the easiest route.  Which is why I am glad she’s going, it’ll be a thrilling chance to get to see some red carpet fashion from her.  Also, this i convenient cause she lives in Brazil like a lot of the time and today is the birthday of Brazil’s Greatest Daughter, @lunoboom so wish her happy birthday guys.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

Here is Candice Swanepoel who is getting back to work post baby and that is kind of exciting.  She came up yesterday in a discussion with my dear friend @wildflagsure.  I happen to find Candice attractive but my friend does not because she said she, “Probably can’t even put someone in a decent headlock”.  I find that to be a strange standard for beauty but you know, to each their own.  I happen to think Candice Swanepoel is very pretty.  I have to modulate what I say a little bit, I don’t want to give her false hope since it’s pretty well documented at this point that she has been trying to seduce me for years, what with the classic hard to get tactics of getting engaged and having a baby and starting a family.  I of course cleverly see through this, just like I used to see through the so called ‘catalogs" that were full of pictures of her in her underwear she used to send to my house. I do have to admit, she is very pretty though.  And I do look forward to her doing more work.  And you know, I bet she could do at least a passable headlock.  She seems pretty capable to me.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

Candice Swanepoel has started doing her first modeling gig post birth of her child and it’s pretty exciting to see her get back to work.  The first previews have come out and she looks good because of course she does, that’s her thing.  I mean, if I was into that.  I am indifferent.  Obviously it’s well documented she’s always trying to seduce me so the work is good for her.  To take her mind off of things.  Sorry, I am tired, I am only half assing my delusions today.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.