Tag: Model

Happy Easter everyone.  I hope you guys got lots of whatever you want for Easter.  For me that’s Cadbury Creme Eggs.  I have been told they are just not for adults and my friends claim they cannot get a single one down, they are too sweet. My friends are losers, quitters, and this is why they will never amount to anything in life.  None of this has anything to do with Candice Swanepoel really.  Believe me, I tried to come up with some sort of bullshit Easter connection but I couldn’t. She’s just here because she’s hot.  I mean, I guess maybe this is the holiday really most closely tied to my blog since all our Easter traditions are tied up in ancient fertility rites and so on but it’s a stretch.  Candice is gorgeous and um… that’s it.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

So I have mentioned before that I typically am not for paparazzi shots.  I mean like walking around in public ones.  Something about them is just a little creepy.  But I can’t seem to help it with Kelly Brook because she has just looked amazing recently.  And the British press sure loves to take her picture going to her car, or the store, or a meeting, or to buy booze or basically anything that require her to go outside.  And part of me is like, I really don’t like posting a bunch of these pictures, it kind of creates demand for a thing I don’t really endorse.  Then the other part of me goes, “But look, Kelly Brook looks fucking amazing”.  And then fucking amazing wins out.  I have heard it said about the French Revolution, as the Revolutionaries basically ended up doing the same things they accused the old system of doing, that when Principles meat Expediency, Expediency wins.  I guess what it boils down to here is that when Principals meet pictures of Kelly Brook looking amazing, Kelly Brook looking amazing wins.  So today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

Kate Upton hasn’t shown up here in like a million years.  Or a month and a half.  Either way it’s really long by this blog’s standards because I used to post her almost every day once upon a time. Or so it seemed.  I don’t know, as she has gotten more popular new pictures of her come out less often.  It’s a strange thing with celebrity, as you become more valuable you often seem to work less.  Or maybe need to work less.  Or maybe I am imagining it.  I don’t know, I didn’t sleep great to be honest.  The point is Kate Upton is still very hot and there were some new photos recently from her work with Express and I guess those ones from Edit Magazine.  So that’s something.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Here is Emily DiDonato because I guess her eyes.  But also probably because she often models the best tights.  Also because it is early and for some reason she just popped into my head.  I don’t really have a lot more to say about that, I have discussed her before and even gone into long inquisitive tangents about why she sticks in my head when many models don’t.  People helpfully offered their explanations and basically all of them told me it was her eyes.  So it’s probably her eyes.  Today I want to fuck Emily DiDonato.

Once I was in a bar talking to this girl and she was a Linguist.  She was explaining to me about what lab experiments they were running and it had to do with sound shifts and I excitedly perked up and said, “Oh, sound shifts.  You mean like Grimm’s Law!”  I was excited to know what she was talking about but she was really excited because I knew what Grimm’s Law was.  She wanted to know how on Earth I knew that.  I didn’t have an answer for her and kind of just had to shrug and say, “I dunno, I just know stuff”.  I bring this up not to impress you all but because Mel Clarke is a lot like Grimm’s law.  Not that Mel Clarke has anything to do with why Germanic languages use an F sound where Romance Languages use a P sound from the original Indo-European root, I mean she might be, I am not an expert, I am a dilettante clearly, I just mean I don’t know why I know who Mel Clarke is but I do and I feel like I always have.  Now it’s very unlikely I have always known who she is because I don’t think she modeled for the first 18 years of her life but it seems like the entire time she has been modeling i have been like, “Oh yeah, that girl with the amazing eyes and dark hair, that’s Mel Clarke”.  I just knew.  And she has always been all over tumblr, she even has her own tumblr.  But being the dilettante I am I basically know she is British, she is a model, she is a DJ.  I know nothing more.  Other than the fact that she is just gorgeous.  And she must be amazingly good at her job for her to be a fact my brain just knows, like Grimm’s Law or who the only English King is with the epitaph The Great.  So there you have it, Mel Clarke, Alfred the Great, and Grimm’s Law, among the most important things to ever come out of England.  Except Grimm’s law, that was German, it just helps explain parts of our language. Man, this went off the tracks.  Today I want to fuck Mel Clarke.

So I was sitting down thinking I was going to post someone else today and now I can’t even remember who that was because a blog I follow emilyratajkowskilovers decided to post a bunch of pictures of Emily Ratajkowski from FHM.  And apparently Emily Ratajkowski pushed thoughts of all other women out of my head because I was like, just obsessed with finding that photoshoot and it became clear I was going to post Emily Ratajkowski today.  Because she is so damn hot.  I don’t feel like i am really breaking news here or anything but she is that special level of attractive where she can just dominate my brain.  I really cannot remember who I originally was going to post.  It doesn’t matter, this blog is all about truth and the simply truth is today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

Fun fact: (Disclaimer: Aformentioned Fact is Fun only to the blog owner.  Blog Owner makes no guarantee that the following fact will be found to be “fun” by any persons reading this blog. All uses of the phrases “fun”, “cool”, “neat”, and “awesome” are not statements of fact or even generally accepted opinion, they are strictly that of the Blog Owner.) you is our most versatile pronoun as we use it for any gender and for both singular and plural uses.  Of course, it wasn’t always this way, you are likely aware of the words Thee and Thy which existed in middle English as other forms of the second person pronoun.  Believe it or not these were the informal pronouns, if you are familiar with romance languages you likely know you use one form of You for friends and another for people who command respect or are strangers.  During the turmoil that was England as modern English arose and the decline of nobility and the rise of a middle class people became confused who should get what form, so to be safe people just started calling everyone except their closest family and friends you..  Eventually they were calling everyone you.  Thee, Thine, Thy, all of those died in common usage but held on in poetry because since they were more personal they also were more intimate.  You wouldn’t address someone you were making out with as Mr. Johnson, or Captain Smith or whatever, right? I mean, you might but it would be a roleplay thing, not a social norm.  So in love poetry obviously you would be casual.  So these old forms of the ponouns are actually the most casual you can be about them. But because they basically survive in poetry, Shakespeare, and the Bible we think of them as highly formal and fancy.  This is because they are old and despite the fact that most people didn’t shower because showers weren’t even invented, literally threw human waste into the street, and wore the same clothes multiple day in a row, we somehow think of the past as fancy as opposed to the alarmingly ripe place it must have been.  Thus that guy in the strange hat who comes up to you in the bar calls you “m’lady” and starts throwing about thees and thous and what not.  He thinks he’s being fancy but he’s actually being overly familiar, just like when he tries to kiss your hand.  Anyway, I feel like black and white is about the same thing.  Lots of people on tumblr take someone else’s photo, hit it with some greyscale and call it art cause it’s fancy.   I didn’t do that, these were black and white to begin with but I am embracing the illusion of sophistication.  This is high class lust today ladies and gentlemen.  Fun fact: Today I want to fuck Emily DiDonato.

So I was making some joke to a friend the other day about the artful use of sand or dirt or whatever that is often employed with models to keep the picture PG instead of R.  I said it sure was lucky for the magazine that the sand stuck in all the right places to make sure they could use that picture of Emily Ratajkowski.  She told me that’s just how nipples work, they’re basically like magnets.  I didn’t know this going in because nothing I majored in was anything close to a science.  Basically if I can’t bullshit my way through it by being clever and low level charming it’s not for me.  It turns out it doesn’t matter how you move your eyebrows and make suggestive comments about the reproductive system, you’re not getting through Anatomy if you can’t memory shit.  Anyway, I bring this up in case any women I have been involved with in the past are reading.  I just want to point out that nipples work like magnets.  I have fillings.  Thus I was not “breast obsessed”.  It was science making me it’s bitch.  I had no choice.  Anyway, here are a bunch of pictures of Emily Ratajkowski who I guess is kind of attractive if really attractive girls are your thing.  I am pretty sure I could go into something about anatomy or breasts (there has to be a joke about my eyes also being metal or something.  Some reason my eyes keep drifting where they do).  I am not going into any of that though because honestly, who reads this shit?  The point is she is very hot, I like her, her pictures were probably the best or second best from the Swimsuit Issue so today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

So yesterday after complaining a little bit about no snow I finally got my snow!  10 inches!  I kinda knew it was coming but I had my doubts because like… we were supposed to get snow in December and it totally bitched out.  Not this time, this time it snowed and for the first time in the history of the internet when someone starts claiming something is 10 inches you can trust it!  So I am posting Alexis Ren because while I love the snow I am already kind of bitching about the cold. I live in a lovely old building but if it has a flaw it is that with radiator heat I have hot and cold spots and the cold spots are fucking cold today.  It’s 10 degrees outside.  It was below 0 last night at one point.  That’s fucking cold.  I actually found myself googling Key West earlier to read up about it.  I have never had the urge to go to Key West before but cold   So I think that’s why Alexis Ren is here.  She looks warm in these pictures.  She’s a California girl and beaches and girls in bikinis and stuff all sound very appealing at the moment.  Like I think my mind is just going that direction and I am not one to fight it.  Because she is pretty and yeah, a beach sounds nice.  I wish there was like…  away to live at the beach and get snow.  That would be sweet.  Anyway, Alexis Ren.  She’s pretty.  I mean, obviously.  Look.  So today I want to fuck Alexis Ren.

I always feel a bit of pressure when I post the lovely and amiable pigeonfoo.  Basically cause I know she is going to read this.  Sure, there are other people I have posted who have read what i have written and I know they might read it if I post them and so on but I know Pigeon Foo is going to read it.  Which means I can’t really half ass it and go uh, “hey look, it’s Pigeon Foo.  Bird Joke Bird Joke, End”.  Actually, now I kind of want to erase this whole thing and just write that.  I am so tempted, maybe next time.  Anyway, I am posting Pigeon Foo cause she is… uh foobulous?  Yeah, that was terrible, if you have a better joke go start your own blog and post her on it.  No, really, I am pretty sure she’d appreciate it.  But I like Foo, if you are lucky enough to have talked to her you’ll know she’s pretty epically awesome and seriously, check out her hair in the first and third picture.  That is unreal, right?  Like that first picture?  Her hair is just amazing.  I love it!  It looks so good and even though she had long hair when I first noticed her it somehow feels the most Pigeon Foo of any hair I have ever seen.  At least to me.  That’s why I posted those pictures.  I usually have a reason for posting every picture I post.  Like the second to last one.  Well, I guess it’s obvious why I chose that one.  The snow out in the yard.  Look at it!  I love snow.  I am so jealous of the snow.  It basically hasn’t snowed here at all this year.  Very jealous of the snow in that pictures.  I am sure it’s the first thing you guys all noticed.  So there you go, a lot of words saying nothing in honor of pigeonfoo.  That’s twice I have linked her and I know I get a lot of new followers all the time, go check her tumblr out.  Today I want to fuck Pigeon Foo.