Tag: Model

I have had a cold all weekend and colds are the worst in that they are not at all the worst.  Everyone gets them, there is nothing you can do, you just have to cope.  You don’t want to cope though because you’re tired, you’re cranky, you don’t feel good, you basically just want to curl up and sleep but you can’t sleep very long at all because your cold makes that impossible.  So what you really want to do is whine about it and be pampered but then you realize that everyone gets cold so there isn’t a lot of sympathy.  My point is that for the most part I haven’t been filled with any sort of over riding passion or desire this weekend or even found myself thinking about celebrities much in general, I feel like I have been making comfort pics.  You know, sometimes when you feel bad you have that special meal or food that makes you feel better to a degree.  This is like that.  Well, let’s ignore the what you want to eat part, I didn’t mean to make that connection, I just meant sometimes you want something comfortable, we all have our favorites, Kate Upton is one of mine.  Also, her breasts look comfortable.  I mean, I’m just saying, worst came to worst and I had to rest my head somewhere I think it would be an ok spot.  That’s all.  Purely thinking about logistics here.  And her breasts.  And well all of her, Kate Upton is pretty hot.  I say that like I didn’t know it before but as I am typing it I am remembering it and so today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Today I was awoken by my longtime nemesis, the road race, more specifically a marathon.  Now, I am all for people getting up way too fucking early and running distances that are unhealthy for the human body in honor of battles fought 2500 years ago, we all can see why that’s important, what I have never understood is why they require people on megaphones shouting encouragement while Moves like Jagger plays in the background.  I don’t understand the mechanics of running enough to really get why a bunch of middle aged suburbanites forming drum circles and playing the summer hits of 4 years ago helps people run 26 miles but it must because otherwise you’d have to be an asshole to pump My Humps outside my bedroom window at 6 AM.  No one would play that song if there wasn’t a damn good reason, right?  Anyway, you are probably wondering what this has to do with my post today and the answer is nothing, sometimes it’s just fun to bitch.  I’m cranky, it’s early, and I can barely hear myself think because right at this moment Super Bass is playing so loud my ears might bleed (for the third time! If you’re going to blast music can’t you get more than like 12 songs?  Christ a Shuffle holds like 100!).  So I guess… I want to rush to Kelly Brook’s comforting arms?   I don’t know, I am sure there is something really twisted and Freudian that I could write about finding comfort in the bosom of whatever, the simple fact is I have been poking around for pictures this morning and today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

I woke up this morning thinking about Candice Swanepoel.  I don’t know why, this happens sometimes.  You know sometimes you wake up singing a song and you have no clue why?  You haven’t listened to it recently, it’s just some tweak of the brain.  Today I woke up thinking about those eyes, they are just amazing.  So blue.  Of course, she’s gorgeous head to toe, it’s kind of interesting to me the place she holds in the pantheon of hot girls, multiple people I know have marked her as one of hottest women alive, including 3 separate women who have told me that while not into girls they would sleep with her.  I am not sure what causes that but I am going to say it’s the eyes because when I think of her I think of her eyes first, they stick with you.  It could be that she’s a Victoria’s Secret Model tough.  Whatever the reason, today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

Last time I posted Pigeon Foo I ended up writing a book and while I stand by everything I said I think part of that was it was the first person I was posting that I knew was going to see it before I posted it, so I wanted to do a good job.  They say you should not write for everyone but write just for yourself or one specific person in mind, otherwise you end up with a clusterfuck that pleases no one.  I usually just write for myself but sadly I am not the existentialist I wish I was so I can’t just write everything and pretend I don’t care what someone might think.  Which gets me to today’s point, or secondary point since I guess the main point is always the same, it’s the name of this blog.  I think models are really brave.  I think anyone who creates and puts something out there is brave because we’re collectively a bunch of vicious assholes who have fooled ourselves into thinking negativity is somehow more authentic and true when looking at something.  I get to be anonymous here, a few people who follow me really know me and a few more get to know the real me through conversations but I have a pretty powerful shield of you have no fucking clue who I am, it deflects most criticism.  Some people though have pictures of themselves naked out there and man, I don’t think I’d be able to deal with the 1 negative comment about it even if I got 100 positive.  Models really have no barrier, they are putting just them out there, their art is themselves and man the criticism… well, I think it’s brave.  I think more interestingly is that the universal opinion among those people who have spoken to me about her is that Pigeon Foo is pretty awesomely nice and pleasant.  I think I’d be a sarcastic ass and distrust anyone who put something in my ask but she will answer pretty much anything I send her, even the naive ones about if a mask is real or not.  All of this just makes he awesome and appealing.  Also she’s pretty and you can see her boobs if you go to her tumblr.  I do like boobs.  I like Pigeon Foo.  Today I want to fuck Pigeon Foo.

You know those long rambling posts where I mention for me a three way has to make sense for me, that I am such a nerd there needs to be some sort of internal logic or something. (Spider-Man and Batman can’t just team up! They are separate universes, you have to have a reason!)  Well… fuck it.  Today is a big day and it’s all about me so I want what I want and I am greedy.  I don’t think it’s a secret that Kristen Bell is like my number one all time celebrity crush.  And you have probably noticed Kate Upton gets posted a lot because I am incredibly attracted to her.  Well, I was sitting here with conflicting feelings, I couldn’t decide between the two and then it was like, fuck it, I have an imagitarium here, I can do anything I want.  There are no rules! (Well, there have to be some rules or there will be chaos but that’s a whole other thing, fuck the rules for right now).  So this is what I want today.  Hell, we can take turns, whatever but today I want to fuck Kristen Bell and Kate Upton.

Last time I posted Rosie Jones I very cleverly (ok, not that cleverly) posted only pictures of her with a Union Jack in them.  Most people did not notice.  It was a discussion I had with more than one person and I had to point it out.  I was talking to one friend about it and pointed out the flag and she agreed and it was only a few minutes later she said, “Oh, there’s one in each picture!"  I told her this was understandable, she was distracted by boobs which pretty much means Rosie Jones was doing her job.  Like as a topless glamour model were she to not get you to look at her boobs she would be very bad at what she does.  Which lead me to wonder if these sorts of girls aren’t actually working for MI-6, what better way to hide communications to spies than with boobs.  You could just print them in magazines and no one would notice.  I mean, hiding troop movements? Easy, just make sure the Russian satellite photos have a topless Rosie Jones and no one would even notice the tanks.  This all strikes me as the sort of genius espionage work that years of Bond movies taught me to expect and I think we all know there is something attractive about a spy, so today I want to fuck Rosie Jones.

Last time I wrote about Kelly Brook I just wrote boobs a bunch of times and thought I was pretty hilarious.  It proved to be my most popular Kelly Brook post ever so I am hoping that means everyone agreed that I am hilarious.  Thing is, I have no clue why I wrote that.  I mean, look at Kelly Brook, is the first thing you think of boobs?  I mean, she has brown hair also, she has a lovely accent, though I guess you can’t hear it.  She’s really good at… fuck, she’s really good at standing there and looking good and making my eyes focus on her chest.  She has a nice ass, too!  And, overall she’s in very good shape.  She has all her own teeth!  Often her dresses are sparkly and shiny!  I… I give up.  BOOBS!!!!  BOOOOOOBS!  Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

It seems like everyone has a favorite Victoria’s Secret Model.  Or at least everyone I know.  But I have seen people defend their favorite model with a passion reserved for team sports.  I had a friend years ago who was quite angry when somehow it came up that Laetitia Casta was just not in the catalog as much as Heidi Klum.  He actually said it was bullshit because everyone knows Laetitia is way hotter (I mean everyone knows! Beauty isn’t subjective!  It’s easily quantifiable, comparable, and objective. GOD!)  I am not quite sure why this is, perhaps human nature has us feel protective and loyal to the things we consider our own.  So if you happen to think a girl is prettier than these other really pretty girls maybe you’re just inclined to defend that.  It’s like the music we like, the books we choose to read, the movie we love, they are part of our self-identity. so of course we feel loyalty to it, we aren’t defending Laetitia Casta, we’re defending ourselves.  Which brings me to me and Doutzen Kroes.  There is no Doutzen and I obviously but there was a point where I would have ranked her as my favorite Victoria’s Secret model.  Now, I tend to be all over the map, especially with models who I never feel a deep connection to in the same way I do others but even I have favorites, mine just tend to change more often.  But before Candice Swanepoel there was Doutzen Kroes for me.  And now when I see a headline where some place is talking about how hot she is I feel strangely proud, like good for her.  I guess it means I was right.  It makes me double right because sure I have someone I like better now but I was so right back then that I have like, two Victoria’s Secret models that I can be proud of my taste in (because the rest are so ugly, right?  Wow, I sure do have awesome taste, finding a hot underwear model! I should get paid for this.  No really, if someone wants to paypal me money let me know, I’m down).  So, because I have so much love in my heart that I won’t limit myself to just one highly paid model (because I’m a giver.  Please, don’t call me a hero, it’s just who I am) today I want to fuck Doutzen Kroes.

My love (lust?) for Kate Upton is pretty well documented at this point.  I don’t think I am really alone here, finding Kate Upton attractive is basically the new black.  I have a friend that when she arrived at school people started mentioning she looks like Kate Upton?  Why?  Because she’s blonde and saying someone looks like Kate Upton is the new short hand for hot.  It’s kind of amazing how fast she rose and other than the inevitable backlash from people who have to hate what is popular (let’s be honest, we’ve all done it.  I mean, it isn’t like Kate Upton is inescapable, believe me, I wish she had me cornered and I couldn’t get away) the consensus seems to be she is incredibly hot.  And she is.  Let’s be honest, you can look at the pictures I put up and see that’s the truth.  On the other hand, I do think she has more going for her.  The world is full of beautiful women, hell I have beautiful followers, they aren’t world famous super models.  There is an extra something to her people find appealing, she manages to be bubbly end energetic without being annoying or cloying or seeming ditzy.  I guess there are those who would disagree with all of that but I find it hard not to be charmed by a girl who is clearly having a lot of fun becoming very famous doing something she likes.  Also she is really, really hot.  Like just… a walking embodiment of sex.  Which is honestly the main reason why today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

I actually kind of enjoy when I have to post Rosie Jones (have to, I have no choice of course, I am a slave to my desires?  Boy, that makes me sound like an out of control lunatic).  I enjoy it because it’s a bit of a challenge, you have no idea how hard it is to find pictures of her wearing at least a little clothing.  I mean, fully clothed is just out of the question, if you’re lucky you find her draping a flag just right over her chest.  The having to go through a bunch of pictures of her isn’t exactly work but it is a fun little Where’s Waldo sort of adventure, though it’s more like Where’s not Nipple as opposed to Where’s Waldo (Maybe I should say Where’s Wally since this is about a Brit?  Man I know a lot of worthless facts). The other advantage is I get to again talk about my fetish for all things Anglo.  I mean, I am not sure it’s real, I don’t feel like I see Fish and Chips and get all excited but the evidence is there.  Rosie Jones is basically very hot and I fully endorse her baring her breasts all the time, so I guess England came up with a good plan there.  I don’t know, I am rambling at this point, I like looking at pictures, I like British women, I actually think the Union Jack is one of the great flags on Earth, and I really like Rosie Jones.  Today I want to fuck Rosie Jones.