Tag: Candice Swanepoel

Just last night I was bemoaning that the arrival of Fallout 4 would make this blog a chore suddenly.  Because nothing kills libido like a video game.  Seriously, I get wrapped up in a game and I forget sex exists and I haven’t bothered to google it but I am pretty sure there are probably studies that prove this as well.   Luckily I have friends ready to make helpful suggestions (@wildflagsure).  And other friends who are kinda making suggestions without outright saying so (@thunderstormofoblivion).  Well, I didn’t take either cause I forgot there was the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show last night.  And Candice Swanepeol looked good and so she is here cause I really liked one of the things they had her wear.  Problem solved!  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

If you didn’t know, Candice Swanepoel became engaged a little bit ago.  This is of course her obsession with me just taking the next obvious turn.  Now she’s going for the classic hard to get strategy to get my attention.  You know how it goes, she gets engaged and then for the next month just amazing pictures of her continue to surface repeatedly.  It’s so transparent, I am just ashamed to admit it’s working.  Now, some of you may not have been paying attention and wonder how I know she’s obsessed with me.  Don’t worry, my dear friend thunderstormofoblivion had the same question.  It’s pretty obvious when you think about it and I have documented it in the past.  Anyway, her latest tactic appears to be working because I keep seeing pictures of her and thinking about posting her, only the slew of fall events have prevented it, and then today I woke up thinking about her.  Very clever, Candy.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel. 

Today has just been shitty.  Stressful, lame, angering.  And you know I am just getting home and I thought it would get better but it’s not.  It’s lame.  Of course, my favorite book as a child told me there’d be days like this, even in Australia.  So I didn’t get to post until now on account of my day.  I got home and was looking at new pictures and… there were some of Candice Swanepoel in a bikini and they made me happier.  I liked them for some reason.  And I don’t mean happier in some pervy way but you know just… I like pretty pictures.  I like pretty girls.  Maybe I like seeing people smile?  I don’t know, it just makes me realize how lucky I am because if pictures of Candice Swanepoel in a bathing suit makes me happy I have basically an endless supply.  About the only thing more convenient would be tap water.  If tap water made me happy that might be luckier.  Or not.  There is climate change.  That could make tap water harder to find than picture of Candice Swanepoel.  I guess technically the good news there is Candice Swanepoel will only get hotter? Welp, I am making dad jokes now so I am out.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

I have been out enjoying the sun all weekend and so went with maybe the easiest thing to post today, Candice Swanepoel in a bikini.  Pictures of Candice Swanepoel in swimwear might be our most abundant natural resources.  If we could generate electricity from them we would enter a new golden age. Now, by and large I find bikinis boring, at least I find the idea that that is what you want to see a girl in boring.  Clothing is often way more interesting than no clothing.  But aside from the lot of skin factor I can get the appeal sometimes.  The beach is one of my favorite places on Earth. And I don’t think it’s a mistake that you rarely see a model modeling a bikini in front of a blank white drop cloth.  That would show off the bikini as well, right?  But it wouldn’t sell people one what you’re really selling them, which is a ticket to paradise.  Not Eddie Money style but that this bikini is just going to be a key part of your trip to the most wonderful place on earth.  And so when I post someone in a bikini it is usually like that.  Because I am a sucker for it to.  Candice Swanepoel is hot but man the beach is great.  Together I guess it’s like peanut butter and chocolate.  Whatever, I am rambling.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

Here is Candice Swanepoel in jeans cause I started choosing pictures and I noticed they both had her in jeans and it was like fuck it, there must be a few photos of her in actual clothing.  Well, I found some.  In clothes.  And it makes no sense because it’s hot as fuck outside so why didn’t I go the easier bikini route?  I don’t know.  Look guys, I am tired, I am hot, and I am distracted by videos about Fallout 4.  Now, I started to write about the comforting embrace of fascism and how it rules more of our life than we know but that’s a bummer and sometimes even I can’t tie that kind of bullshit into what I am posting.  I mean, she has blonde hair and blue eyes I guess but boy does that go down a strange path.  Better to stick to jeans instead of genes if you know what i mean.  Candice looks very nice wearing jeans.  She is remarkably pretty and is still stalking me as at least once a week she sends me pictures of herself and calls it a “catalog” or an “in store event invitation”.  I am flattered.  And a little tempted.  I just don’t know what the next move is to be honest.  Do I send back pictures of my self?  I am way too lazy to put together an entire catalog.  My ask box is open if you have suggestions to help my self delusion.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

Happy Easter everyone.  I hope you guys got lots of whatever you want for Easter.  For me that’s Cadbury Creme Eggs.  I have been told they are just not for adults and my friends claim they cannot get a single one down, they are too sweet. My friends are losers, quitters, and this is why they will never amount to anything in life.  None of this has anything to do with Candice Swanepoel really.  Believe me, I tried to come up with some sort of bullshit Easter connection but I couldn’t. She’s just here because she’s hot.  I mean, I guess maybe this is the holiday really most closely tied to my blog since all our Easter traditions are tied up in ancient fertility rites and so on but it’s a stretch.  Candice is gorgeous and um… that’s it.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

So the past few days have brought about a fair number of very nice Candice Swanepoel pictures.  I mean, as one of the more popular models in existence for a line of mass marketed consumer lingerie she shows up a lot.  A whole lot.  She tends to look good like… oh every time.  It makes sense, it’s her job.  She’s good at it.  But sometimes she just looks outrageously good.  Like for the Valentine’s day stuff or the stuff for Mother Denim.  Just, fantstic.  And it’s that simple, beautiful woman does good work, looks great and bam, here we are.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

It’s pretty well documented if you check the Candice Swanepoel tag on my blog here that she is obsessed with me.  I mean, she is constantly sending me emails with picture of her in her underwear.  Little card in the mail with picture of her telling me I am invited to some sort of special store event.  A whole book of girls in their underwear which she calls a “catalog”.  Also, clearly just a way to tell someone you’re into them without doing it.  I have done the same.  You know, you mention to a girl in passing that she is pretty but couch it in another statement.  Let her know without coming out and saying it.  Because you’re a coward.  Basically that was junior high for me.  Anyway, it’s well documented as medical fact (disclaimer: I am not a doctor but I have two grandparents are so the laws of genetics mean I am half doctor, thus I can proclaim things medical fact.  Thomas Jefferson wrote it in the Declaration of independence,). It can’t be argued.  I mean you can but I’ll just lose your ask or whatever and stick my fingers in my ears.  Anyway, I am not hear to convince you she’s obsessed with me, I am here to point out her tactics seem to be working.  Cause I have posted her a lot  But also the holidays were pretty slow for pictures except for a few people.  Candice was one of those few people who kept the greatness coming.  I am willing to declare she won the holiday season.  I mean, look at her.  Amazing.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

The other day I made some lame joke about Christmas approaching and then here was Candice Swanepoel and how they had nothing to do with each other, I just wanted to mention two facts.  Or something.  Lord knows I couldn’t like, scroll back or something.  That smacks of effort.  Anyway, here is the actual Candice Swanepoel.  Or you know, pictures of her.  What an odd way to phrase things, the actual Candice Swanepoel.  This is not a pipe, I know that.  Moving on.  This is Candice Swanepoel dressed for Christmas because Christmas is right around the corner.  Seriously, tomorrow is the corner, you turn it, then bam, yuletide joy!  This is my last day of work until well after Christmas so I am joyous as all get out!  And I want all of you to have a great Christmas or whatever else you celebrate. Let’s be honest though, Christmas is the big one, right?  It’s the day we get off work.  That kind of makes it most important because of the no work thing.  But I want you guys to have a great December 25th even if that just involves going to the movies and eating Chinese food like some of my nearest and dearest.  Enjoy it!  I will.  Also enjoy these pictures of Candice Swanepoel because she’s gorgeous whatever you celebrate.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.