So I was making some joke to a friend the other day about the artful use of sand or dirt or whatever that is often employed with models to keep the picture PG instead of R.  I said it sure was lucky for the magazine that the sand stuck in all the right places to make sure they could use that picture of Emily Ratajkowski.  She told me that’s just how nipples work, they’re basically like magnets.  I didn’t know this going in because nothing I majored in was anything close to a science.  Basically if I can’t bullshit my way through it by being clever and low level charming it’s not for me.  It turns out it doesn’t matter how you move your eyebrows and make suggestive comments about the reproductive system, you’re not getting through Anatomy if you can’t memory shit.  Anyway, I bring this up in case any women I have been involved with in the past are reading.  I just want to point out that nipples work like magnets.  I have fillings.  Thus I was not “breast obsessed”.  It was science making me it’s bitch.  I had no choice.  Anyway, here are a bunch of pictures of Emily Ratajkowski who I guess is kind of attractive if really attractive girls are your thing.  I am pretty sure I could go into something about anatomy or breasts (there has to be a joke about my eyes also being metal or something.  Some reason my eyes keep drifting where they do).  I am not going into any of that though because honestly, who reads this shit?  The point is she is very hot, I like her, her pictures were probably the best or second best from the Swimsuit Issue so today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

I am still enough under the weather that I don’t really feel like writing a lot here.  I am tired and cranky and don’t feel like explaining myself.  So I won’t.  I feel like just looking at Emily Ratajkowski should be explanation enough.  She’s very hot and today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

So today is my buddy ganstersexy ’s birthday and I don’t know how she actually feels about Emily Ratajkowski (though I did slip in what I consider a birthday themed photo, see if you can figure out which one.  It’s like Where’s Waldo.  You know except for idiots).  I assume she at least kind of likes Emily Ratajkowski though because she enjoys attractive women and Emily Ratajkowski is an extremely attractive woman.  So the math seems pretty simple.  Emily Ratajkowski being in Gone Girl has been huge for me because she seems to be popping up at events all the time as a result, as a matter of fact she was at some Golden Globes thing and I have no idea who else was there but she won because… look at her.  Also enjoy the visual pun of her standing next to a sign that says golden globes while wearing a low cut dress.  Enjoying picture of Emily Ratajkowski works on so many levels!  Anyway, happy birthday to ganstersexy and happy Saturday to me cause look at Emily Ratajkowski!  Today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

So I am home from work for the day (I hope) and I brought work home with me and I am currently listening to Chuck Berry wonder why a woman named after make up can’t be true and the simple truth is I have no fucking idea, Chuck, some people just aren’t built that way.  And some people are assholes.  Her parents named her Maybelline. That really should have been the first red flag. What does that have to do with Emily Ratajkowski?  Nothing really.  I can’t even reach and come up with a bullshit reasons.  I am basically just explaining that I am not really particularly normal.  The fact that I am holding conversations with Chuck Berry records is part one.  Part two is me looking specifically for red carpet pictures of Emily Ratajkowski when usually she shows up here half naked, on account of her being a model who often wears very little.  I thought it would be nice to put her in clothes because… I’m an idiot?  Is anyone on the internet sitting around wishing for Emily Ratajkowski wearing more other than me?  Probably not.  I can’t help it, it’s what i wanted to post for her today.  I think she is gorgeous and I happen to like clothes.  She looks good in clothes.  I mean, she looks good naked, too.  She just looks good.  Beautiful people do that.  Look good in clothes or naked.  Anyway, if you got this far I’m sorry, they can’t all be winners.  Today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

So for some reason I woke up this morning with Life on Mars stuck in my head.  I am not sure why that happened but it does sometimes, I wake up with a song in my head for no good reason.  Like, my dreams weren’t related to it.  I did have a sweet dream about going to a waterpark and riding just the most awesome rides ever.  My friends got lost at the end and i had to look for them but instead I ran into my friend Katherine and then we looked at picture of Fearne Cotton on my phone.  So that has nothing to do with this because obviously I am not posting Fearne Cotton or a waterpark today.  Instead I woke up with Life On Mars stuck in my head and it is interesting because at it’s core it’s kind of a melancholy song, about a girl who buries herself in made up worlds because she’s dissatisfied with the real world.  I have always liked the song and I think part of that is every young nerd can certainly relate to burying themselves in make believe worlds when the real one leaves you cold.  So what does that have to do with Emily Ratajkowski?  I could make a dad joke about her being out of this world but oh god I don’t want to turn into that.  I woke up thinking about her as well is the thing.  I am not sure why, this isn’t the first time that meditating on a song has made me think of her.  Maybe there is something about her and her beauty that makes me join her with music.  There is I suppose a something extra about her, something that kind of kindles feelings of something otherworldly.  I guess she’s another fantasy world to buy yourself into but I think more than that models, at least the good one, do kind of welcome you to build your own narrative about them and who they are.  It’s built into their work.  Or I could be talking out my ass, never forget that’s always a strong possibility.  The basic point is she is gorgeous and she does spark something in me when I look at her, kind of like a good song.  Today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

Here is Emily Ratajkowski because… I don’t have some long explanation today.  She is here because she is ridiculously hot.  Her body is just insane and she is gorgeous.  She is ridiculously sexy.  So she’s here today because today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

So yesterday’s Kate Upton post proved to be the most popular post about Kate Upton in a long time.  I can only assume this is because of America and patriotic fervor.  As such I have decided this is 4th of July weekend. It’s not just a day anymore, we’re the 9th fattest country in the world, we need some space to spread out and relax.  It’s a 3 day weekend now.   Thus here is Emily Ratajkowski.  Because America guys. America.  Look guys, I was a history major at one point in my life so I know my shit, and when Benjamin Franklin invented electricity even he couldn’t have known how it would change the world.  But we all know, don’t we?  That’s right, we do, so I am going to go ahead and say that if you don’t like and reblog this there is a very real chance your precious iPhone will melt in your hand.  Or blow up.  Or travel back in time to kill your mother before you were born.  My point is there are some catastrophic consequences out there, it’s just how time travel works.  Trust me, I know, I was a history major.  Now, some might say I am just wrapping myself in the flag to use it as a shield to pursue my own self interests.  To that I say what is more American than that, commie?  Well, Girls in bikini tops for one.  I know because I get up in America and posters of girls in bikinis were everywhere.  And American flags.  Well Emily Ratajkowski has managed to combine both of those things into one picture.  Because America, guys.  Today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

I don’t make plans in advance as to who I would post.  I say this is to protect the purity of my vision for this blog (and I guess it is in part) but really it’s because I am way too lazy and commitment phobic to make plans for the future.  That said, there are days where it feels inevitable that I am going to post a certain person.  Usually I even wait longer in the day until I post just in case something shakes it away.  I am almost offended the universe would dictate my life to that degree.  You know, I rage against the sings and arrows of outrageous fortune, I am no puppet of God nor the whims of circumstance.  Except of course I am because I always end up posting that person.  Like yesterday I posted really early in the morning and then Emily Ratajkowski started showing up naked for GQ and I knew I would post her today.  And I was right because it seems like every third thing on my blog is a picture of gif from the shoot.  I couldn’t escape her.  Oh wait, I should correct she wasn’t naked she was nearly naked which must be an important point because I have seen people actually complain about it.  I don’t really get the difference a few flecks of dirt makes (the internet definition of naked seems to largely be nipple vs non nipple, butts do not count) but I have a very fertile and creative mind so I guess I am special.  Anyway, to frustrate and confound those who hate only near nudity and because she is so gorgeous here are a bunch of near naked pictures of Emily Ratajkowsi  Because today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

Sometimes I honestly have trouble writing about someone here because I feel like there is nothing more I can say and like… my words are redundant.  Like today.  I want to basically just type, “Uh… Duh… look at her”.  While I admit this is not the most eloquent argument I feel like it is extremely compelling.  I don’t think there is anything I could type that would convince you that Emily Ratajkowski is desirable more than looking at Emily Ratajkowski would.  I could talk about how much I enjoy her work and whatever but would you care?  Cause I mean, look at her.  Right?  Right.  Today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.