I uploaded the pictures for this post at 6 AM and then saved it as a draft because I suddenly got really tired and decided it was time for bed.  So the post is rather late today because I am a mess of an adult.  I woke up at 2 AM and was up until close to 7 and… it’s a mess.  But I did manage to catch up on TV in that time frame and when I got to iZombie I knew someone from the show was getting posted because the episode just worked for me.  When I heard Kristen Bell’s voice I knew it was her because first of all I love Kristen Bell.  Second of all I love Kristen Bell and Rob Thomas together.  Third of all I love Kristen Bell and one day I am going to have her babies.  You’ll see!  So any excuse to post Kristen Bell is a good one and here she is.  Because she’s amazing.  Today I want to fuck Kristen Bell.

I was just thinking the other day about how it’s been so long since I posted Kristen Bell.  I just thought that it would look like I am not deeply obsessed with having her babies still.  I am, she just hasn’t really shown up at all in forever.  I guess being a mother of two and all limits her already limited red carpet appearances.  I don’t know.  But then here she is showing up at something for Target.  So just like people who are too good for Walmart but still kinda wish they could shop at Walmart I will say Thank God for Target!  She is beautiful as always and I just kind of wish she was in something.  Like a movie or a show I wanted to watch or… I dunno, anything.  She is great and she is still my favorite if anyone was wondering.  Today I want to fuck Kristen Bell.

So I had a lot of trouble choosing who to pick today.  Which means I am going to be in real trouble tomorrow because if the Independent Spirit Awards gave me too many options the Oscars are going to crush me. So this pick is later than usual because of that but also because of an intense discussion about which song is more deeply misogynistic the Rolling Stone’s “Under my Thumb” or Neil Young’s “A Man Needs a Maid”.  And also which one is better. Anyway, I have moved past that and am just listening to Isaac Hayes instead.  None of that matters because I am here to take about Kristen Bell.  Though since she is all around amazing and perfect I am sure she would have interesting thoughts about the subject.  I guess she won the Independent Spirit Awards?  Maybe?  I don’t know if she won by dress alone but she won my heart years ago so she is here.  Of course, she was in the news this week for voicing the controversial opinion that maybe you shouldn’t let your children die of preventable diseases.  I can see why there are two sides to that argument.  What if your kid is kind of a dick?  Maybe polio will wipe that smirk off his face!  Anyway, she’s welcome to her insane opinions that rubella is to be avoided.  And you know, I want to have her babies.  So today I want to fuck Kristen Bell.

So today is my birthday,  If you didn’t know.  I assume everyone knew cause you probably are planning who I want to fuck today celebrations at this moment.  I know it’s a big day for you guys.  Truth be told my weekend was a little lame but that’s what happens as you get older, this shit matters a lot less.  Anyway, I am picking Kristen Bell because it’s my birthday and I think she is perfect.  Nothing else to say really.  Today I want to fuck Kristen Bell.

You have likely surmised if you’ve been following me a while and you actually read the words on your screen, I happen to like Kristen Bell.  A lot.  Which is why she is here today.  I haven’t seen her in anything recently.  No official reason she has popped into my head.  She is just here.  Or maybe I am wrong, I read some old thing I wrote yesterday from about 8 years ago and it had a reference to my attraction to her.  Maybe that sparked it.  Either way it goes to show how long I have had this obsession.  I can’t really be blamed, she is talented and charming and amazing so what am I supposed to do?  Pretend she isn’t?  Today I want to fuck Kristen Bell.

Guys, I am not the type to just start the rumor mill going but I have been looking at pictures of Kristen Bell and I think she’s pregnant.  I know, I know how can I tell?  Well, guys, I look at pictures of celebrities a lot, it’s what I do.  I can notice the subtle changes and I am like… 80% sure she might be with child.  She is of course gorgeous.  And everyone knows I love her because she is absolutely amazing.  Today I want to fuck Kristen Bell.

I have noted many times before that one day I am going to have Kristen Bell’s babies.  Now, some nay sayers point out that’s not how human anatomy works or it is “medically impossible” or “this is a restraining order, Ms. Bell would like you to cease making the same joke about her you’ve been making since 2004 and could you stay at least 500 feet away”.  You know, people who are afraid to dream big.  The only reason I bring this up is because she is pregnant again which always makes me dream seem just a slight bit less likely.  A slight bit.  Anyway, she’s here today mainly because I saw the funny or die video yesterday.  If you don’t know the one it’s right here.  It was funny and it’s kind of remarkable how good she is at being Mary Poppins.  It was funny.  She is funny.  And talented.  And beautiful.  Sigh… she’s great.  And yes, I knew it was her birthday the other day.  I didn’t post her because I almost never do that.  Like my birthday sure.  Her birthday?  I’m arrogant but I’m not that arrogant.  Can you imagine that birthday card, “Happy Birthday, I’d totally give it to you.  YOU’RE WELCOME!"  Seems maybe a little presumptuous about your own attractiveness.  And this is about her attractiveness.  Which is totally high.  Today I want to fuck Kristen Bell.

So last night was the CMT Music Awards and I am declaring a winner.  Except the deck was stacked this time because I don’t know who the hell was there.  I haven’t looked.  Kristen Bell was there.  That is the only thing that matters because Kristen Bell is amazing and perfect.  So really a bunch of new pictures of her is the only thing I needed for her to get posted today. But I’ll go ahead and declare her the winner as well because who could possibly be better than KB?  No one.  Trust me, I’m an expert in who I am attracted to.  Today I want to fuck Kristen Bell.

I watched this movie called the Lifeguard last night and it was pretty horrible on a lot of levels.  It was just… well, I am not here to dump on any movies but it committed a lot of the crimes that indie shoe-gazing stuff can commit and didn’t really do any of the stuff they can do well, so it felt sort of like a movie created to give fodder to critics of introspective art house stuff.   I was disappointed because at this point it has been pretty well documented I love Kristen Bell to pieces.  Sadly, she is in a lot of pretty bad movies.  It happens I guess.  Still, she looked good in a bathing suit, so that’s a good thing I suppose.  Whatever, I am still disappointed but I also still think she’s great so today I want to fuck Kristen Bell.