Tag: Model

Just last night I was bemoaning that the arrival of Fallout 4 would make this blog a chore suddenly.  Because nothing kills libido like a video game.  Seriously, I get wrapped up in a game and I forget sex exists and I haven’t bothered to google it but I am pretty sure there are probably studies that prove this as well.   Luckily I have friends ready to make helpful suggestions (@wildflagsure).  And other friends who are kinda making suggestions without outright saying so (@thunderstormofoblivion).  Well, I didn’t take either cause I forgot there was the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show last night.  And Candice Swanepeol looked good and so she is here cause I really liked one of the things they had her wear.  Problem solved!  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

Lots of Halloween costumes this year to go through and it’s interesting cause there are lots of solid ones but nothing that blew me away (Well except Heidi Klum and she doesn’t count because he costumes are always amazing but are also deeply unsettling as they are almost too eerily accurate and enter the whole Uncanny Valley thing).  I do appreciate costumes that aren’t just an excuse to show skin, I like some that show some dedication.  I guess because it leads me to believe that person must care as much about Halloween as I do.  This could be a complete misread but I choose to believe it.  So there were a few standouts that fell under that category, Victoria Justice did a good job and always does actually.  But I have settled on Emily Ratajkowski cause painting yourself yellow is no joke.  That’s more than just getting it right, that’s committing yourself to leaving a yellow smear everywhere.  I know, I’ve done the body paint thing before and for days you are finding traces of it everywhere.  It’s astounding.  Also, it’s a pretty close approximation of Marge Simpson.  Without the… uncomfortable accuracy of a previously named supermodel’s Jessica Rabbit costume.  So today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

It’s Halloween and I love Halloween and guys hey, it’s Halloween!  Halloween is awesome.  I feel like Claire Sinclair must agree because she likes dressing up in costumes, she kind of does it for a living but on top of that she has been posting on her instagram for weeks about potential costumes and old costumes.  So I am posting her today because I respect the dedication to playing dress up.  I honestly resepect anyone who can take one of my favorite childhood activities and turn it into a career. So today I want to fuck Claire Sinclair

I should start this by saying this post makes me feel like a poser cause I know who Jessica Nigri is because I am… well if you have followed me I am the sort of person I am on the internet.  So it would be impossible for me to have not heard of her.  That said, I know little about her.  Like, I know about Lolipop Chainsaw.  I know that some people love her and some people seem to hate her.  Which just means she’s an attractive woman on the internet and for some reason that is a highly divisive thing to be.  Other than that… uh, nothing, I have nothing.  So what I am saying is that yes, I am no expert on this but before you tell everyone what I am saying is save your breath, I never was one (I can’t swear but I don’t think this is the first time I have referenced that in a joke about being a poser).  Anyway, she is here because Halloween is approaching and if you can’t see the connection I will explain it.  See, I was thinking about costumes.  And that lead me to eventually think of Jessica Nigri.  I had a long discussion about her with a friend who is not the sort of person I am even though she is on the internet.  She loves dress up though so that lead down this rabbit hole of costumes and what not and you know, Jessica Nigri is pretty and I like her choice of costumes.  Even when I am being a poser and going, “Oh yeah, that’s some League of Legends character or something”. But she’s hot and Halloween means costumes and guys, Halloween!  She has dressed as Freddy Kruger!  Which was kind of unsettling to me, he shouldn’t be sexied up.  Still, she did.  Today I want to fuck Jessica Nigri.

Here is Doutzen Kroes who for a long time I would joke about her being my second favorite Victoria’s Secret model.  I mean, that wasn’t a joke, she was, I just kind of joked about how your second favorite Victoria’s Secret model was better than your favorite lots of things.  Like my favorite trip to the dentist is way, way below Doutzen Kroes.  None of that applies anymore though because she left Victoria’s Secret last year.  No, instead now to me she sadly represents how the internet is a cesspool of assholery.  Places on the internet where they regularly discuss models are maybe the most depressing place on Earth.  I don’t really discuss models there but I do have to visit such places now and then and it’s essentially gatherings of women tearing down other women to make the one model they like look better.  The big knock about Doutzen Kroes is that she looks “really old” and there are discussions about why she looks terrible and old.  Besides these being really stupid, it actually makes me angry.  Not just because Doutzen Kroes is outrageously beautiful or even just because I think if you have negative opinions about strangers you can keep them to yourself.  No, it depresses me because it falls into this terrible trap that youth is beauty and beauty is the only thing that we value.  And thus a woman cannot age gracefully, she is either beautiful or used up.  Plus I really like Doutzen Kroes and so I just feel a little defensive seeing nasty things said.  I don’t know, I don’t have a point I guess, I think Doutzen Kroes is gorgeous.  I think if you feel a need to sit on the internet and bash things and people others love you should probably spend that energy working on being a happier person.  Today I want to fuck Doutzen Kroes.

Yesterday I watched what was honestly a pretty canned “casual” interview with Emily Ratajkowski from Vogue.  It’s this thing they do where they try to make it light and breezy and you know, whatever, it is enjoyable.  I assume the answers are real at least.  I hope so because it’s part of why Emily Ratajkowski is here.  I was already attracted to her on account of her being very hot but it also turns out she has amazing taste in music.  She said she thinks Joni Mitchell’s Blue might be her favorite album of all time and I am no good at favorites (I have a blog where I post different people every day I am so indecisive) but it very easily is one of my favorites.  Enough of a favorite it was one of the first things I bought on vinyl as an adult and I recently bought a special edition re-release because I am a douche bag.  Anyway, she also said she knows the words to like every Talking Heads song.  And then the clincher is her love for Prince videos because if you don’t love Prince you are wrong.  Sorry, @lunoboom , that’s just science fact.  But hey, it’s ok to be wrong, I have friends who don’t think Emily Ratajkowski is hot (*cough* @wildflagsure @thunderstormofoblivion *cough*).  They are also wrong.  It’s ok, it’s lonely being a person of refined taste but I survive.  Today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

So apparently Gigi Hadid has taken some heat recently about her body.  In that people don’t like it.  And you know, I will go ahead and say if there are people and things you hate and you just cannot keep it to yourself you’re probably an asshole.  If you really need to share it with other people simply because they enjoy something you are definitely an asshole.  And if you feel the need to get on a model’s instagram account so you can point out her body is not good enough or right to be a model you are a raging asshole.  I also would point out you are perhaps a bit misinformed about how the world works because by definition if someone is a model then they are good enough to be a model.  It will come as a shock to most of the internet but your opinion may not matter as much as you think and you are not the actual arbiter of reality that you believe yourself to be.  But you know, I shouldn’t be surprised that legions of people decided it was their job to make a young girl feel bad about her body just because said girl is famous.  Legions of people go out of their way every day to make young girls feel bad about their bodies.  Because it’s important not to let anyone feel too good about themselves, because they might become arrogant bitches who have the gall to not hate themselves.  So, you know, I am basically posting Gigi Hadid because my grandma always said, “The single defining characteristic of the internet is a deep seeded hatred for women”.  And for years I didn’t know what she meant because I didn’t know what the internet was but hey, she was right.  Gotta give her credit.  Today I want to fuck Gigi Hadid.

If you didn’t know, Candice Swanepoel became engaged a little bit ago.  This is of course her obsession with me just taking the next obvious turn.  Now she’s going for the classic hard to get strategy to get my attention.  You know how it goes, she gets engaged and then for the next month just amazing pictures of her continue to surface repeatedly.  It’s so transparent, I am just ashamed to admit it’s working.  Now, some of you may not have been paying attention and wonder how I know she’s obsessed with me.  Don’t worry, my dear friend thunderstormofoblivion had the same question.  It’s pretty obvious when you think about it and I have documented it in the past.  Anyway, her latest tactic appears to be working because I keep seeing pictures of her and thinking about posting her, only the slew of fall events have prevented it, and then today I woke up thinking about her.  Very clever, Candy.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel. 

The past few days have really just been a lot of, “Oh, wow, she looks good, too bad I posted already today.  Well, she’ll probably show up tomorrow” and then said girl or girls do not show up the next day because there is a new slew of pictures of women to be attracted to.   If you know me and you closely follow things like Film Festivals and Fashion shows (which, lets be honest is only going to be femalecelebrityoftheday  ) you can probably make some guesses as to who has been destined to show up here the night before but never makes it the next day.  Well, maybe you can guess at least a few names.  Please, feel free to guess, I would love to hear guesses.  Anyway, Kate Upton trumped them today by looking pretty great at the Diane Von Furstenberg show so here she is.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Here is Emily DiDonato for no particular reason.  Like, I was kind of just sitting around and let my mind wander and it wandered to her.  It didn’t really go there for any specific reason other than maybe the fact that I tend to like the tights she models.  That might seem weirdly specific but that’s who I am.  Anyway, I got thinking about her and was like, well, I should post her.  Because she’s pretty and I am attracted to her.  So I did that.  True story.  Today I want to fuck Emily DiDonato.