Tag: blonde

So I had a dream last night that Taylor Swift won all the awards and people were pretty angry about it.  I mean she won all the awards.  Like best new rap artist and Best Visual Effects and so on.  People were pretty upset but in my dream for whatever reason my attitude was, “Who cares, awards are bullshit”.  Which is true.  Awards are bullshit, stop caring.  All these major awards are industries giving themselves awards.  I knew this kid in Elementary school who used to cut up blue construction paper in art class and make herself blue ribbons declaring her the best at this and that.  Even then I knew it was bullshit, there wasn’t very intense vetting going on in that awards process.  Like the only qualifier to be the best there was being the first person to get scissors and construction paper.  So, you know, awards don’t really matter.  And sometimes people need to feel special.  Actually, scratch that, everyone needs to feel special.  No one wants to go through life never feeling special.  Some people maybe need it too badly but in general people have that need.  So try not to be to hard on anyone.  That said, yeah, you can get mad if Taylor Swift ends up winning awards for things she is in no way associated with.  Because that would be silly.  This doesn’t really have a point I guess, I just rambled on about my dreams.  Which is a pretty lame entry but ask yourself, who is really the lame one because apparently you read all the way to this point.  Sucker.  Today I want to fuck Taylor Swift.

Christmas is right around the corner and here is Candice Swanepoel.  You might wonder what those two things have to do with each other.  The answer is nothing!  They just are both true.  I kinda don’t have a ton to say.  Today is one of those days where I was hemming and hawing about who to pick and I settled on Candice Swanepoel because there are always pictures of Candice Swanepoel waiting to be placed on the internet.  It’s science fact.  If you blink there will be new ones.  Which works out ok on account of her being quite attractive.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

I am not really the type to do birthday posts cause I don’t really care about celebrity birthdays.  I hold them in no ill will but I can’t imagine taking the time to remember them.  My google calendar is packed enough with friends and relatives’ birthday, I don’t really need to start adding Kristen Bell.  These people will get by without me.  I am aware today is Taylor Swift’s birthday though because someone very close to me is a Taylor Swift super fan and I have been made aware more than once that today was going to be her birthday.  So I guess it was bouncing around in my head.  I guess I know her birthday (but don’t hold me to it next year).  So I am thinking about Taylor Swift, who continues to look and be fantastic in recent months.  I am kind of out of things to say about her because I have posted her so much lately.  So I’ll just go ahead and say today I want to fuck Taylor Swift.

So last night was the actual television broadcast of the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show and I didn’t really watch but it did for some reason fill me with the urge to try and find pictures of Candice Swanepoel looking adorable.  It wasn’t that hard even if it isn’t the look Victoria’s Secret tends to promote for her.  I always feel like models often don’t get to be called cute ever.  Which kind of makes sense because I think the brain slides right past that when someone is posing in their underwear and putting on their sexy face and stuff.  It feels like a shame though.  I mean, obviously I am sure it is keeping the models up at night, if only strangers on the internet would talk about them being cute!  Being the hero I am, I am here to fix that today.  Finally!  I think she is quite adorable and today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

Here is Alexis Ren cause… um, cause she’s really hot guys.  Really hot.  I am almost not sure what else to say because you either know who she is or you don’t.  She’s a model who has long had a tumblr presence and has a  pretty large following as far as models on tumblr go.  But I bet most people don’t know who she is.  Which isn’t stunning.  Maybe you will one day?  She’s only 18 and she’s been a model for years so… big things in her future?  I have no idea, I almost feel like I have nothing worthwhile to type here.  My computer agrees cause it has started lagging.  Or you know, some joke about it over heating because she is hot.  I mean, she’s definitely hot.  Today I want to fuck Alexis Ren.

Something I meditate on often here, well, meditate perhaps assigns too much importance and thought, we’ll say ramble until I get bored and then abruptly stop, but one of those things is the drastic image change of Taylor Swift.  Drastic yet organic feeling.  And I wonder how and why.  Not because I distrust it or I dislike her, I happen to like her a good bit, I happen to have seen in myself a change in opinion about her, but it is interesting.  Thoughts pop up like authenticity or a certain honesty but I can’t know if those are real.  Celebrities are in many ways the known unknown.  Or… like a Picasso painting in real life.  We see them from thousands of angles, from more angles than is natural but it’s only the parts the artist wants us to see.  What we see is not a person, it’s an image constructed of multiple pieces the artist has given us.  An image that resembles the form of something real but is not.  I mean, I don’t really know Taylor Swift.  We don’t really know the people closest to us, most of us struggle with knowing ourselves, we sure as fuck don’t know Taylor Swift.  I think part of the appeal of Taylor Swift though is she seems sincere, we feel like we know her.  This is of course because of the power of the written word.  Even when sung to us.  She is a writer and writers can create universes vast and infinite with just a few words.  What we feel like she has shared with us is a peek into her soul.  Even if not autobiographical we have to feel like it emotionally authentic.  Of course, writers can be full of shit, they are creators and we make the mistake thinking they speak of themselves when they are not.  I don’t really have a point here.  I had other points that led nowhere (like how we are surprised when a woman writes her own songs, like a penis is an important part of song writing) but there is no reason to go there since they lead nowhere.  This all lead nowhere.  Taylor Swift is an enigma to me.  I am fully charmed by what she reveals of herself even as I know it might be false.  Or partial.  Or… nothing.  I guess what I am saying is this is what I think about when a woman wears lingerie on a stage and starts to think, I start to wonder how much of life we can see and understand and question the nature of existence and identity.  Because I’m a huge perv, it’s just who I am.  Today I want to fuck Taylor Swift.

It was honestly a tough decision as to who to post today cause obviously the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show happened yesterday (I mean, obviously, everyone knows, right?) and it meant there were a lot of people competing for attention.  It was tough enough I dithered some.  Cause like… I was afraid of picking the wrong person?  One day the internet police are going to bust down the door and tell me the blog is over, I didn’t really pick the person my heart knew I should pick.  Well, not so much that as almost like, I am afraid of slighting someone.  Like Taylor Swift is going to be sobbing on the plane back to the states tonight because she tried so hard and I ignored her.  Which some could say is sweet of me to be that concerned but is built upon and inherent self-centeredness where I really deeply and truly believe what I do is something other people care about.  A lot. Which when you think about it is pretty obvious if you think about what this blog is and the fact that i started it.  One day I sat down and was like, “Ok, the world needs to know this shit, I can let the people suffer no longer!"  So her I am world, again bestowing drops of wisdom on you yet again and telling you I have decided Candice Swanepoel won the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.  Not only did she look great on stage and at the after party but also in all the lead up stuff.  This is easy because she’s pretty.  They’re all pretty (and in example 7,342 of the internet being a bag full of dicks there was nowhere I went last night and today for pictures that didn’t have people explaining which model was getting fat/aging poorly/was ugly and so on.  Every single model had someone saying so.  And really, if you see beautiful women on stage and your impulse is to go online and explain why they are fat and worthless or old and worn out someone should kick you in the nuts until that urge passes.  Or the clit.  Whatever, we’ll be all inclusive here).  They all looked good but I like Candice Swanepoel best and I really kind of like the golden angel wings.  That’s strange right?  I don’t mean in like a sexual way.  I just think they’re pretty.  I’d be ok with angel wings becoming a new fashion staple.  Sure it would make revolving doors a bitch but sometimes we have to suffer for fashion.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

I have a friend who one of her favorite things is shoes.  Not like in a sexual way.  Not judging for those of you who they are a sexual thing I just mean red carpet photos or something come out and her first thing is, “Oooo, look at her shoes”.  She loves Mosh and shoes are a big part of that but so is just the look Mosh has generally curated.  Of coruse, about a month ago Mosh posted some pictures of her shoe closet.  The results weer a hilarious sputtering on the part of my friend and she cycled from, “A shoe closet, I didn’t even know those existed,” to, “Oh wow,’ and finally to, "Look at all those shoes!"  What does this story have to do with anything?  Well, nothing really it was just fun.  And I guess it’s proof that there is something to appreciate about Mosh for everyone, even straight girls.  Now, you might not be someone who likes Mosh and my claiming there is something for everyone to like could feel like I am criticizing you or attacking you.  You are absolutely right.  There is something wrong with you, some broken thing deep down preventing you from feeling true joy.  Get your shit together.  Look at her, she is gorgeous!  Her make up is perfect.  Her hair is amazing.  Her sense of style is phenomenal.  Don’t be that guy who hates great stuff just to hate it.  Or do, whatever, it’s your life.  It’s why no one likes you though.  Back on topic, I like Mosh, she is gorgeous and today I want to fuck Miss Mosh.

Thanksgiving is over and I picked up a cold.  It was worth it though because I had fun and it was my niece who gave me the cold.  Seeing her was worth like 20 colds.  The downside is though that this is my 1000th pick ever.  I was going to hold parades and parties and be excited but I am not feeling that up for it so we’re going to have a more low key affair today.  I have picked Scarlett Johansson cause I just got done napping and woke up thinking about her.  This works very well because she was my first ever pick.  There is some symmetry to that which is nice.  Anyway, I can totally get you guys some stats here because I assume everyone reading this loves stats.  I assume this because I love stats because I am a huge nerd and you know… let’s be honest, you’re probably a huge nerd.  I bet at least femalecelebrityoftheday will appreciate it.  That’s a guy who I am sure loves stats.  Here is a list of my top 32 picks.  You might say 32 is a strange number!  You’d be right.  Normally I would have a bullshit explination but I am tired and will admit it’s because there is a 4 way tie for 29th overall and that’s where my buddy pigeonfoo is so I might as well go that far so she gets a mention and someone decides to like… I dunno, throw money at her or whatever?  I don’t actually know how modelling works.  I think space ships are involved?

WIWTFT Stats

Also for stats 148 different girls have been American, 36 English, 19 Canadian, 9 Australian, 4 Scottish, 3 Indian, and then a lot of countries 2 or 1 times.  I have picked 124 brunettes 517 times, 87 blondes 413 times, 34 redheads 108 times, and then a bunch of girls who don’t fit those.  Scarlett Johansson was my first pick though.  She is beautiful and talented and frankly sexier than most people on the list.  She’s always done sexy well.  And her body of work has gotten so strong since I started this blog, she is really in the most interesting part of her career.  So there you have it, 1000 picks and this one is the same as the first because it is still true that today I want to fuck Scarlett Johansson.

Today is one of those days where it is hard to think of something to write because when more important things are happening it all feels trivial.  But of all the terrible things on my TV in the past 12 hours or so what is not terrible are the commercials with Kate Upton.  Actually, those commercials were on my phone, too, when I tried to play a game.  I mean, I don’t really care to play whatever this game is but I appreciate delivery of Kate Upton directly into my hands.  Now that I have written that out I realize my brain might be doing some wishful thinking there but my point remains, I don’t mind seeing Kate Upton in a flowing white dress and gold armor.  It turns out that’s a really good look for her.  Who knew?  I guess whoever planned the commercial.  That’s some next level stuff because I have never once looked at a girl and been like, “I bet she’d look really good walking around a battlefield dressed as some sort of amazon”.  I am just painfully uncreative (also, Kate Upton is an Amazon, I know there are platforms and stuff but I have seen her walking around at these press conferences and women near her don’t even come up to her shoulders).  Anyway, I like Kate a lot, it’s nice to have something nice to think about.  This is, by the way, the 50th time I have posted her.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.