Tag: Kelly Brook

Man, Christmas is so close I can taste it guys.  It is almost here and I am excited because I love Christmas.  What does that have to do with Kelly Brook?  Very little except I’d like to deck her halls, if you know what I mean.  If you do know what I mean let me know because as far as euphemisms go that one doesn’t make a ton of sense.  At the start of the month she did do a little Christmas video though, singing the sluttiest of all Christmas songs.  I mean, Santa Baby is totally a strange song about having sex with strange old men for gifts, right?  Whatever, it’s ok, I love Christmas and I enjoyed it because you know, Christmas and snow and hot girls in their underwear.  And I am pretty sure that’s the real meaning of Christmas.  Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

Human beings are unique among mammals in that we have big breasts.  Well, half of us do, even the smallest human female breast is pretty damn big compared to every other creature’s.  There have been theories as to why but one that is given a lot of credence now has to do with our face.  Humans are born with abnormally large heads, like 5 times bigger than our heads should be when compared with other primates.  This is because we are born with giant brains.  For our giant heads to pass through bipedal hips we need flat faces.  Almost all other primates have a muzzle or snout that allows their mouth to stick out from their head.  We do not.  Other primate nipples are attached firmly against the ribs but if a human baby had to deal with this it would block the nose and prevent breathing.  Now nose placement is pretty much hardwired in mammals, it’s above the mouth and between the eyes.  That would be hard to change but breast size, evolution can work with that.  Thus babies can feed and breathe.  Thus they can have flat faces.  Thus we can have giant brains.  What I am saying is the reason I have the cognitive capacity to write this every day is because of boobs.  The reason this website exists is because of boobs.  We have the internet because of boobs.  And electricity… well that natural but our ability to harness it?  Boobs.  We can thank boobs for human civilization.  Thank you boobs.  So really, when it comes down to it boobs are why I can post Kelly Brook today.  Coincidentally, boobs are a large part of why I am posting Kelly Brook today.  Boobs guys.  They’re amazing.  If you have them, stop and realize you’re the reason humanity has cool shit.  If you don’t have them, be nice to people who do because without them you’d be a dumbass who couldn’t read this.  Because boobs rule.  And they’re why today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

Kelly Brook is here and why not.  I find Kelly Brook very attractive.  I have gone on and on before about my fascination with other people’s celebrities.  I mean, some Americans know her but she is hardly a household name here.  In the UK I know it’s quite the opposite.  More interesting to me is what that does for perspective.  I know from talking to British friends she brings a bit of an eye roll because she’s that type of celebrity.  If you’re following me you know the type, we have them everywhere.  It’s almost uncool to like them because everyone finds them attractive and deep down you think their body of work doesn’t really warrant the attention.  But to an outsider… she’s exotic.  It’s like when I was a kid, whoever was a Bond girl, you’d never heard of her before, it made her immediately classier.  For all you know back in France she could star in a show that was just girls jumping up and down on bed and guys getting hit in the crotch with footballs but it didn’t matter because we just had this glimpse and there was an accent and thus she was exotic.  Which meant sophistication.  There is nothing more sophisticated than being attracted to some other countries woman.  Which I assume is why I have always been really attracted to Kelly Brook.  Also her body.  That’s a major factor as well.  But mainly it’s because I’m a sophisticant of the highest order.  This blog is classy and I love British women and so today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

Kelly Brook has just been knocking it out of the park this week.  Or maybe since she’s British she’s been doing something that frankly sounds far sillier but also kind of cooler and made up of nonsense words like, “really crackin’ the wicket luvvly jubbly arse over elbow” or whatever.  I don’t actually speak British and that was all likely nonsense.  She has looked good very often lately.  And I usually find her good looking because carrots are a mainstay of my diet and those are good for you eyes.  My two working eyes (not trying to brag but both work) therefore assure that I find Kelly Brook very attractive.  So hooray for eyesight and hooray for hot British models and Hooray for Kelly Brook.  Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

This blog has lead to some strange interactions over time.  The strangest is now and then people will send me pictures of their boobs.  It doesn’t happen all the times but it happens sometimes.  I don’t ask for these pictures.  I don’t mind them either I suppose.  I just don’t want anyone to feel like they have to send pictures of their boobs.  I will say though, my dear friend Izzy has never had people send her boobs.  So if you are getting the urge to just send strangers pictures of your boobs why not send them to her? You don’t have to but if you get the urge… she’s a wonderful girl.  I promise she would write you a very nice thank you note.  Mainly I bring this up because I made a joke about saying this and she clearly didn’t think I’d go through with it.  None of that is the point here though, the point today is Kelly Brook.  Now, I have no idea how all this talk about Boobs would have made me think of Kelly Brook.  Mysteries of the human brain I suppose, we may never really get how it works.  Maybe it’s because Brook and Boobs both have those B’s and O’s.  That’s probably it.  Anyway, here is Kelly Brook.  She is very pretty.  She has nice Boobs and… whoa… break though, I think I know why Boobs made me think of her.  She’s British and British and Boobs both start with a B.  Mystery solved.  Good job gang, we should really get a van and drive around solving word mysteries.  In the meantime I will sit back, relax, talk about boobs and the fact that today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

I think Kelly Brook is here because sometimes you just really want a British girl.  That’s a thing, right?  Other people get that?  Am I wrong?  Is it just me?  Like you’re like, man, fish and chips sure would hit the spot but like… a sexual fish and chips?  Ok, wait, I have never thought that either and now it just sounds kind of gross.  We’ll drop that.  What I am saying is clearly I have a thing for British girls and sometimes they are on my mind, or even a special one, or like… I just start rambling.  I am doing that a lot lately.  I am going to blame Kelly Brook because look at her!  It’s pretty hard to concentrate when she looks so good.  Oh Christ, did I just claim Kelly Brook is so pretty I can’t help myself?  Next I am going to follow by saying she was asking me to ramble what with those heels she’s wearing.  There is something wrong with my brain.  I think I have a fever.  I have a fever and the only cure is more British Boobs. So today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

So I was watching this video with Kelly Brook in it.  It is a ridiculous ad for a ridiculous product but it reminded me that Kelly Brook is ridiculously hot.  I can’t think of a world where I would buy Axe Body Spray but I would buy Kelly Brook.  No, hold on, that sounds horrible, I am not endorsing slavery or whatever.  I am saying I get celebrity endorsements, besides the fact that I would never watch a 3 minutes long commercial in most cases, I certainly wouldn’t so raptly watch it.  And now, I am still unlikely to buy their product but I am still talking about it and thinking about it.  And that is wrong because really the only thought any right thinking person should ever have about Axe Body Spray is, “Hey, that guy is wearing way too much cologne that comes out of an aerosol can”.  But… I am sold on Kelly Brook and those bastards clearly put an association in my mind.  Very clever, axeholes.  Anyway, Kelly Brook is very hot and lucky because I am an American unlike body spray I can pretend she is classy and exotic just because she’s from another country.  Which will make British people reading this laugh probably but it isn’t about being right, it’s about feeling like I am better than everyone else.  Today Kelly Brook is better than everyone else in my mind.  Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

I have mentioned before but the idea of other countries having their own celebrities is fascinating to me.  This no doubt comes from being American and just being born knowing we’re the center of the universe.  Like, Morrisey had a song once called “America is not the World” but I kind of just assumed he was being sarcastic because we’re great.  I know this because we say it all the time, why would we lie? Anyway, nothing hammered home the point that people exist when you leave the room quite like when I just tried watching Celebrity Juice, which I understand is a popular TV show on something they call the tele in England.  I assume that this is their version of TV, the main difference being it is fueled by Merlin’s magic and only the greatest Knights in the land are able to watch it in their castles, the peasants just sit around getting the plague.  Anyway, the show apparently has celebrities on it but I didn’t recognize any of them but Ginger Spice.  Then they started making joke about what was supposed to be pop culture but it’s no pop culture I recognized, I am not even sure if they were speaking English to be honest.  Anyway, about the time they were playing a game that involved bobbing for dildos or something I realized that America is not the world because that shit wouldn’t fly here, not at all.  If a TV show tried to show that I am pretty sure 12 different groups would protest so fast your head would spin.  Certainly fast enough for the show to be yanked before it lost sponsors.  Anyway, the show made no sense but I respect the fact that they have boldly made something not at all for me and don’t even seem to care about it.  I also loved that fact that Kelly Brook is just ridiculously hot.  I have no way of judging just who is a huge celebrity and who is C list over there but… I forgot what i was going to say, let’s just pretend it was something about her breasts, cause those are all kinds of awesome, too.  Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

Here are a bunch of picture of Kelly Brook being Kelly Brook.  Being Kelly Brook basically involves standing around somewhere, showing cleavage, and looking pretty damn good.  I guess it’s a good gig if you can get it. I no longer remember how I first found out about Kelly Brook but no doubt it has something to do with the fact that parts of the internet have long loved her because she is very good at being Kelly Brook (see above: Having large boobs, being pretty, etc.)  What’s funny is as an American I am totally cool with these skills and her lack of things like acting skills because she’s British and that makes her exotic and interesting.  Yet a few of my British friends and acquaintances seem to have a dislike for her, even though she is very good at being Kelly Brook.  I assume she is less exotic to them.  Well, I feel bad for them, they are missing out because, seriously, look how Kelly Brook she is!  I appreciate it.  Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook

So today was supposed to be a snow day.  We were finally FINALLY promised some sort of storm and it was going to be awesome.  I should be making snow angels right now.  Or like… sheet angels, the snow angels should have come after I slept so late my eyes literally popped open because they couldn’t stay closed any longer.  Then the snow angels.  But no, it crapped out.  Oh sure, it snowed but it never got below freezing so it is just gross, cold, and wet outside.  I am surely Global Warming’s greatest victim.  Anyway, I will console myself with Boob.  British Boobs at that.  Kelly Brook Boobs.  I like her boobs, boobs can seem strangely comforting sometimes… like nature’s pillows.  So, fuck the weather, today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.