Tag: Alex Morgan

So I expected to post someone, anyone really, at comic con today because I am an easily influenced idiot and I knew that’s where all the pictures are coming from. Instead I am posting Alex Morgan because I am an easily influenced idiot and she was at the Kid’s Choice Sports Awards apparently. I mocked the ESPYs a little but I have no problem with a Kid’s Choice anything because ranking and choosing favorites is an important part of being a kid and constructing self identity. I guess I am giving kids way more leeway. If they want to vote on a favorite athlete then they should because that sort of thing matters a lot to a kid. And for me it’s nice because any excuse to get to see Alex Morgan. While she looks really good in a soccer kit, there isn’t a ton of variety there, so something red carpet now and then is nice to have. So I am posting her. Today I want to fuck Alex Morgan.

This post was truly inevitable because I have been asked if I am just going to post athletes during the Olympics and… maybe?  I dunno.  I don’t plan this in advance, the title of this blog is pretty dead on.  It’s certainly possible because I love the Olympics and it will mainly be what I am watching for two weeks.  So… sorry, obscure actresses from horror movies, you’ll have to wait.  This post was always coming through because as much as I enjoy the Olympics I have a deep, abiding love for the Women’s National Team.  And Alex Morgan is like the avatar of that affection in that I absolutely love her (Maybe I should be posting Mallory Pugh after last night but…).  Like… I would try to describe it but that’s why we have poets, so I’ll let the poets take over here:

Because I am a real American, today I want to fuck Alex Morgan.

I bet you guys thought I was done with Alex Morgan for a while!  Nope, the ESPYs were last night so suck it!  That’s right, the bullshitiest of bullshit awards shows, the show that gives awards to sports, which not only all have their own awards but you don’t need to vote on who is the best because they play actual games to decide who is the best, was last night.  And thank god for our over saturation of media because without the ESPYs there would be a large number of Athlete I would never get to see on the red carpet.  Female athletes tend to be largely ignored except for the every 4 years we see them in some global event.  So I like it.  And I actually have not been the biggest fan of some of Alex Morgan’s outfits over the years.  This isn’t stunning because when your job is playing soccer and your defining skill is running really fast that in no way transfer into fashion knowledge.  It’s a whole separate skill set so you may not have both.  Like, I don’t run fast at all.  But I bought some really cool socks a couple of weeks ago.  They have flamingos on them. Because I am a fashion icon.  But not a world class athlete.  But last night I really liked what she wore, so that is good.  It was probably my second favorite dress but you know what, that Goalie isn’t getting posted.  My thoughts on that are too complicated. So here is Alex Morgan because she is gorgeous and I was happy to see her and all of that.  Today I want to fuck Alex Morgan.

So we beat Germany.  And yeah I am one of those annoying sports fans who says things like we but it’s the national team, they represent America.  I am a real American.  I feel real joy and wait, wait… there is a sound track for this post, one sec…

There we go.  This post has a soundtrack.  An AMERICAN Soundtrack. Look, watching the National Team is really exciting because they are good but also fun to watch.  And I really like Women’s soccer cause it’s way better than Men’s soccer.  I am sure there are purists out there who will decry it as “exciting” or “Fun” or “Watchable” and I get that the men’s game isn’t supposed ot be those things but women’s soccer is different.  They are entertaining and they also aren’t grabbing their legs with phantom injuries constantly because they are tough.  They are bad asses.  This post is largely for the whole team but Alex Morgan is my favorite so she is here.  Sadly I am basically out of good action shots because despite being probably the most popular female athlete in the country and the most popular soccer player in the country… well she’s a female athlete and a soccer player, there are only so many pictures.  We’ll just have to cope with these other pictures where she is gorgeous.  Last night was exciting, I can’t wait for the finals. Ok kids, train, say your prayers, eat your vitamins, be true to yourself, be true to your country.  Be a real American.  Today I want to fuck Alex Morgan.

The US played last night so obviously I am posting Alex Morgan cause that’s what i do.  I really love watching play in the Better World Cup and I absolutely love Alex Morgan.  It’s so strange, I am bad at favorites but I never was with sports.  I mean, obviously I have my teams, only the worst people in the world vacillate from team to team.  But like favorite players, I lock in, it’s easy.  It was at some point watching the National team play in 2011 that I first saw her and yeah, I saw her getting ready to be subbed in and was like, wow, who is that, she’s beautiful.  Then I saw her play.  Look, I could watch her run all day.  I feel the need to qualify that is not a sexual thing, that is just the joy of watching athletic achievement.  I mean, I know this is the internet and somewhere there is a website called Women on Treadmills or something.  I just love watching her go at full speed, she’s so fast it’s just a joy to watch.  I wish I had gotten to see more of it last night like against Nigeria but you know what?  I’ll take the goal instead.  A joy to watch though.  She is great and today I want to fuck Alex Morgan.

So I was watching the Better World Cup last night (That is what I am calling it, remember?)  And I am enjoying it because Women’s soccer is pretty great.  I have gone into this before.  I don’t have a ton to say about the game other than obviously I enjoyed it.  I wish we had scored more because we had a ton of opportunities but it was exciting.  Scoring chances are exciting.  Alex Morgan looked like she is doing a little better, moving quickly.  But really this is just about the fact that I love Alex Morgan.  She is beautiful, she is talented.  And so fast.  I could watch her streak past defenders all day to create scoring chances.  She is so much fun to watch.  The whole team is fun to watch.  I really love the Women’s national team and she’s my favorite player. So today I want to fuck Alex Morgan.

So the World Cup is starting and I am going to just come out and say it, the better World Cup is starting tonight.  Now, I realize my opinion there may be unpopular and it likely comes from the fact that I am not as big of a soccer fan as large swatches of the world.  You know this because I call it soccer while most people outside the US and pretentious people trying to sound more cosmopolitan inside the US call it Football. The thing I like about the Women’s World Cup is you still get high level athletes playing , which is hwy I find the Men’s World Cup, here to referred to as the more boring World Cup watchable. But the Women’s game is more wide open, more things seem to happen.  It is just more exciting.  Now, I realize, real purists don’t want anything exciting.  It’s a very American thing of me to want what I watch to be entertaining.  I am fine with that.  I am just going to say that the Women are more entertaining, the game is more exciting, and thus I think we should stop calling it the Women’s World Cup.  After all, no one calls the other World Cup the Men’s World Cup.  We can just call it the better World Cup.  So here is Alex Morgan in celebration.  I have enjoyed watching her play since the last World Cup, mainly because she is really, really fast.  Like probably faster than me in a car since I always seem to be caught behind idiots who just cannot get their car into second gear.  And you know, also as an added factor I give you this fact about her: USA! USA! USA!  So today I want to fuck Alex Morgan.

A thing I feel like I should say to start, and I will use generalities to start, is that if you are the sort of person who, when someone else gets something you are filled with anger, then you are at the very best an asshole.  And insecure asshole most likely.  Because someone getting something is not depriving you.  Other people being happy does not cost you happiness, there isn’t a limited supply.  Or if there is you aren’t drawing from the same well.  You are just an asshole who is so full of insecurities that you quite literally want everyone else to be miserable so you can feel better about yourself.  This makes you a raging asshole.  And that’s not even addressing how often your attitude is informed by racism or misogyny or homophobia or whatever small minded little bullshit you have going on.  This is brought on by the fact that Alex Morgan has been everywhere in my life lately (or seemed to be.  Google “Frequency Illusion” or Baader-Meinhoff).  It started with the announcement that FIFA 16 will include women’s teams and of course Alex Morgan is the face they are using.  And yeah, some dudes lost their shit about how this will ruin the game.  Because nothing ruins your fun like a feature that you never have to use but you know somewhere, someone is enjoying it.  Anyway, it culminated in me getting the mail this morning because I forgot yesterday and there is ESPN the Magazine with Alex Morgan on the cover.  Now, usually these magazines I don’t want go right in the recycling bin and this one was headed that way until I saw Alex Morgan and I was like, ok, sure, I’ll check it out.  Cause I happen to really like the US Women’s National team, I actually find Women’s soccer more watchable because it feels more wide open.  Also I am very attracted to Alex Morgan.  She is gorgeous and she can run like the wind.  And she’s everywhere or at least my brain thinks she is.  Today I want to fuck Alex Morgan.

Last time I posted Alex Morgan it was because of the 4th of July and I claimed patriotism or some such bullshit.  This time I have to admit it’s just because she’s so gorgeous.  Like, she is so pretty and I am so amazed at how pretty she can be running up and down a pitch at full speed.  Seriously, I look like crap after taking the stairs some day, she is moving like a gazelle down the field and her hair still looks great in that ponytail.  It’s awesome.  I mean, she’s obviously in amazing shape as well but look at that face, she’s lovely.  And now she’s in a tire commercial because, well, duh, who else would you put in a tire commercial?  And so that was just on TV and that’s kismet or a sign or something and so today I want to fuck Alex Morgan.

Here’s Alex Morgan.  Because, you know, America!  That’s right, I am choosing to show my patriotism by supporting this nations fine athletes.  Especially this one.  Believe it or not I have thought of her for more reasons than the 4th of July, she has come up in conversations a ton recently.  It’s probably a sign.  I almost kind of miss Olympic Soccer, which I figure really kind of defines America.  We only watch then and we watch the women because it’s a sport we can be pretty sure we’ll win because we have a sizable talent gap.  Like the dream team.  We’re America dammit, we’re not interested in competition, we’re interest in winning.  Or I could be talking out my ass.  It is for real like 5 AM and I just know a few things about Alex Morgan.  She is really fast.  Like way faster than me.  She can do things with her feet that I can’t with my hands.  That’s not a crude sexual reference.  She is gorgeous and an impressive athlete and she represented my country and so it all just kind of came together today.  Today I want to fuck Alex Morgan.